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Original poster

Men + unrealistic expectations OLD

229 replies

Kitchentop · 09/06/2021 09:06

The men I’ve dated from the online world seem to have very unrealistic expectations - young, skinny, ‘feminine’ women etc even though they’ve been absolutely nothing special themselves whatsoever. I guess it’s entitlement?
It seems to be worse in London where I am based. I am originally from outside of the big city and in my hometown men seem to be more realistic and very happy with normal women - not size 8-10 etc
Just wondering is this a London and online dating phenomena?

OP posts:
Eviebeans · 13/06/2021 13:02

I did OLD back in 2000. I felt expectations were sometimes unrealistic then so I dread to think what it's like now - I think some of it is due to the disconnect between the virtual and real life. In a way I feel sad for people who are starting out dating now.

TheWaif · 13/06/2021 14:12

No, I've found the majority have been really open about it. No one has tried to flatter me into bed, and as a woman in her 40s I'm hardly likely to fall for any young guy's cheesy chat up compliments 😆 I'm pretty confident in my looks anyway, so I don't really need to be flattered into anything.

BuddleiaBlooming · 14/06/2021 10:08

@TheWaif

No, I've found the majority have been really open about it. No one has tried to flatter me into bed, and as a woman in her 40s I'm hardly likely to fall for any young guy's cheesy chat up compliments 😆 I'm pretty confident in my looks anyway, so I don't really need to be flattered into anything.
Totally agree with this. I'm in my 40s and have a 'friend' 20 years younger.

The biggest difference I've seen between him and men in their 40s/50s is that he isn't jaded by life and doesn't have sexist expectations of me.

A lot of men in their 40s/50s claim to still be 25 at heart but, when you actually get down to it, they are anything but!

I didn't meet this guy on a dating site though. I met him in real life. I'm not actually interested in younger men at all really.

isitsummertimeyet · 15/06/2021 09:29

[quote Washingtofold]@isitsummertimeyet

Having read some of you other posts on different threads and seeing youre a man I would ask if you personally think it’s reasonable for men to expect women to look like porn stars and behave like them with the whole focus on the mans pleaure even if it’s unpleasant or painful for her.?
The expectations mentioned above are very very common from many many men now with all the extreme porn available 24/7 at the click of their fingers
I’m not saying that you are at all like that but wondering if you think those type of expectations on women reasonable and if anything other than that is considered to be ‘ laying back and thinking of England ‘Hmm[/quote]
not quite sure what a porn star look is? is that beach blonde hair, fake boobs and tanned because if so then deffo not, (I prefer dark haired females tbh)

i meant in the way of expectations just bog standard 2 or 3 positions, lying missionary position whilst a guy thrusts for a few minutes, token groans then he rolls off,

Surely loads of foreplay (both) before the main act (and during, why just have it as a starter) and the use of toys, fingers (again for both) Theres nothing porn like about that, its having fun and keeping it exciting.

If females on here are meeting guys online that expect some kind of 5* Porn experience then they are not the majority of how males are, at least not the guys i have known during my life, are these porn seeking men in their 20s, 30s? maybe its a generation thing if so..

Femme99 · 15/06/2021 10:05

@isitsummertimeyet - I think the poster means men that expect all women to like anal, choking etc. As this happens in a lot of porn nowadays, men think this is the norm and what women want but it’s not, lots of foreplay, passion, sexual chemistry is what women want, the same way a man likes a woman who is enthusiastic. Basically a guy who will make it his goal to satisfy a woman and not just be selfish about his needs.

Washingtofold · 15/06/2021 11:04

@isitsummertimeyet
Yes to all those descriptions of the porn star look ( although hair could be any colour )
The things you describe sound pretty normal but no it’s def not guys in their 20s and 30s who want the things I’m referring to . Men in their 40s 50s and up are huge porn consumers and often want this stuff
I’m not sure if you’re bisexual as you mention this not being your experience with men but sexually anal being choked and similar is definitely what a lot of men are expecting from women

Washingtofold · 15/06/2021 11:04

[quote Femme99]@isitsummertimeyet - I think the poster means men that expect all women to like anal, choking etc. As this happens in a lot of porn nowadays, men think this is the norm and what women want but it’s not, lots of foreplay, passion, sexual chemistry is what women want, the same way a man likes a woman who is enthusiastic. Basically a guy who will make it his goal to satisfy a woman and not just be selfish about his needs.[/quote]
This this this

BuddleiaBlooming · 15/06/2021 12:22

If females on here are meeting guys online that expect some kind of 5 Porn experience then they are not the majority of how males are, at least not the guys i have known during my life, are these porn seeking men in their 20s, 30s? maybe its a generation thing if so.*

I don't use online in anyway. The men I meet are in real life.

My 20 something man wants quite normal sex. Men in their 50s want anal and choking. In my experience. Or have ED and get quite angry with women about it...

GymQ123 · 15/06/2021 12:39

Maybe the left over men on OLD are more porn focussed

Rozziie · 15/06/2021 18:40

Any man I know who is normal only ever stays on OLD for a few weeks and then is snapped up. I have a colleague who is normal and nice, and he met his now girlfriend within his first week on an app, and they're still together two years later.

This is why I don't buy men's stories about how hard it is on apps. It really isn't hard for anyone decent, IMO. Anyone who is on them for months or years on end without finding a relationship...it's because they either don't want one and are just looking for sex, or they have some major flaws.

TheWaif · 15/06/2021 18:43

@Rozziie

Any man I know who is normal only ever stays on OLD for a few weeks and then is snapped up. I have a colleague who is normal and nice, and he met his now girlfriend within his first week on an app, and they're still together two years later.

This is why I don't buy men's stories about how hard it is on apps. It really isn't hard for anyone decent, IMO. Anyone who is on them for months or years on end without finding a relationship...it's because they either don't want one and are just looking for sex, or they have some major flaws.

That's offensive nonsense.
GymQ123 · 15/06/2021 19:02

I agree Rozziie

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 15/06/2021 20:26

So do I.

Rozziie · 15/06/2021 20:33

@TheWaif how is it nonsense? The quality of the women on apps is WAY higher than the quality of the men. It's a buyers' market for men in their thirties who are solvent, educated, etc. and looking for the same. I can't see any good reason to be on the apps for ages when all you need to be is reasonably polite and respectful.

TheWaif · 15/06/2021 20:38

Well because not being very attractive doesn't make you not 'decent' or 'normal' does it? I can think of at least five male friends who are solvent, kind, respectful etc but just aren't standardly attractive who aren't having any luck on the apps.

PoliceDogWoof · 15/06/2021 20:46

Same in Dublin. I did OLD in my 40s, now 51 so no way would i ever be brave enough now.

I remembering chatting to a man who was still older than i was, and he was venting about scammers and their sick mothers who needed operations and visas. He was very angry that "nobody" was genuine. 😕
Um, I was genuine. He didnt think I counted as an anybody though, i was only 5 years younger. Had my own job, life, house, sane solvent, no addictions, no convictions, not bad looking! Slim, healthy.... but he was not looking for women like me! I was just somebody to vent to. He wanted a 25 year old who genuinely wanted his 50 something self.

I only exchanged a few messages with him but his delusion and entitlement stuck in my head.

PoliceDogWoof · 15/06/2021 20:49

@Femme99

It’s a bit judgemental of you to suggest us women who are size 8-10 are not normal. A size 8-10 women is of a normal and healthy weight.
If a man has 32" waist he should definitely seek out a slim woman
PoliceDogWoof · 15/06/2021 20:52

@TheWaif you're right, any realistic man who is half way decent can find a partner on line.
If I read a man say how hard it is, I think he's set his preferences for 15 years younger

PoliceDogWoof · 15/06/2021 20:54

Oh it is @rozziie who made the post I agree with. Absolutely correct

Rozziie · 15/06/2021 21:36

@TheWaif are they looking for women of a similar level of attractiveness? Or are they messaging women who are far more attractive than they are and then wondering why there's no interest? I'm pretty sure it's the latter.

PoliceDogWoof · 15/06/2021 21:38

Yes, having done OLD the latter is the case. You have more chance meeting somebody in real life!

EarthSight · 15/06/2021 21:47

@DrSbaitso Feminine means dolled up I think. Lipstick, handbags, skirts, dresses, heels....

EarthSight · 15/06/2021 21:50

@Rachelheels You should be. A man who gets a sexual thrill out of putting his hands around a woman's neck is not someone who respects you. AT. ALL. Especially if they're the one who's into it, they are basically getting off of chocking the life out of you, out of a really dangerous power play. Proceed at your peril.

JustAnotherOldMan · 15/06/2021 23:18

[quote Rozziie]@TheWaif how is it nonsense? The quality of the women on apps is WAY higher than the quality of the men. It's a buyers' market for men in their thirties who are solvent, educated, etc. and looking for the same. I can't see any good reason to be on the apps for ages when all you need to be is reasonably polite and respectful.[/quote]
Oh Christ this is depressing, at 50+ I seemingly don’t have a cat in hells chance of meeting someone my own age range

TheWaif · 15/06/2021 23:56

That's just such rubbish. I know guys who literally swipe right on every woman and get nowhere.

You can't just message any women unless you've matched with them anyway. Unless you're using the bottom of the barrel sites, like Badoo & Plenty of Fish.