Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Men + unrealistic expectations OLD

229 replies

Kitchentop · 09/06/2021 09:06

The men I’ve dated from the online world seem to have very unrealistic expectations - young, skinny, ‘feminine’ women etc even though they’ve been absolutely nothing special themselves whatsoever. I guess it’s entitlement?
It seems to be worse in London where I am based. I am originally from outside of the big city and in my hometown men seem to be more realistic and very happy with normal women - not size 8-10 etc
Just wondering is this a London and online dating phenomena?

OP posts:
MorriseysGladioli · 11/06/2021 22:19

A friend of mine found the profile her partner had set up on a dating site.
He wanted the kind of woman who wore skirts, heels, was "unashamedly feminine" and was adventurous sexually.
A woman who knew how to please her man.

My friend couldn't believe this from a man who slobbed out of the sofa, farting all night.

She said it was all she could do to get him to go to the garden centre, let alone a sexually adventurous session.

DrSbaitso · 11/06/2021 22:41

@MorriseysGladioli

A friend of mine found the profile her partner had set up on a dating site. He wanted the kind of woman who wore skirts, heels, was "unashamedly feminine" and was adventurous sexually. A woman who knew how to please her man.

My friend couldn't believe this from a man who slobbed out of the sofa, farting all night.

She said it was all she could do to get him to go to the garden centre, let alone a sexually adventurous session.

There it is again, feminine. What does that mean in the context? And "unashamedly"? Why would anyone be ashamed of being feminine? What is he thinking of?

The bit about the garden centre set me right off.

Meruem · 12/06/2021 09:18

I first did OLD back in the early 2000s. It was different then. The chat was more “normal” and the men were less entitled I feel. I was then in a longish relationship (with someone I met in RL). Dipped in an out for a couple of years, around 4 years ago, and it was a complete nightmare.

As others have said, balding, pot bellied men expecting me to dress up like a Barbie doll. Asking me within the first few messages if I was shaved down below and did I do anal! I realised it wasn’t for me. I’d rather just stay single. And yes, dipping in and out I did come to recognise the same faces, in fact they’d often message me again. Maybe they thought my standards had lowered by that point!

I’m perfectly content to stay single. I’m not totally opposed to meeting someone but if I do it will not be online. It will be someone that I’ve already got to know in real life scenario and have some idea of what I’m getting in to.

zaema · 12/06/2021 09:37

“A friend of mine found the profile her partner had set up on a dating site.
He wanted the kind of woman who wore skirts, heels, was "unashamedly feminine" and was adventurous sexually.
A woman who knew how to please her man.

My friend couldn't believe this from a man who slobbed out of the sofa, farting all night.

She said it was all she could do to get him to go to the garden centre, let alone a sexually adventurous session.”

That’s so funny Grin

PawsQueen · 12/06/2021 09:45

@MorriseysGladioli I've had that
"I would throw you round the bedroom all night"
Give them the chance to and they're snoring away within 5 minutes. Excellent Grin

Original poster
Kitchentop · 12/06/2021 10:03

PawsQueen snoring and farting after 5 mins! 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitchentop · 12/06/2021 10:04

Meruem the online dating scene has completed changed, I agree - for the worse!

OP posts:
StarCourt · 12/06/2021 10:35

Yep loads of men put stuff like that on their profiles. Yet I still get loads of messages from men whose profiles on OLD say things like that and they can clearly see from my full length photos that I'm not fit and skinny

Original poster
Kitchentop · 12/06/2021 10:41

StarCourt and they’ll still meet you, and date you, and then start to criticise
It’s crazy 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
StarryNight13 · 12/06/2021 10:52

I don’t think many women even like anal. I don’t and if someone asked if I did, I’d reply no! Then proceed to ask them if they like dildos put up their arses Grin

StarCourt · 12/06/2021 10:56

@Kitchentop not always I've been stood up loads of times

StarCourt · 12/06/2021 10:57

@StarryNight13

I love anal but would still reply that way if I was asked the question on OLD

Original poster
Kitchentop · 12/06/2021 11:04

StarryNight13 what I don’t understand is why these men don’t stick to the sex oriented apps and websites for those kind of things.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitchentop · 12/06/2021 11:06

What’s surprised me lately is the number of men who say on their profiles that they are married or in a relationship and are looking for extras Confused at least these guys are being upfront about it. 5-10 years ago you wouldn’t have seen this on the main dating websites and apps.

OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 12/06/2021 11:07

9 out of 10 men I've talk to or met up through online dating like a curvy woman , especially one who is into threesomes and anal .
Honestly where the fuck are these men spawned.

motogogo · 12/06/2021 11:24

Not just a London thing. Lots of unrealistic men eg 55 year old overweight telling me (10 years younger) I'm too old to be his type. No big deal the first time but after 10th time of being told by a guy in his late 50's he still wants kids you think how unrealistic are they.

(Found a great guy though, took 6 months Grin)

Taikoo · 12/06/2021 11:26

My friend couldn't believe this from a man who slobbed out of the sofa, farting all night.
Grin

She said it was all she could do to get him to go to the garden centre, let alone a sexually adventurous session.

Grin Grin

This did make me giggle.

Original poster
Kitchentop · 12/06/2021 11:39

Good for you motogogo I’m glad you persevered! I can bet you all those gross guys are still online and messaging women too old for them 🙄 it’s always the same faces that keep popping up...

OP posts:
Meruem · 12/06/2021 17:17

God yes that’s so true, they really over estimate their own sexual prowess. I’d had a few dates with a guy. He came over for the evening and first fell asleep on the sofa. Then in the bedroom it was a quick fumble and he was snoring again! He did apologise for being so tired but he certainly did not anywhere near live up to expectations! And they were expectations he’d given me by going on about how he couldn’t wait to do this and that. It just fizzled out because I realised he was all talk, in every way.

My one attempt at FWB was a guy who I’d also had a few dates with but didn’t see a relationship working, but I did fancy him. He was a bit younger than me. He reckoned he was great in bed and I wouldn’t regret it! Well all he did was throw me around, intermittently pumping away like a pneumatic drill! It was awful and I refused to sleep with him again.

I’d genuinely rather have no sex than the experiences I’ve had with men like this.

RosaMoline · 12/06/2021 18:29

I’m 54, and men my age don’t want to date women their own age in my experience of OLD.
You can tell them a mile off…profile smacks of mid life crisis. A photo depicting sprawled over a Maserati or a Porsche (borrowed) posing with a drugged tiger, hang gliding, water skiing and so on….
I’ve pretty much given up. I’ve resigned myself to seeing out the rest of my days, miss Havisham style, with cats.

SarahDarah · 12/06/2021 18:38

@DrSbaitso

Have you by any chance been turned down by a bald midget?

Are you hitting on me?

🤣
StarCourt · 13/06/2021 10:41

@RosaMoline I think I'll be like that too. I've taken myself off all dating sites. Can't cope with depressingly awful men on there anymore

TheWaif · 13/06/2021 10:50

I'm in my early 40s, fairly attractive, size 8-10, wear makeup and have my hair done etc. I don't match with many attractive guys in their early 40s, presumably because they're looking for women in their 30s. I'm not attracted to older guys at all, so I don't bother looking.

Guys in their 20s and 30s though.. I match with at least 75% of the ones I swipe right on! I'm going younger all the way now.

Northernparent68 · 13/06/2021 12:13

@waterSpider

You do know how men and women rate each other on dating sites? Women think 80% of men are 'below average'. So it's not just men who are a bit selective about what they want ...
This.

Dating is brutal for everyone.

Meruem · 13/06/2021 12:47

Guys in their 20s and 30s though.. I match with at least 75% of the ones I swipe right on! I'm going younger all the way now

No disrespect to you at all, but a lot of younger men are looking for easy sex and so they go for older women, feeling they will be flattered into bed. I’m early 50s, a bit overweight, decidedly average in looks, yet I still get fit guys in their 20s messaging me! It’s a “thing” now I think.

Obviously if someone is just looking for sex with a young guy, they why not? If you’re going to have a fling it may as well be with someone young and attractive. That’s actually what makes me laugh with the 50+ men who try for casual sex. If that’s all I want then of course I’ll go for someone young and fit over middle aged and not very attractive!

I was looking for something a bit more substantial. Not necessarily marriage or living together. But I wanted to properly date someone. Be exclusive etc. I met one or two men who wanted that, but then they were at the other extreme of wanting to spend every moment together, being quite controlling etc. I don’t want that either.