Strange unannounced visit

[santamarga]

Can I ask what you would have done or would do in this situation?

I dropped in unannounced into my husband's place of work (he owns it) with our children as we were in the area and thought it might be nice to pop in. Everything was nice, children having a chat with their dad, and a couple of male colleagues.

Suddenly this woman comes in, strides basically between where we were all standing chatting, and plonks her bag and some papers on DH's desk. The conversation between us all stopped, as I was looking at the woman, waiting for someone to speak.

It suddenly felt really awkward, DH said nothing, just stood there, and the woman was kind of waiting at the desk, as if she had an appointment and just assumed me and the children were customers so was waiting for us to finish.

One of the colleagues said to her something like 'it's a family conference here' in a jokey kind of way.

She then looks up, never once looked at me, looked the children up and down, and asked DS how old he was! When he replied she said 'oh, that's interesting'.

Then she picks up her bag and said something, I don't know what, and proceeds to walk out. It just felt so awkward, and DH said nothing during this.

Apparently she was a rep who had called in unannounced.

Would you have concerns about this?

What is your ‘gut’ telling you Op,?
It’s obviously telling you something

Is your husband normally quiet and socially awkward? Yes her behaviour sounds ‘entitled’, but why did he act so strangely?

Or perhaps they've been having it off and she had no idea he's married with kids...and now she's pissed.

@AlternativePerspective

-I would assume they’d slept together at some point.

In fact I would go further and assume that they’d slept together and she had no idea that he was married, and that maybe you were pregnant at the time.

This.

How did she say the “oh that’s interesting” in response to DS age?

All very weird. If she was indeed just a rep, she may well have been a bit of a forward one in the striding through and putting her stuff down, but I’d that was the case, surely your husband would’ve said ‘hi Sally, not a good time I’m afraid/I’ll be with you in a minute/here, Dave, can you speak to Sally a minute?’ Etc. It’s very weird that he just didn’t say anything and that no one else said anything and that suddenly the atmosphere was awkward, even with the other colleagues.
All very suspect.

Wow! Dh has a LOT of explaining to do. Normal response would be to acknowledge her, introduce her etc. Not stand there like a lemon. Odd questions from her. Bet the workplace is buzzing. Well done that man for attempting to cover up an awkward silence.

It was all just really awkward, you know, like when men stare at the ground, shuffle their feet, hands in pockets? I couldn't see what DH was doing as he was standing next to me, but I just got vibes, can't really explain it. DH is normally very talkative, so to be silent was unusual. The colleague who spoke is a nice man - they're all nice - but I would say he is the most socially confident.

DH just said afterwards something like she was trying to sell advertising and that she 'shouldnt bloody come in without an appointment' (but he's also said that about other male reps, so not unusual).

He has form for taking out a different female sales rep to lunch without telling me but no form (that I know of) for anything more than that.

@MaMaD1990

Sounds like he's been doing he dirty with her to me. People don't behave like that, even socially awkward people...

I was thinking the same.

Sounds to me like she walked in, wanted to speak to your husband, had no idea who you all were and was waiting for someone to say (hence the awkward silence), was then told it was his family, make awkward small talk (how old are you), then left.

Then you start digging. Your spider senses have been triggered and you need to find out a little more I think

He’s been caught off guard and she obviously is use to being in the office (bag on desk). Definitely trust your gut.

@username4567720

Sounds to me like she walked in, wanted to speak to your husband, had no idea who you all were and was waiting for someone to say (hence the awkward silence), was then told it was his family, make awkward small talk (how old are you), then left.

Agree.

The "it's a family conference" comment would ring alarm bells for me, especially when you factor in all the awkwardness. What, like the woman was part of your DH's family? I wonder why a colleague would make a remark like that, unless they know something you don't.

Dodgy as hell especially asking your little boys age. Shame you didn't ask her why she wanted to know.

How old are all the children? I mean, is the one she asked the age of much younger? I'm wondering why she only asked that one and would be suspicious that he had told her he had two older children but kept the new one a secret

@JemimaTiggywinkle

How did she say the “oh that’s interesting” in response to DS age?

It was kind of a 'oh, that's interesting' pursed lips, sarcastic type of thing.

Bizarrely, the feeling I experienced in the moment was: hang on a minute, this woman who I've never met, who is in my and my DH's property, seems to be lording it over all of us, and then getting seemingly pissed off at my DS being the age that he was!

I know you can't tell by appearances but she looked like a professional - suit, nice perfume, well-groomed - her behaviour after she was told DH's family were there seemed radically different to the impression she'd given as she had walked into the property. I think what was said threw her.

I reckon your gut instinct is right

Yeah, he's been shagging her and told her he didn't have sex with his wife anymore. Was your DS the youngest?

@copperpotsalot

How old are all the children? I mean, is the one she asked the age of much younger? I'm wondering why she only asked that one and would be suspicious that he had told her he had two older children but kept the new one a secret

Two children, DS and DD, both look older than their years. Don't want to give away exact age but DS in the region of 10 to 12. DD older but probably looks a year or two older than her years.

The thing about was he shagging her when DS was born - it doesn't make sense because that would have been at least a decade ago if that was the case?

It does sound odd. Not only the woman's behaviour, but also your DH's. You say that he is normally socially confident but he stared at the ground and shuffled his feet. It sounds as though he wasn't confident about two parts of his life that he normally keeps separate coming together. I would ask DH about her.

@Ragwort

I find it odd that your DH didn't say anything ... surely as a business owner he would say 'good morning name, I'll be with you in ten minutes, why not grab yourself a coffee' ... or similar, the fact that he said nothing is very strange, is he socially awkward or covering something up ?

My DH has his own business, he would just introduce me to whoever it was and make it a three way conversation .

Yes this was what struck me too, the silence from your DH is really strange in that situation.

I think it's quite a familiar and territorial thing to do, to fling your bag down on someone's desk when he's talking to another woman. The awkward atmosphere of everyone around you and her response to your son's age etc all sound suspicious. The colleague announcing that it was a "family conference" almost sounds like he was warning the lady that you were his wife so to watch what she says/does. It could be entirely innocent but I would feel very odd about it too, if it were me. I'd be inclined to ask for the reps name and do some digging and (I know it's not good) but check his phone when he's not looking.

I'm sorry to say OP but this would worry me immensely.

It sounds like she was holding all the cards - your husband uncharacteristically quiet. A sales rep is not the person in charge, the sales rep is asking for something. I assume she asked the age of your youngest child. That would suggest there's been a "we haven't been intimate in ten years" type of lie being spun. Also, I think the colleague stepping in was signalling her.

I'm sorry. Really I would not normally suggest an affair but this really sounds like it. I would not confront him, I would dig around a lot.

However there is one other possible explanation; she is extraordinarily brazen and socially awkward. It's unlikely but possible.

I really really hope it's the second explanation.

I agree with Megs.
I also think that as you feel the atmosphere shifted and everyone was suddenly frozen and a bit strange, then you are picking up on something.