Strange unannounced visit

[santamarga]

Can I ask what you would have done or would do in this situation?

I dropped in unannounced into my husband's place of work (he owns it) with our children as we were in the area and thought it might be nice to pop in. Everything was nice, children having a chat with their dad, and a couple of male colleagues.

Suddenly this woman comes in, strides basically between where we were all standing chatting, and plonks her bag and some papers on DH's desk. The conversation between us all stopped, as I was looking at the woman, waiting for someone to speak.

It suddenly felt really awkward, DH said nothing, just stood there, and the woman was kind of waiting at the desk, as if she had an appointment and just assumed me and the children were customers so was waiting for us to finish.

One of the colleagues said to her something like 'it's a family conference here' in a jokey kind of way.

She then looks up, never once looked at me, looked the children up and down, and asked DS how old he was! When he replied she said 'oh, that's interesting'.

Then she picks up her bag and said something, I don't know what, and proceeds to walk out. It just felt so awkward, and DH said nothing during this.

Apparently she was a rep who had called in unannounced.

Would you have concerns about this?

In reference to her asking your Ds's age:
Perhaps the woman had been trying to sell something to your husband and her pitch involved asking his kids ages eg.
Rep: 'I'm sure even your kids would use this product (aimed at teens)'
DH: 'no, my kids are far too young, not interested in this at all, not buying it'.

I just can't fathom how, if she was having an affair, she would have the nerve to take the opportunity to calculate your kids ages in order to call out your DH on a lie. If I was having an affair with a bloke and his wife was stood there I'd probably be so flustered and caught off guard I'd apologise for interrupting and leave. Not start questioning the kids.

Also I think if they was having an affair, like you've said, she would probably know what you all look like (from social media). So why would colleague need to say a warning comment?

I dunno maybe I'm clutching at straws, you know your own relationship OP. Are there any other signs?

This is when you get your ducks in a row and protect yourself financially and see a solicitor to spell out where you stand.

Why are you presuming the OP would want to seek legal advice if he did have an affair?

It does annoy me how disproportionately invested some mners become on these threads.

@EpochTime

Whatever the truth, you and your children found yourselves to be in a situation none of you deserved. It sounds like you and your children intended for it to be a nice surprise meet-up with dad. Yet you've instead come away feeling unsettled and worrying about the state of your marriage and feeling sorry for and worrying about your DS.

I do really wish some men would think a bit more deeply and cherish their families rather than their own egos.

It sounds like he's relished being the big business-man who can wine and dine female associates, while at the same time having the beautiful family at home. PP mentioned worlds colliding which had previously been kept separate. This is a classic sign of a narcissist - compartmentalisation.

And, yes, such men often will 'trade down' in the looks stakes when having affairs, especially where they have trophy wives (narc men will often seek out trophy wives). Narcissists are supreme charmers, so it is never surprising when other women enter into affairs and fall for them.

Because narcissists compartmentalise, they have the ability to maintain lies for years, so a decade would not be surprising.

All guesswork, but that is what it sounds like.

I agree with all this

How can you possibly diagnose, or even presume to be in a position to diagnose, someone you have never met and about whom you have scarcely any information with a serious personality disorder? It is preposterous. And as for asking for updates, that is crass.
I think these threads do more harm than good with all the projecting and fantasising, and as others have said, sheer nuttiness they bring out.

@midsomermurderess

How can you possibly diagnose, or even presume to be in a position to diagnose, someone you have never met and about whom you have scarcely any information with a serious personality disorder? It is preposterous. And as for asking for updates, that is crass. I think these threads do more harm than good with all the projecting and fantasising, and as others have said, sheer nuttiness they bring out.

I agree, this thread is insane.

@midsomermurderess and @SuperstoreFan

I can see you feel this whole thread and peoples explanations of events do not tally with how the situation looks to you.

Could you instead of just critising pp's , give your explanation of what you think was occuring. Op has asked for peoples views and the majority think it was an very uncomfortable situation.

Why do you think otherwise, maybe for you to feel this woman was a threat she needed to be naked, spread eagled on his desk.
I don't know your reasoning why your views differ so much from others, maybe your concience is being pricked, maybe you are male or maybe you have a vested interest in this thread personally.
Seriously I would like to know your analytical view on why the situation was perfectly innocent.

We are listening.

I don't have any view on it. None what so ever, how are any of us to know what if anything is going on?. Bloody hell dunes' you are downright creepy. And with that bonkers 'we are listening', the epitome of the nuttiness I mentioned; and who is this 'we'?
How is any of this fantasising and projection and wild speculation useful? Frankly, despite your head-tilting earnestness, I think for many people here it's just entertainment.

How very noble of you Mid.

Your excitability and being proprietorial over a stranger's life is downright odd, dunes.

As are the 16 pages worth of pp's I assume, or is it just me who would genuinely like to know your view on op's question.

Because that's why we are here.

I'm not at all sure that all people are on this thread for the reasons you think they are. And of course it's 16 pages, these ones always are huge, very very popular. It'll be the top-trending conversation before the day is out.
And I'm still getting a very strong creepy vibe.

Mid you do many of us a disservice if you think we're using OPs thread for entertainment. For many of us these kinds of weird interactions were the first inkling that our partners were up to no good. I don't think sharing the OPs concerns, PPs adding their own take on it, and also giving accounts of similar awkward interactions could be classed as a form of entertainment.

Of course there'll always be those who project their own anxieties and insecurities, likely having gone through a similar experience. And there will always be those here just to wind OP up, but I think that's quite a small percentage tbh.

I maintain it was an odd thing to happen, but until OP raises it with her husband then it's all conjecture.

@midsomermurderess

I'm surprised you're still getting that strong creepy vibe, seeing as you seemed to get no vibe from the op's situation and have critised others for having an opinion.

It seems you can switch your senses on and off at a whim.

I wonder if the op has asked her husband yet?

Op have you asked your DH? Look him in the eye?

Absolutely batshit.

I'm not at all sure that all people are on this thread for the reasons you think they are. And of course it's 16 pages, these ones always are huge, very very popular. It'll be the top-trending conversation before the day is out.
And I'm still getting a very strong creepy vibe.

It's wild when posters come on MN and put down other posters for being on MN. Tbh YOU sound rather proprietorial over what constitutes appropriate MN. " these ones are always huge...."

Err. That's what it's here for sweetie. Course you wouldn't, what with the 'creepy vibe' and all.

Absolutely batshit.

Yeah, whatevs. It's MN.

The fact that she replied 'that's interesting' would concern me. Plus the colleague jumping in. Affairs can go on for years. Hate to say it but she could even have children with him. Keep schtum for now. If it's going to come to light then it probably will soon. Act nonchalant and do a bit of digging behind the scenes. Two people I know of had husbands who an affair for over 10 years before it came to light.

Where is the OP? 👀

@SugarbabyMilly, such a good question. She's confronted him, he's either wormed his way out, or shut it down. I've seen this with my friend. 3 years later, he's still cheating.

What a waste of time.

Orrrrr maybe she is in bits because she has found out the truth and has better things to do than update a bunch of vultures whi are waiting with baited breath for the juicy gossip ?

Who knows eh ?

@FrumpyBetty

Orrrrr maybe she is in bits because she has found out the truth and has better things to do than update a bunch of vultures whi are waiting with baited breath for the juicy gossip ?

Who knows eh ?

Agree. OP doesn't owe us anything just because she posted here asking for opinions. Also maybe posters have drawn her attention to some angles she hadn't thought of herself and that might have caused distress and worry for her. This is her actual life.