Men + unrealistic expectations OLD

[Kitchentop]

The men I’ve dated from the online world seem to have very unrealistic expectations - young, skinny, ‘feminine’ women etc even though they’ve been absolutely nothing special themselves whatsoever. I guess it’s entitlement?
It seems to be worse in London where I am based. I am originally from outside of the big city and in my hometown men seem to be more realistic and very happy with normal women - not size 8-10 etc
Just wondering is this a London and online dating phenomena?

@Novelusername

Unfortunately there are a number of men who think of women as objects that have value only in terms of how they look. This is different to simply being attracted to good looking women, which is of course perfectly normal. It's more about their ego than anything, being able to 'bag' a good looking woman, rating them out of ten and comparing one with another based purely on looks. Porn amongst other things has led these men to think like this, where the attractiveness of the male involved is rarely a focus. I think OLD is absolutely toxic in terms of encouraging this mentality of seeing women as products in a supermarket to try out and compare, always looking for a better deal. And yes, these men often are not stunners themselves, they just have an entitled attitude. Back to the main point of your post, I've seen these profiles where there are a list of requirements given, and whilst it's fine to say you want someone sporty or slim, the entitled attitude of these men is completely offputting.

This this this

I am a size 10, sporty, feminine and (I think) reasonably attractive and I still have a horrendous time on dating apps. So many men act like some kind of prize I need to impress rather than just chatting a bit and seeing if we get on. It's so weird. They're so demanding as well...someone unmatched me because I was taking too long to reply! I don't want a real-time back and forth conversation...I'm busy! It's much more fun to send a message once a day or every couple of days than feel like you have to be glued to your phone. Chatting in real time is what meeting up is for, IMO.

I've always thought it's because these men are immature manchildren who have realised they can't fool an older woman with their 'youthful charms' (twattish immaturity), but think a much younger women will not have wised up yet. You have to ask why all these guys in their 50s are single in the first place. Reading the threads on the relationships board and you realise why!

I'm wondering why, if they feel so entitled to an uncommonly young and beautiful woman and don't care about very much else, they don't just employ sex workers and escorts?

@DrSbaitso

I'm wondering why, if they feel so entitled to an uncommonly young and beautiful woman and don't care about very much else, they don't just employ sex workers and escorts?

Is that a serious question?

In my experience, they want to believe that they are attractive to younger women as much as anything. You can't show-off a prostitute to your mates - they're hardly going to be impressed that they paid for it.

Besides, many of the men I know think it's sleazy.

Isthat a serious question?

Yes. I'm not saying I think it's a good thing, but if all they want is a beautiful woman to hang off them, well, that can be done without lowering themselves to the degradation of dating mere mortals and pissing everyone off in the process. In a funny way, at least they'd both be being honest about what's going on.

But yes, I guess it wouldn't soothe one's vanity in the right way, although I understand a lot of the workers are good at making their clients feel like it's their charms, wit and good looks that keep them around.

I did online dating for a while.

I had a horrific, messy break up 7 years ago and wanted to remain single, but I missed sex.

I made it quite clear what I was looking for in my bio, but men my own age just didn't think it mattered. They all said (before we met) that a FWB situation was exactly what they were looking for, none of them meant it. They all thought that they were so special that a FWB wouldn't be enough for me, I would eventually admit I wanted relationships with them and FWB was not enough. None of them lasted more than 2 months, they all turned into clingy, pathetic idiots :(

I inadvertently moved onto younger men after being flirted with by a young(er) waiter in a restaurant. I managed 3 long term FWB with men 10 years younger than me, there was never any pressure, never any self-doubt or manipulation. They were all honest, and true to what we agreed and when we went our separate ways, we did so really amicably with no drama and no upset.

@DrSbaitso

I'm wondering why, if they feel so entitled to an uncommonly young and beautiful woman and don't care about very much else, they don't just employ sex workers and escorts?

I imagine they are just the sort of men who are visiting prostitutes but that isn't reason enough to come off the apps.

To me, if a guy put descriptive words like ''slim/ sexy/ feminine/ adventurous/ career driven/ independent'' etc, then they were either married/attached or letcherous creeps who thought it was OK to select their 'dream' female, while they were fat/ bald/ fugly/older than described/dead end jobs etc etc

And if any guy only asked me for 'drinks' as a first date, they were binned immediately ! If they want to take me for a nice meal or a show etc, then at least they're taking 'dating' more 'seriously' in my book (the 'drinks' guys just want to suss you out i.e will you have sex with them, without having to spend more than a couple of quid for 1 drink)

I ended up always having at least 4 men I was 'talking' to online at any one time, so that I always had a 'date' for the weekend (but I always made the 'date' for a night my girl chums were out too, so if it was a bust, as most were, I'd say ''Nice to meet you, there's my bus Bye !')

I ended up meeting my now husband of 14 yrs, but I had to wade through a lot of 'frogs' to find him !

I’m a size 8-10, 5ft8 and a guy I met on tinder recently was disappointed because, in his words, he wanted someone so thin they’d snap.

I’m serious, he actually said that to me on a first date.

Men, they’re all yuk

@Rachelheels sounds like a potential serial killer, one to block!

In some cases men think they're 'owed' a particular woman like they want a flash car..usually the ones who are "looking for a good woman to heal me and prove not all women are bad" types yuk

@IHateMayonnaise

Listened to my friend ranting about her Tinder experiences the other day and what's shocking is the whole list of things in bed that men there seem to expect as the 'norm'!

This!

No way would I venture on to OLD. I think the whole scene has changed dramatically.

The amount of dick pics my friend was getting after a few text exchanges was awful

Do they not stop to think how saying these sorts of things makes them look?

@DrSbaitso many are single because they are not conscientious of others feelings and don't care.

@Rachelheels

I’m a size 8-10, 5ft8 and a guy I met on tinder recently was disappointed because, in his words, he wanted someone so thin they’d snap.

I’m serious, he actually said that to me on a first date.

Men, they’re all yuk

@Rachelheels So...anorexic fetish then??

I've just had a message on OLD from a bald, overweight-looking man who looked at least 10 years older than the stated age. The message said 'Hi babies'.

I think he meant 'babes'

I think old is a shitshow for women. I've not done it but loads of friends have.

If I were single again I think the old school work/ pub/ local hobbies etc etc thing is the route I'd take.

The behaviour of men on old seems to be awful.

I know that some have met lovely men I think that's very lucky!

I suppose the way out of League stuff is the same as real life when you're 18 and awful blokes chat you up often quite aggressively. It's the no harm in asking/ don't ask don't get approach that so many have.

I'm talking to someone who seems really nice. just nice.

And one who seems terrific but he has a Hobby. I wonder if perhaps his wife is on here.

@IHateMayonnaise

Listened to my friend ranting about her Tinder experiences the other day and what's shocking is the whole list of things in bed that men there seem to expect as the 'norm'!

expect such as what..

surely noone just lies back and thinks of England these days surely?

what is so unusual they are expecting ?

I think pp is referring to men’s expectations on sex based on porn. I had a few guys want to do ‘videosex’ or swap pictures before I’d even met them and anecdotally I know that lots of men expect anal sex or choking / strangling / bdsm.

@isitsummertimeyet

Having read some of you other posts on different threads and seeing youre a man I would ask if you personally think it’s reasonable for men to expect women to look like porn stars and behave like them with the whole focus on the mans pleaure even if it’s unpleasant or painful for her.?
The expectations mentioned above are very very common from many many men now with all the extreme porn available 24/7 at the click of their fingers
I’m not saying that you are at all like that but wondering if you think those type of expectations on women reasonable and if anything other than that is considered to be ‘ laying back and thinking of England ‘

Doesnt matter what size you are or if you tick all the slim, blonde, pretty boxes. Still a shitshow. The 6 pack guys will fuck and leave you, so you try the more normal guys thinking they won't behave like that..... and are proven wrong.

Sadly a lot of men seem to have this attitude and it makes no difference which part of the country they come from. And strangely the older and less attractive they are, the more fussy they seem to be! Sorting the wheat from the chaff and finding a man who values and appreciates who you really are, not just what you look like, is a marathon challenge. But once you've found him, and believe me you will in the end, you'll know all the hard work was worthwhile

On the other side of the coin, I have a male friend who tried OLD and found the women mean and unpleasant. He is a nice guy, but not tall. Not content with just passing him by, some women have listed his faults . He was not looking for anyone young or skinny. One date he made circled him in the pub car park (appointed meeting place) and drove off.

He did find someone - not size 8 and a year older than he is .

Actually quite a few people I know have found quite decent people through old. I think the trouble is that both sexes can be very “lookist” and some people think that it’s clever or even assertive and “I’m worth it” to be insulting and cruel.

I have heard that short men get a lot of abuse on OLD.