Strange unannounced visit

[santamarga]

Can I ask what you would have done or would do in this situation?

I dropped in unannounced into my husband's place of work (he owns it) with our children as we were in the area and thought it might be nice to pop in. Everything was nice, children having a chat with their dad, and a couple of male colleagues.

Suddenly this woman comes in, strides basically between where we were all standing chatting, and plonks her bag and some papers on DH's desk. The conversation between us all stopped, as I was looking at the woman, waiting for someone to speak.

It suddenly felt really awkward, DH said nothing, just stood there, and the woman was kind of waiting at the desk, as if she had an appointment and just assumed me and the children were customers so was waiting for us to finish.

One of the colleagues said to her something like 'it's a family conference here' in a jokey kind of way.

She then looks up, never once looked at me, looked the children up and down, and asked DS how old he was! When he replied she said 'oh, that's interesting'.

Then she picks up her bag and said something, I don't know what, and proceeds to walk out. It just felt so awkward, and DH said nothing during this.

Apparently she was a rep who had called in unannounced.

Would you have concerns about this?

That would set alarm bells ringing for me. Sounds like ur dh was a bit stunned and didn't know what to say or think of a suitable exchange m. His head probably in shock going through a million things to get him out of it. Which wld make me worry about what was going on.

Then the colleague said something about family possibly in order to let her know who u were and stop her saying something that cld out her.

Asking age of child and saying it was interesting is def looking like he's bn told a lie about that. I wonder if she thought the kids were younger and he's making an excuse not to leave until they are X age.

Honestly I'd be digging about everywhere. His fone, computer, bank statements anything I cld get my hands on. This just screams that something is going on, trust ur gut. I'd also ask a lot of questions around her and ask why he didn't introduce u and just stood there making it all the more awkward. Why she seemed rather comfortable to come in and behave like that. I'd def be asking if something was going on, he might deny it but I cldnt not.

Have you asked him any more questions about the incident?

The handbag on his desk is particularly suspect, she was carrying herself as someone who has a standing in that office environment and is familiar. Almost as if you were the outsider.

Yes the op must have felt like the intruder.

The husband knows, the office knows, in fact I bet it's been the talk of the office this week, his children know, kids a re not stupid, very perceptive.

That's probably why op has not been back, her h will have been trying to convince his wife that this woman is a nightmare and he dislikes her but she acts like that with everyone.
Then if that doesn't work he'll be stating it's just work banter with her and how men have to come in contact with other women, failing that it will be arn't men and women allowed to be friends?

Sorry op I do hope there is an acceptable answer for all this but please don't allow him to gaslight you, don't be taken for a mug.

I hope you’re ok, OP. Have you spoken to anyone in real life about this for support?

Doesn't sound good OP, I'm so sorry

No point asking him as he will lie. He will either stick to the 'sales rep without an appointment' line or he will suggest you're being preposterous and that you misread the situation, or he'll say he cannot remember, etc.

No way is he ever going to put his hands up and admit to anything. He clearly lied in some way to sales rep woman to make her behave so oddly.

Looking at it objectively, sales rep woman felt at home coming into the property, meaning she's been there before more than a few times. She immediately got the hint about the 'family' and left straight away, so this shows that she knows she shouldn't be there at that moment.

Her fight or flight instinct kicked in: the fight manifested as the pointed question to the boy; the flight took over as she left abruptly.

Wonder if she's married too ?

If she was 'just' a sales rep, surely the way to get on good terms with a client is to be friendly and charming to the client's family in that situation? Make them think what a nice person you are - standard sales tactic, if the client likes you they find it harder to say no.

I can totally see why you’re asking questions. I would too. Out of all of it, it’s the bag on his desk that makes me wince. She feels very comfortable in his office.
I hope you manage to find some answers.

I hope you have some answers op and are ok .

She sounds like a right Bitch and your Husband just stood there silently whilst she spoke to your Son like that..

WTF

Op I hope you’re ok 💐 x

Following my last post I was unable to log in and no, I haven't been contacted about being banned or anything like that, so I set up a new account.
For those who are interested, the situation occurred a while ago. All I was told at the time was that she was a rep who'd come in without an appointment. He gave the impression it was her fault for just turning up unannounced.
At that time I felt confused, embarrassed at the awkwardness of the situation, I remember I even felt ashamed at being at the work premises. That's how her behaviour made me feel: like an interloper.
I've changed a bit since then.
Having asked him again about the incident, he is unable to recall it, and says he cannot remember who this woman might have been.

he is unable to recall it, and says he cannot remember who this woman might have been.
That's convenient, isn't it
Try popping in again and asking that male colleague.

I intend to ask the male colleague, at some more appropriate time in the future. The male colleague used a shortened version of this woman's name when he addressed her so I am assuming when I ask him he will be able to remember, even if H cannot.

@Capricornandproud

I don’t know OP. That totally smacks of someone he was once shagging… and maybe around the time DS was born. Or she’s a complete nutter but I think that’s why you’re asking. Has your DH got form for this? Have you ever suspected?

thats what i would have thought.

@Insignificantintheschemeofthin

No point asking him as he will lie. He will either stick to the 'sales rep without an appointment' line or he will suggest you're being preposterous and that you misread the situation, or he'll say he cannot remember, etc.

No way is he ever going to put his hands up and admit to anything. He clearly lied in some way to sales rep woman to make her behave so oddly.

Looking at it objectively, sales rep woman felt at home coming into the property, meaning she's been there before more than a few times. She immediately got the hint about the 'family' and left straight away, so this shows that she knows she shouldn't be there at that moment.

Her fight or flight instinct kicked in: the fight manifested as the pointed question to the boy; the flight took over as she left abruptly.

Wonder if she's married too ?

agree.

Feign ignorance.... it's the best defence.

You know he's a liar.

Absolutely lying.

There is no way he doesn't know a person who behaved with such familiarity and rendered him speechless.

I'm sorry OP, without a doubt there is something there to be very suspicious about.

@santamarga OP, I hope you are ok, would you be able to update us?

@Coffeepot72 read up a few posts above yours. She has!

Exact...she must shagged him before or had been shagging him right from when she she was pregnant with the child she asked how old..it's a clue OP

Ah the can't recall it. It gets worse. Sorry OP.

"he is unable to recall it, and says he cannot remember who this woman might have been" wtf?? Have you tried saying to him that's completely implausible and that he's obviously lying.

I mean an unknown woman comes into the office and plonked her bag down in front of the bosses wife, asks a weird question of the child, no one says anything and then she leaves? That couldn't possibly be true and is the most absurd lie ever. I would have given him benefit of the doubt until then! To also say he doesn't remember it??

• boss's