Men + unrealistic expectations OLD

[Kitchentop]

The men I’ve dated from the online world seem to have very unrealistic expectations - young, skinny, ‘feminine’ women etc even though they’ve been absolutely nothing special themselves whatsoever. I guess it’s entitlement?
It seems to be worse in London where I am based. I am originally from outside of the big city and in my hometown men seem to be more realistic and very happy with normal women - not size 8-10 etc
Just wondering is this a London and online dating phenomena?

@TheWaif

That's just such rubbish. I know guys who literally swipe right on every woman and get nowhere.

You can't just message any women unless you've matched with them anyway. Unless you're using the bottom of the barrel sites, like Badoo & Plenty of Fish.

I agree many men just swipe right on every woman . That doesn’t have anything to do with most of them being superficial dicks though Most would have sex with any willing woman . It’s when it comes to dating that the whole ‘ I deserve a 25 yr old slim supermodel who behaves like a porn star’ mentality kicks in Of course once they get a woman in bed a lot of them will ask for any or all of the porn stuff like anal and try choking etc expecting women to dress up whilst they barely bother to wash their arse

Washingtofold 100% in agreement

@washingtofold omg I dont know whether to laugh or cry at that!

I met somebody my own age in real life after 3 years trawling. He is younger than me. We are a bit fragile now because of the distance covid put between us, but first man id met in ages who wasnt a completely entitled arsehole. So, i still think now that real life or nowhere, probably nowhere, is where id meet somebody from now on.

@TheWaif

That's just such rubbish. I know guys who literally swipe right on every woman and get nowhere.

You can't just message any women unless you've matched with them anyway. Unless you're using the bottom of the barrel sites, like Badoo & Plenty of Fish.

I met my other half on plenty of fish! Just celebrated 11 years together! Healthy size 14 here. And was pushing 40 when we met.

Online dating is completely different to how it was 10 years ago. Glad it worked out for you burnoutbabe

I'm not sure men have changed that much though in only 10 years.
Some people are picky, they always have been. I didn't want any men with kids or men who weren't tall (like me) and was fine that this may mean I stayed single.

I bet you didn’t receive a single dick picture 10 years ago.

On many levels it has completely changed.

@TheWaif you can like/message any woman on Hinge and OKC (they might not see it unless they match but you still can).

I'm size 10, very sporty/fit, take care of appearance, profile says I'm into fitness and eating well and I constantly get messages from extremely overweight, balding men with barely filled in profiles....why? Just why?

what I don’t understand is why these men don’t stick to the sex oriented apps and websites for those kind of things.

This^

I can only assume it's because they won't admit to themselves that's what they need. They like to pretend that they can get a girlfriend to give them the adventurous sex they want. It's really just lve sexual entertainment they want. Again, there are providers of same out there.

However, they resent paying for sex. Even to them, it's the lowest of the low.

So why treat someone like that because they are on a dating site ? There really is the, 'Girlfriend Experience' that can be arranged and paid for upfront with a prostitute.

But they didn't pay for sex, therefore it's their fatal charm that got them what they want. It's all about their needs, isn't it ?

Just where do they get their ideas ? I know, porn.

So date a porn star. See how far that gets you.......i.e. even porn stars have a day off !

I constantly get messages from extremely overweight, balding men with barely filled in profiles....why? Just why?

Because you have a vagina. Sorry to be so blunt.

I've posted similar before on MM but online dating is pretty hellish for both men and women. Don't get me wrong, I like to vent about the men I come across on dating sites probably more than all of you but it doesn't mean it's any better for men.

As some other people have said a large percentage of men simply don't get a foot in the door with online dating. Also I think OLD encourages personality traits and characteristics which aren't necessarily ideal for real world dating.

A number of posts have complained about how men want younger (which as a single women just shy of 40 I'm all too aware of!) however a lot of women clearly want an older man too. My brother who is tall, athletic, good looking, very funny, solvent, genuinely lovely (I realise I'm biased) wasn't getting anywhere with the apps until he recently lowered his searchable age range right down. He is mid 30s and would rather date a women in her 30s but never matches with them.

Again, I'm not disagreeing with most of the points raised but the men aren't having much fun either. I think it's important to remember that as I went through a stage where I was really jaded with it all and started lumping all men together.

@coronaway
As for men wanting younger and some women wanting older I think it needs to be recognised that for many of these men 35 is a cut off for women’s desirability , regardless of the mans age . In fact for many men the younger the better . Just look at the studies showing that regardless of a mama age a 22yr old woman was most desirable for most men , whilst women’s ideal partner for older as she does
Even if we are generous as say they think k 35 is still ‘ hot enough for them ? We are looking at a dating like of 17yrs for a woman , until many , most ? Men consider her shelf life over
Whilst men ego complain that women want older are looking at literally decades possibly 40yrs or more where they are more and more desirable meat is this ? Hint , it’s not because men become better looking or better people
It’s because of mysogyby that still values women primarily for youth and appearance which lasts a short time
Sorry but I simply don’t believe men have to deal with anything close to what women do

I simply don’t believe men have to deal with anything close to what women do

I agree. Men just bitch about money i.e. she just wanted a life style.

I simply don’t believe men have to deal with anything close to what women do

Absolutely
The men I know agree with this as well

@parsnipsnotsprouts

I have traditional ( prob unpopular on here)methods that weed out time wasters and miracle gro the good ones. Tips- Don’t over invest time, travel or emotions in any of them. Set up lots of first dates. Rotational date if they get past the first. Treat first dates like quick meet and greets. One hour tops then you have somewhere to be. Let them ask you out for a further date and then give them two to three hours for the next date. Treat them like new acquaintances instead of potential love interests. Men get the sense you’re busy and not easily won over and if they like you they’ll step up their game to get your attention.

This was my eventual approach after being messed about for over a year by inadequate men. It worked, I lined them up. 2 or 3 a week. I met my lovely DP during a week that I had 3 dates lined up we had booked date 2 before date 1 was over

And this time without the typos ….. sorry all

As for men wanting younger and some women wanting older I think it needs to be recognised that for many of these men 35 is a cut off for women’s desirability , regardless of the mans age . In fact for many men the younger the better . Just look at the studies showing that regardless of a mans age a 22yr old woman was most desirable for most men , whilst women’s ideal partner for older as she does
Even if we are generous as say they think a 35yr old woman is still ‘ hot enough’ for them ? We are looking at a dating life of 17yrs for a woman , until many , most ? Men consider her shelf life over
Whilst men ego complain that women want older are looking at literally decades possibly 40yrs or more where they are more and more desirable!
Why is this ? Hint , it’s not because men become better looking or better people
It’s because of mysogyny that still values women primarily for youth and appearance which lasts a short time
Sorry but I simply don’t believe men have to deal with anything close to what women do

Oh, and to address the questions about why men that just want sex and extras don't use specific sites?
They do, but the roles are reversed. Men outnumber women on them 10-1
The ladies can pick and choose whoever they want.
I punched way above my weight on those sites (before I settled down)

@Sillyduckseverywhere I hear this approach often mentioned and it sounds logical. My problem is I can't find 2/3 men to go on dates with! It wouldn't be so bad if there was a sea of eligible men to choose who to go on dates with

Sure, if you’re 6ft 4, film star looks and dazzling charisma you can have your pic of women on old.

As you can in real life.

Plenty of decent men who might not be tall or good looking or who are bald get over looked by women aren't exactly beauties themselves.

Whilst there absolutely things women have to put up with that men dont there are plenty of grim people on old and there are plenty of decent people who have a thoroughly shit time of it

@Washingtofold exactly. That is the impression I get, that they think I should be impressing them and grateful for any attention because I'm 35, even though I still look young and am in good shape. tbh though it wasn't much different at 28. I think a lot of men think women just expire at 25.

@Otterhound

Sure, if you’re 6ft 4, film star looks and dazzling charisma you can have your pic of women on old.

As you can in real life.

Plenty of decent men who might not be tall or good looking or who are bald get over looked by women aren't exactly beauties themselves.

Whilst there absolutely things women have to put up with that men dont there are plenty of grim people on old and there are plenty of decent people who have a thoroughly shit time of it

Sure , there are good and bad people everywhere including online dating …. And Yes true that some men may get looked over for whatever reason but that’s completely different to women’s experience . We are not talking about women who are more attractive getting the pick of men and other women sometimes being looked over ( which is what you are saying in Reverse) rather , that men simply don’t get scrutinised for EVERY SINGLE aspect of their bodies and judged accordingly . And I’m talking EVERY single detail not just one or two . That’s the big difference that I think you are missing

I don’t do online dating, I’m not especially good looking nor rich, though I am tall, and I am always taken aback by the quality of women who show interest in me. Granted I am extroverted and I genuinely love people, so maybe that’s it. It’s saddening to think this doesn’t apparently go both ways.

I like to think there is somebody out there for everyone. I hope anyone reading this doesn’t lose hope and that something not just good enough, but blow your socks off amazing awaits just around the corner…

When I met my Fiance it was the only time I had ever been on old. I don't remember men only wanting women who were a size 10 and under, it seemed a really mixed bag.

@fantasmasgoria1

When I met my Fiance it was the only time I had ever been on old. I don't remember men only wanting women who were a size 10 and under, it seemed a really mixed bag.

I’m glad to hear it was like that for you. What is your age and how long were you on old ? I think those factors definitely make a huge difference I know many women in their 40s and 50s , good looking women who have been told by men the same age or older that they are simply to old and they are looking for someone younger