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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Strange unannounced visit

475 replies

santamarga · 10/06/2021 08:51

Can I ask what you would have done or would do in this situation?

I dropped in unannounced into my husband's place of work (he owns it) with our children as we were in the area and thought it might be nice to pop in. Everything was nice, children having a chat with their dad, and a couple of male colleagues.

Suddenly this woman comes in, strides basically between where we were all standing chatting, and plonks her bag and some papers on DH's desk. The conversation between us all stopped, as I was looking at the woman, waiting for someone to speak.

It suddenly felt really awkward, DH said nothing, just stood there, and the woman was kind of waiting at the desk, as if she had an appointment and just assumed me and the children were customers so was waiting for us to finish.

One of the colleagues said to her something like 'it's a family conference here' in a jokey kind of way.

She then looks up, never once looked at me, looked the children up and down, and asked DS how old he was! When he replied she said 'oh, that's interesting'.

Then she picks up her bag and said something, I don't know what, and proceeds to walk out. It just felt so awkward, and DH said nothing during this.

Apparently she was a rep who had called in unannounced.

Would you have concerns about this?

OP posts:
Bluesheep8 · 10/06/2021 15:39

Sales reps are notoriously bolshy and quite ignorant - they want their sale and commission, wife and kids doesn't figure.

Hmm not all of them.

Dixiechickonhols · 10/06/2021 15:42

Trust your instinct op. A socially inept sales rep isn’t possible - it’s their job to be social and sell stuff.
Why wouldn’t DH introduce you?
They both sound shocked you were there.
Agree workmate was warning her.
All he needed to say was rep this is my wife and children and you’d have said nice to meet you I’ll leave you to meeting.
Does DH have photos of you visible in office?

Lorw · 10/06/2021 15:43

What I always tell myself OP, that there’s no smoke without fire and it’s something I live by. Trust your gut, especially if you’ve had no suspicions before, something isn’t right and you know it.

peridito · 10/06/2021 15:56

I'm wondering if OP's husband said "oh that was Ms Sales Rep " and the OP has checked that name out and found yes ,she's a sales rep without having an a image of her .What I mean to say ,husband just tossed a re's name out there when in fact the woman was someone else .

KateTheEighth · 10/06/2021 15:57

It stinks. Sorry OP.

Perhaps he'd told her he couldn't leave you for her because your ds was still too young? Perhaps he said he was much younger than he is

Sleazebag men often say they can't leave their wives until the child is 10/left primary school/done GCSEs/whatever

Keep an eye on his mood this evening to see if he seems agitated

KateTheEighth · 10/06/2021 15:58

And yes, the colleague was warning her

IntermittentParps · 10/06/2021 16:00

Sales reps are notoriously bolshy and quite ignorant
Your knowledge of sales reps seems to be based on having watched The Office.
Sales reps are – have to be – socially well-tuned and responsive, be able to read moods and rooms and stay on the 'right side' of people.

singleagain22 · 10/06/2021 16:04

If he knew the rep i would have thought he would introduce you and his children.

If he didn't know the rep he would have dealt formally with her such as "hi can I help"

It's strange.

Pickledpenguin · 10/06/2021 16:14

@santamarga

And she's not even pretty. Sorry, i know that shouldnt make a difference.
In my experience looks do not matter a bit. My ex left for an utter moose who was 10 years older than me about about 3 times my size. Its nothing to do with looks unfortunately. I think it would be easier sometimes if it was.
ilovebrie8 · 10/06/2021 16:31

OP follow your gut instinct on this. It is very odd asking the age of your DS that is not something you would just ask out of the blue. The work colleague was trying to tell her that you were the wife and kids...I'd be deeply suspicious about this...take care!

Anotheruser02 · 10/06/2021 16:34

Are you in a position to hire a PI? I would act very normal, secure my finances and get digging. I hope your DS is okay.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 10/06/2021 17:01

There are too many weird things about this interaction

She put her bag on his desk - that's unusual unless you know someone well
Your DH said nothing at all. Normally someone would say something like "Hi Jane, I'll be with you in a second, have you met my wife?" in that scenario
Her reaction to your DS....

Reps don't behave like that. Sales reps normally have excellent social skills, as it's kind of required for the job.

LemonadePockets · 10/06/2021 17:07

The chap who mentioned it being a family conference was perhaps letting her know who you all were, maybe he knows of history between her and your DH and was giving her the nod so she didn’t say or do anything out of turn.

Sounds awkward AF and I say go with your gut.

When you’re a business owner or a person with any manners at all, you acknowledge someone who has just arrived. Very odd behaviour to stand and say nothing.

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 10/06/2021 17:18

Have you asked DH why he thinks she literally ignored you completely? So weird and not OK.

FunMcCool · 10/06/2021 17:33

I hope it turns out to be innocent.

Bluesheep8 · 10/06/2021 17:39

Replies on here show me I'm not overthinking

14 pages of replies, some of which will cause you to over think even more. Your husband's reply / reaction when you raise it with him is the important one now I think.

soreenqueen21 · 10/06/2021 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

copperpotsalot · 10/06/2021 17:48

@soreenqueen21

Replies on here show me I'm not overthinking

You are, and they are encouraging you into new levels of batshittery paranoia.
Life is not a soap opera, stop acting like you're in one.

I think it's important for OP to acknowledge that gut instinct is rarely wrong. Nothing worse than having a bad gut feeling and everyone telling you you're mad and overthinking.
CovidCorvid · 10/06/2021 17:49

It is possible that she's a terrible flirt with no encouragement from anyone and the colleague was trying to head anything like that off I guess.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/06/2021 18:02

Life is not a soap opera, stop acting like you're in one.

Hmm tbh mine does feel like one sometimes 👍🏻

Twoforthree · 10/06/2021 18:11

Trouble is, he has form. We need to know more about the secret lunches. How did you find out about them. How far did he go etc.

PeridotPenelope · 10/06/2021 18:33

@CovidCorvid I agree. I have a contact at work who is well-known for behaving in inappropriate ways. She would think nothing of throwing her bag on anyone’s desk and sitting on the corner. She is known for acting quite eccentrically. She seems to think it makes her amusing and gains her attention which it does.

Funnily enough she has a sales role so it amuses me when people naturally think that if you work in sales you have enhanced social skills. Yes the very good, skilled ones do but having sat through about ten sales pitches this week for quite a significant contract I can safely say that many don’t. That includes the one who grabbed my handbag and used it as a ‘prop’ during his presentation and interview.

MissConductUS · 10/06/2021 18:39

@soreenqueen21

Replies on here show me I'm not overthinking

You are, and they are encouraging you into new levels of batshittery paranoia.
Life is not a soap opera, stop acting like you're in one.

NRTFT, but has anyone mentioned the possibility that OP's DH is a deep cover KGB agent and that the awkward, not pretty woman is his handler, come to collect the security plans for the G7 meeting? This would explain a lot.

JK. I agree, it's edged into paranoia.

bigbaggyeyes · 10/06/2021 18:43

His colleague warned her that you were family

Her asking your ds his age is to find out information. That could be anything, but it was to either to confirm, or not, some information someone has told her.

peridito · 10/06/2021 18:44

Hopefully the OP's husband's response to queries from his wife will reassure her .