Strange unannounced visit

[santamarga]

Can I ask what you would have done or would do in this situation?

I dropped in unannounced into my husband's place of work (he owns it) with our children as we were in the area and thought it might be nice to pop in. Everything was nice, children having a chat with their dad, and a couple of male colleagues.

Suddenly this woman comes in, strides basically between where we were all standing chatting, and plonks her bag and some papers on DH's desk. The conversation between us all stopped, as I was looking at the woman, waiting for someone to speak.

It suddenly felt really awkward, DH said nothing, just stood there, and the woman was kind of waiting at the desk, as if she had an appointment and just assumed me and the children were customers so was waiting for us to finish.

One of the colleagues said to her something like 'it's a family conference here' in a jokey kind of way.

She then looks up, never once looked at me, looked the children up and down, and asked DS how old he was! When he replied she said 'oh, that's interesting'.

Then she picks up her bag and said something, I don't know what, and proceeds to walk out. It just felt so awkward, and DH said nothing during this.

Apparently she was a rep who had called in unannounced.

Would you have concerns about this?

Until OP broaches the subject with her husband it's all just conjecture.

Very strange and awkward! would make me paranoid as well tbh

However op as you've been advised, you need to speak to your H. and tell us what he says

If he is having an affair and he is telling lies about the ages of his kids, or about relations with his wife, then he's going to be in hot water with his ow

Good luck talking to him OP

asked DS how old he was! When he replied she said 'oh, that's interesting

I'd say they were having an affair and that he told her you don't have sex anymore and the age of your son is when they were at it. Sorry OP.

Very strange for a rep to go in, straight to the owner and for them not to speak. She just leaves achieving absolutely nothing.

The interaction with your son was so odd. Even people who aren't good with children would offer a smile out of politeness.

It’s screamingly obvious.

Bolshy and over-familiar female. No eye contact with wife. Silent husband. Odd interjection from a colleague. Zero introductions.

Though you have no proof, the damage has been done. You now no longer trust your DH.

I wish you strength and resolve for the future You and your children deserve better.

OP have you spoken to your DH about the weird interaction?

I would be popping in more frequently and seeing if his routine changes

Can you do more digging on her SM? Hs your DH got any friends in common with her?

It feels on here like men can barely breathe at times without people assuming an affair

She’s weird, yes, but I’m not sure anything in this thread points to an obvious affair!

Occam's razor : "the simplest explanation is usually the best one

If they're having an affair everything that happened makes sense

If they're not, it's hard to explain her strange behaviour

Slightly different as they were employees and not reps from another company, but I have come across two women in the past who acted in that territorial way in their managers' offices and on both occasions it turned out they were having affairs with the boss (separate bosses. Two different companies). Both would act as if they owned the managers' office and do things like chuck their bags down on the desk, and take their lunch in there to eat. They both would also barge into the managers' office without knocking.

I am a firm believer in listening to gut instinct, and I think if gut instinct is telling you that something isn't right, then you should take notice! There might be other explanations but I would absolutely want to find out what they were!

@Icancelledthecheque

It feels on here like men can barely breathe at times without people assuming an affair

She’s weird, yes, but I’m not sure anything in this thread points to an obvious affair!

I have seen couples where it is obvious one of them is having an affair. I always assumed their partner knew but was pretending not to. This thread has changed my mind. Some people obviously just do not spot the signs.

Very strange behaviour on her part. I would feel very suspicious of something more going on

I think for me, the suspicious thing is her pointedly asking your son's age. Obviously, I wasn't there but I almost read that as a barb to your DH. Almost a 'you've got some explaining to do'.

I could be wrong though. Intonation tells you a lot.

I hope we are all wrong but if not, stay strong OP, we will be here for you.

Still wanting to know what industry? Most sales reps are still contacting over phone or zoom due to Covid. 🤷‍♀️ we had our first one in over a year today 🤷‍♀️

My take is that something is going on between them. Her presence during your visit rendered your H mute and paralyzed, and caused silent chaos in the office.

She was queening. Planting her bag on H’s desk was certainly overfamiliar and territorial. The coworkers appeared uncomfortable, suggesting that they are privy to something inappropriate, so one of them gave her a heads-up re your identity. She then felt entitled to give your children the once-over and to blank you and DD. She had an agenda when asking DS his age and digging at H with her sarcastic response.

I would be livid and would absolutely be getting to the bottom of this. This woman swanned into your family business and dominated the space and energy. She was rude to you and the children while your H just stood there passively. He was frozen because his wife and girlfriend were facing each other.

She clearly rumbled him...but so did you. He has history for being deceptive about women, and it seems obvious that he has been prioritizing an illicit relationship with this one and has involved your children in their plans.

"Oh, that's interesting". How was your dh when you were pg with ds? How was he when you told him you were pg? How was he for those first months after ds was born?

I agree with Mzdoglady. My first thoughts the same.

Any updates op?

Strange behaviour by this woman, however I believe you have the right to ask your DH about the encounter.

@MsDogLady exactly my thoughts. My women's intuition is blaring on your behalf OP.

I believe Msdoglady has nailed it. I wouldn't start probing him, he'll already be on high alert as it is. Bide your time and let him think you've forgotten about it. In the meantime, start playing detective and get your paperwork together in one place.

I went through all this 5 years ago when I was taken for a fool. Not saying you are but those spidey senses have been triggered so I wouldn't ignore them.

@MsDogLady

My take is that something is going on between them. Her presence during your visit rendered your H mute and paralyzed, and caused silent chaos in the office.

She was queening. Planting her bag on H’s desk was certainly overfamiliar and territorial. The coworkers appeared uncomfortable, suggesting that they are privy to something inappropriate, so one of them gave her a heads-up re your identity. She then felt entitled to give your children the once-over and to blank you and DD. She had an agenda when asking DS his age and digging at H with her sarcastic response.

I would be livid and would absolutely be getting to the bottom of this. This woman swanned into your family business and dominated the space and energy. She was rude to you and the children while your H just stood there passively. He was frozen because his wife and girlfriend were facing each other.

She clearly rumbled him...but so did you. He has history for being deceptive about women, and it seems obvious that he has been prioritizing an illicit relationship with this one and has involved your children in their plans.

This.

He was literally frozen to the spot.

This is when you get your ducks in a row and protect yourself financially and see a solicitor to spell out where you stand.

Try and calm your emotions.
This is the time to be clinical.

Reach out for support IRL.