Men + unrealistic expectations OLD

[Kitchentop]

The men I’ve dated from the online world seem to have very unrealistic expectations - young, skinny, ‘feminine’ women etc even though they’ve been absolutely nothing special themselves whatsoever. I guess it’s entitlement?
It seems to be worse in London where I am based. I am originally from outside of the big city and in my hometown men seem to be more realistic and very happy with normal women - not size 8-10 etc
Just wondering is this a London and online dating phenomena?

@Femme99 well maybe the men should say slim build preferred then. Stating size 8-10 just seems a bit wanky.

Most women prefer to date taller men but AFAIK don't state height preference on their list because maybe Mr Perfect is 5ft 7.

Or it would be wrong to state that you only want to date people of a certain race or ethnicity but it's fine to say no fatties please.

waterSpider I’m unsurprised by what the data show - have you seen most men, compared to most women out there?

The problem, in my opinion, is the imbalance in self-esteem and self-awareness between the average man and the average woman.

Women, in general, have low self-esteem and rate themselves as less attractive than they really are. The number of stunningly beautiful, intelligent women I know who are obsessively insecure is astounding. Many end up with utter twats who treat them like shit.

Men, on the other hand, tend to be more confident and rate themselves higher in the scale of attractiveness. Completely average, bald 40-somethings with a beer belly truly believe they're God's gift to women and hence they have "the right" to choose a woman of similar attractiveness to what they perceive themselves to be.

This does not only happen to dirty old twats, I have lost count of the number of male friends who are otherwise lovely and would have a great chance with women their own age, but that when looking for a partner focus on women 15 years younger and much more attractive than them... ignoring the evidence that these women mostly look at them as they would at their father, and have a large pool of suitable, younger,m more attractive males around them they will go for.

I am convinced this is the reason OLD apps are chock-a-block full of average looking guys who have been unsuccessful members for years. And still don't learn, or worse, they become bitter because "women are too bloody choosy these days".

Who cares what men's expectations are. Them being deluded is just an easy discard. That was the least of my concerns on OLD. That most of them turned out to be selfish, tight, entitled, lazy and/or controlling was far more of an issue for me.

I've tindered a fair bit and I think I've only ever seen one guy specify they wanted a size 8-10 on their profile. I've seen lots say they want girls with curves though.

Just be honest with your photos and they can swipe right or not. And if they start talking about how toned you aren't, point out their bald patch/squint nose/dodgy dress sense and tell them they probably aren't for you then block them. Wankers.

I agree but it does make it easier to weed out the dodgy ones! Any that stated a long list of requirements on their profile were instantly out when I was OLD, even if I fit the description. Then there were the ones who on a date would go on and on about looks. It's definitely like looking for a needle in a haystack!

Of course, there's nothing to stop them looking at women's profiles and screening according to taste but it's so entitled to make a profile with a requirements list.

Odd post

A woman who is size 8 can have a perfectly plain face in the same way a tall muscular man might not be good looking.

Lots of women dont like short men, or even worse short bald fat men…

So nothing at all wrong with not being attracted to a woman who is size 14-16 even if you’re no oil painting yourself!

@Holowiwi

8-10 used to be the 'norm' in this country. Not sure why looking for someone with a healthy weight and is feminine is unrealistic. Of course it depends on what the men look like as well.

8-10 hasn’t been the norm for a long time, if ever! Size 16 is that average size so no where near an 8.

Ive online dated as an unhealthy size 16 and a healthier size 12 as I am now. I must say I got as much attention bigger than I did smaller.
The difference is the men. As a size 16 it was more men my own age, now (well before I stopped dating alltogether) it was younger guys, all starting their messages as hi sexy or similar lol.
I do agree though, in general I think men in their 40s want to date women in their 30s and men in their 30s seem to want to date the same age.
Which leaves women in their 40s with either men way out of their top bracket or men in their 20s looking for the thrill of the older woman ha ha.

I dated a guy I met on Tinder for a few months who was almost 10 years older than me. I was 40 and he was approaching 50.

Just before we stopped seeing each other, he told me that he had received a message from a woman OLD but he said he wasn't interested as he only dates women 40 or below!

We didn't last much past that day as A) I had thought we were exclusive after 5 months and B) would he have dumped me as soon as I turned 41?! He did look good for his age but you're still pushing 50 mate!

I am a size 12-14 and luckily for him he only had positive things to say about my body so that's something I guess....

Yeah I’ve come across countless men in their 30, 40s + who don’t date below 30 🙄

Dating Men In London is tough. They always seem to behave like it’s a buyers market.

Tableflowers

You obviously didnt see the Mary Quant exhibition at the V&A.

She was high street fashion back then. I suspect the average size 16 woman today wouldn’t get a single thigh into one of her dresses!

@Wherearemymarbles

Tableflowers

You obviously didnt see the Mary Quant exhibition at the V&A.

She was high street fashion back then. I suspect the average size 16 woman today wouldn’t get a single thigh into one of her dresses!

I suppose their diet would have been far healthier with hardly any saturated fat etc…

@rookiemere

Oh FGS this thread is about OLD expectations not what size Marilyn Monroe actually was and the fact we're all corpulent hippos now.

Most women with a normal BMI are within range size 8-14. I can just about see specifying that as a prerequisite but wanting 8-10 says a lot about the man himself.

I think I love you.

One evening I was out in a group with a friend of a friend
She’s beautiful - tall, slender, very pretty etc and a lovely person
She had brought along a guy she had been dating from one of the apps and he spent the whole evening looking at me, when in reality, he should have been counting his lucky stars to be with her!
I’ll never understand these men 🤷‍♀️

I saw it.

Sizes have got bigger since the 60s. I'd guess that a 10 now would have been a 14 back then

*The problem, in my opinion, is the imbalance in self-esteem and self-awareness between the average man and the average woman.

Women, in general, have low self-esteem and rate themselves as less attractive than they really are. The number of stunningly beautiful, intelligent women I know who are obsessively insecure is astounding. Many end up with utter twats who treat them like shit.

Men, on the other hand, tend to be more confident and rate themselves higher in the scale of attractiveness. Completely average, bald 40-somethings with a beer belly truly believe they're God's gift to women and hence they have "the right" to choose a woman of similar attractiveness to what they perceive themselves to be.*

I think this is a big part of it. Haven't there been studies done showing that men will on average overestimate how well they have done in a test, how good at driving they are, etc whereas women underestimate. No surprise this extends to looks and general attractiveness.

Sounds like they should be looking for brides abroad if that's what they want, they won't get it here.

It's interesting and I agree that men and women do have different levels of self-esteem but I do wonder how these men get any dates given that apparently old has more men that women. when I was dating I was a mid 40s woman who was about 9 1/2 stone / size 8 with big boobs. Most men my age stipulated they wanted a woman 27 - 42 years old (ie younger than them), and nearly all less than 10 stone. I could understand if they were fit, outdoorsy guys who wanted someone at the same level of fitness but some of these men were 15 or 16 stone and it wasn't muscle. If I was a slim 30 year old there's no way I'd go out with a 45 year old even if he was fit, never mind 50% heavier than me!

It was really depressing that the only men who wanted to date me were either in their 50s (and bald) or in their early 30s (and just too young). There was one man of my own age who didn't judge on the basis of age and I've now been with him for two years but I think finding a non fussy man on online dating is like finding a needle in a haystack.

I also blame Hollywood/ the media in general for not being "honest" about what women past about 35ish look like. My husband is 10 years older than me (see, I contributed to the "problem") and doesn't really see himself as older than me I don't think. He's in his early 50s. When we visit his home village I occasionally see women in passing out on a walk or nipping to the shop for milk and we stop and chat- it's very rural and a bit hippyish in places so often they have greying hair not dyed, in a normal style not freshly and expensively styled, no Botox, little or no makeup, jeans and jumper type thing, (same as me, and DH's family too, and DH himself), ranging from plainish to pretty, slim-ish to a bit round-ish. If I comment after we have walked on- oh, she was in the same class as you at school wasn't she? I've noticed DH sometimes looks a bit uncomfortable. It doesn't happen with the ones who were in his older brother's class because they still fall into his mental bracket of "older" but when he is faced with a woman of his exact age, who looks her age - not awful or drawn or "let herself go"- just not strenuous attempts to cheat nature- you can definitely see a bit of cognitive dissonance going on.

But it must work. Otherwise they’d stop doing it. They must get enough replies, even if it doesn’t translate into something long term, to be worth their while.