Men + unrealistic expectations OLD

[Kitchentop]

The men I’ve dated from the online world seem to have very unrealistic expectations - young, skinny, ‘feminine’ women etc even though they’ve been absolutely nothing special themselves whatsoever. I guess it’s entitlement?
It seems to be worse in London where I am based. I am originally from outside of the big city and in my hometown men seem to be more realistic and very happy with normal women - not size 8-10 etc
Just wondering is this a London and online dating phenomena?

@fantasmasgoria1
Sorry I should have asked how old you where when you met your fiancé on old rather than your current age.
Of course you may have been one of the lucky ones who met one of the few good ones and didn’t receive all the unsolicited dick pics , comments on your appearance etc but I think that you’d be in the lucky minority

@Washingtofold you seem to have had some really bad luck with men. The men I've been with have always been very complimentary about my body and looks and this is the experience shared by my friends who are all different shapes and sizes. I wish men were a bit pickier if I'm honest like we're are.

I should add I've only used the apps where we have to match before being able to start a conversation. Maybe if I went on the other ones it would be a different story.

I haven't done online dating for years - I'd rather be single and celibate forever tbh!

When I did try, I was told I was too fat; a good bet because I wasn't attractive enough to have the opportunity to cheat and too old once I'd turned 40, despite being younger than him (all by different men I hasten to add). I had one man physically recoil when he saw me naked.

I was a size 10/12 at the time.

I had one man launch a completely unprovoked verbal attack on me for being too attractive and the sort of woman who enjoyed pissing men like him about

Honestly, it's a complete waste of time. I can't speak for the women on there (except that I'm pretty normal!) but I wouldn't want a man I'd met online!

[quote coronaway]@Washingtofold you seem to have had some really bad luck with men. The men I've been with have always been very complimentary about my body and looks and this is the experience shared by my friends who are all different shapes and sizes. I wish men were a bit pickier if I'm honest like we're are.[/quote]
Unfortunately not just me as attested to by the many many women here saying the same and the many women I know who experience the same
I’m glad there are some who have experienced different

Tbh, I've been physically criticised by so many men that a compliment would feel unnatural and fake. I'd rather no comment was made.

I don't think a compliment would reassure or flatters me, I'd assume they were just saying it because they knew they were supposed to and thought it likely to get them what they want

I have experienced OLD.
Im definitely not a young slim thing, nor can I say I have the face of a supermodel.
But I'm real and honest about myself.
More than can be said for alot of the men I have spoken to.... lying about their marital status, using old pictures, their height etc.
Im really not bothered about looks, I would like to meet someone who actually likes themselves and has a personality that doesn't include getting drunk and playing a PlayStation etc.
Not too much to ask you'd think?? Apparently it is!
I wouldn't go and meet one guy in a hotel room so he sent me a picture of a cucumber hanging out of his arse with the message 'this is what you're missing ' !! Errr.. nope, I'm definitely NOT missing your hairy arse with random supermarket salad stuck up it (still with the wrapping on 🤢) wtaf is wrong with people?
Im sure some women can be as bad, but we don't have very many men giving their experiences on here.
For now I remain single with no OLD accounts. Im happy this way.

I’ve always been told I’m very attractive and young looking for my age (meh)
Yet a man in his 40s was very critical about my body and stopped having sex with me because I didn’t look like the 21 year olds he wanted to date
This is despite the fact that he had a beer belly and a mop of white hair and was less attractive than me
Another guy in his 30s called me a ‘milf’ despite me having no child and him being older than me
I also recall the time at a party when a group of men aged 30 approached me and started to flirt - I looked younger than them despite being 5 years older
As soon as I mentioned my age, they looked very surprised and somewhat horrified and started joking about ‘being with child’ and walked off
I could go on and on...

I should add again that I don’t think men are at all picky about a ons or even short term and yes they will compliment till the cows come home , but when it comes to settling down a lot of them seem to think they deserve someone younger … a real sense of entitlement

@Holowiwi

8-10 used to be the 'norm' in this country. Not sure why looking for someone with a healthy weight and is feminine is unrealistic. Of course it depends on what the men look like as well.

Size 8 wasn't the norm in the 70s and 80s. 10s and 12s were the norm then.

@stealthninjamum

I think pp is referring to men’s expectations on sex based on porn. I had a few guys want to do ‘videosex’ or swap pictures before I’d even met them and anecdotally I know that lots of men expect anal sex or choking / strangling / bdsm.

I find the idea of women being choked and strangled by men so shocking that I can't believe it's talked about casually. What the fuck are men thinking, that they believe they can do that to a woman? In the past the only stranglers were murderers - why is this now something women should expect?

@HollowTalk

Nope, try wearing a size 10 from the 70s and a size 10 today. You will notice that there is at least 2 inches difference between the 2.

Clothing sizing has undergone what is called “vanity sizing”. As the population has become larger, so have our clothes.

Either way what men prioritise when looking for partners is different from what women do. So to female friends a woman may seem like a great catch but men may not see that person the same way.

[quote Holowiwi]@HollowTalk

Nope, try wearing a size 10 from the 70s and a size 10 today. You will notice that there is at least 2 inches difference between the 2.

Clothing sizing has undergone what is called “vanity sizing”. As the population has become larger, so have our clothes.

Either way what men prioritise when looking for partners is different from what women do. So to female friends a woman may seem like a great catch but men may not see that person the same way.[/quote]
Yes men prioritise women’s youth and looks above all else
That’s EXACTLY what most of the women here are saying
It’s plain mysogyny
Whilst men are valued for wisdom intelligence , life experience sense of humour and personal characteristics , women are valued for things much more superficial and are therefore deemed to have a very short shelf life
Your posts only reinforce what is being said by most of the women here

@Holowiwi tell me also , what is it exactly that men value about being able to choke women , have them perform anal sex on demand , cater to their every wish and not express any personal feelings , boundaries , pain or wants of their own
Why are men not only so shallow but completely lacking in an ability to even see women as human let alone equals ?

@washingtofold

Whether you think it is misogyny or not it does not matter. Men have always picked their partners this way and that won't change. The dating scene is different for both sexes and there are advantages and disadvantages for both, life is not fair.

The problem is a lot of women think that what is makes a man attractive to women is the same thing as what makes a woman attractive to men and that simply is not the case. Sure women can get sex anytime they want regardless of what they look like (this is not the case for men). However it is completely different when it comes to long term relationships.

Personally I think it is a shame that the relationship dynamics between men and women is not great for Gen x and millennial s.

@washingtofold ''tell me also , what is it exactly that men value about being able to choke women , have them perform anal sex on demand , cater to their every wish and not express any personal feelings , boundaries , pain or wants of their own
Why are men not only so shallow but completely lacking in an ability to even see women as human let alone equals?''

You are right excessive porn use is a bad thing imo. And any man that is doing all the things above is no man of value imo. I think that there has been a lot of things which has changed so rapidly in a short space of time that we haven't quite understood the side effects. Social media (especially when combined with AI), 24-7 access to pornography which gets more extreme as time goes on, sexual liberation which is good thing overall but means that we delay things etc. All things have unintended consequences some of which we can accept some that needs to be looked at because it is actually detrimental to society. I don't see what can be done for the current dating scene for the 40-50+ as the damage has already been done. But I hope that the younger generations learn from where we went wrong as always.

no holowiwi statistics show it's mostly heterosexual people around the same age who marry, so it's not true that men always go for (much) younger
but it's what the majority of men on OLD try to attract, and mostly fail, and they moan when having to date a woman their own age, or slightly younger, when what they really want, but can't get is a 21 year old
this is the main topic of this thread

@coronaway

I've posted similar before on MM but online dating is pretty hellish for both men and women. Don't get me wrong, I like to vent about the men I come across on dating sites probably more than all of you but it doesn't mean it's any better for men.

As some other people have said a large percentage of men simply don't get a foot in the door with online dating. Also I think OLD encourages personality traits and characteristics which aren't necessarily ideal for real world dating.

A number of posts have complained about how men want younger (which as a single women just shy of 40 I'm all too aware of!) however a lot of women clearly want an older man too. My brother who is tall, athletic, good looking, very funny, solvent, genuinely lovely (I realise I'm biased) wasn't getting anywhere with the apps until he recently lowered his searchable age range right down. He is mid 30s and would rather date a women in her 30s but never matches with them.

Again, I'm not disagreeing with most of the points raised but the men aren't having much fun either. I think it's important to remember that as I went through a stage where I was really jaded with it all and started lumping all men together.

@coronaway if your brother is genuinely how you describe him there's no way he wouldn't be swamped by women in their 30s on OLD!

Wow some of the comments men have left women on this thread are outrageous!! What is the point even, do they get a kick out of it?! It sounds like I've just been very lucky in that case (not that lucky though - still single!).

@SarahDarah I've seen his Tinder - women in their 30s is like a ghost town, hardly ever a match. They wouldn't know about his personality through an app but his other attributes are clear to see. Maybe it's very location dependent?

@coronaway - Maybe there are less available women in their 30’s due to settling down and starting families. So that’s why he’s being matched with younger women.

[quote LollyPops111]@coronaway - Maybe there are less available women in their 30’s due to settling down and starting families. So that’s why he’s being matched with younger women.[/quote]
Yes quite possibly. That sounds logical anyway. This is why in my earlier post it's all very well complaining men go for younger women but by the same token women often choose older men. You can't have one without the other.

@coronaway - Could he try some of the paid sites, when my Mum was online dating (much older than your brother though!) she found the paid ones better.
I also think it’s harder for men because there’s a much higher percentage of men who use dating sites, compared to women.

I’m new to OLD & so far I think I hate it!

I also find the men I’ve been on 1st dates with feel entitled to grill me very closely on my relationship history. Yes it’s relevant for a potential new relationship but I find it’s like a job interview with list of questions that sometimes I don’t feel like answering to a stranger who is frankly giving quite vague descriptions of his own personal history…

Another thing that has really put me off is a friend who had been happily dating a guy for 2 years only to discover he's a nonce... he disappeared, she googled him when she was unable to contact him thinking he may have died (in their 60s) to discover he'd been arrested!! Just no....

Washingtofold - : I was 42 then and 47 now. I was on a paid site because I was told they are better than ones like pof and tinder. I got 1000 plus views and lots of messages. I only really liked my Fiancés profile. He liked similar stuff and didn't state a clothes size etc. I asked him about it and to be honest and he said if I had been up to an 18 that would have been OK for instant attraction but now he said if I put a lot of weight on and got to a size 20 or so he would still find me attractive because he loves me. I did get some dirty messages which I ignored and many men asking me to meet them. Many mens profiles did not state a size, a few said preference for a curvier or slim woman. I got very lucky with my Fiance because he's a genuinely good person, loving, caring, kind, considerate, supportive, understanding, respectful, generous, etc etc.