Men + unrealistic expectations OLD

[Kitchentop]

The men I’ve dated from the online world seem to have very unrealistic expectations - young, skinny, ‘feminine’ women etc even though they’ve been absolutely nothing special themselves whatsoever. I guess it’s entitlement?
It seems to be worse in London where I am based. I am originally from outside of the big city and in my hometown men seem to be more realistic and very happy with normal women - not size 8-10 etc
Just wondering is this a London and online dating phenomena?

No, its not a London thing, I live south of London and out of curiosity I chatted to a 50 something man who requested a 'woman with a waist', 'feminine and pretty.' He wasn't an oil painting himself. I decided to go for one date. He was a misogynist, his ex wife took him to the cleaners and only wanted 'hot' women. Yawn. He was quite a nasty piece of work so only stayed a short while and left. This was 5 years ago, when I came off OLD 2 years ago he was still on there requesting his 'woman with a waist' It obviously hasn't worked for him!

Omg 😱 🤮 glad you made it out litterbird

Many of these men ‘settle’ for women who aren’t 20 year old gym bunnies 🙄😂 most end up alone and unhappy

Whenever I go back on OLD, it’s the same sad faces

@Tlollj

But it must work. Otherwise they’d stop doing it. They must get enough replies, even if it doesn’t translate into something long term, to be worth their while.

Unless they don't actually want something long term.

OLD sounds like mostly a nightmare for all concerned. I’ve dated, and been attracted to women of various sizes/ages. There really does seem to an elusive X factor or chemistry that makes things work. So I’d say don’t lose hope, don’t feel you HAVE to be in a relationship, and adopt an abundance mindset i.e. don’t settle.

It’s a sad fact that a lot of the traits (and I think this goes for both men and women), that may attract people aren’t necessarily the same suite of traits that makes someone good in a committed relationship.

That said I suppose for anyone there is no harm in working on yourself and at least being fit/healthy. I agree being overweight yourself yet somehow expecting all your dating opportunities to be fit slim and young is extremely muddled thinking.

Unfortunately there are a number of men who think of women as objects that have value only in terms of how they look. This is different to simply being attracted to good looking women, which is of course perfectly normal. It's more about their ego than anything, being able to 'bag' a good looking woman, rating them out of ten and comparing one with another based purely on looks. Porn amongst other things has led these men to think like this, where the attractiveness of the male involved is rarely a focus. I think OLD is absolutely toxic in terms of encouraging this mentality of seeing women as products in a supermarket to try out and compare, always looking for a better deal. And yes, these men often are not stunners themselves, they just have an entitled attitude. Back to the main point of your post, I've seen these profiles where there are a list of requirements given, and whilst it's fine to say you want someone sporty or slim, the entitled attitude of these men is completely offputting.

@Tlollj

But it must work. Otherwise they’d stop doing it. They must get enough replies, even if it doesn’t translate into something long term, to be worth their while.

Not in my experience. I was dating a man who referred to himself as an incel while we were together!

He obviously wasn't celibate but what he meant was he was angry with the world/younger women for the fact he had to lower himself to date me because none of them would have him.

He's very bitter than younger women only want to date older men if they are wealthy, handsome, with full head of hair and 6ft+. Well dur. There's got to he some pay off for dating someone old enough to be your dad surely.

(I obviously dumped him).

It doesn't work. They just keep trying amd trying and call the women shallow when they get rejected.

Oh god I’ve run into incels from time to time as a bloke, and Christ are they exhausting.

@ILoveShula

I saw it.

Sizes have got bigger since the 60s. I'd guess that a 10 now would have been a 14 back then

Arf at the corpulent hippos comment. I am a size 10-12 and have a BMI of 19-20. I refuse to believe I would have been especially outsized in the 1960s.

@Legomania, How did you twist my words into something I didn't say?

I am the same height and weight as my mother was when she had me in the 1960s. She has never been less than a size 14.

I have some of her 1960s clothes. They're snug. I'm a size 8-10.

She has some old sewing patterns from that era, and the sizes are nowhere near the same as today's sizes.

We are comparing physiques of 1960s models - born in rationing years.

Twiggy is the archtype: 5 ft 6 in (1.68 m), weighed eight stone (51 kg; 110 lb) and had a 31–23–32 (79–58–81 cm) figure

Too easy to swipe the ones you don’t like maybe? I don’t know maybe they think it’s up to them to choose somehow? So they can list their requirements and sit back and think mmm don’t like that one. I mean I don’t know but they think they can be picky?

The men I’m talking about dated me and pretty much said they had settled because I wasn’t 21 etc Tlollj !

@Kitchentop

The men I’m talking about dated me and pretty much said they had settled because I wasn’t 21 etc Tlollj !

Ugh. What response do they expect to this?

I was on OLD for a few years in my early 40s and dated based on whether a man seemed genuine, friendly, interesting etc. Most first dates I didn't feel a connection, but I found it interesting that most men assumed that I would want a second date because I ticked their appearance and normality box. I'm short, but look younger and was a size 10, not a model type but girl next door so think I was assessed as 'would do' even short term. It was weird they all thought it was their decision and surprised when I said no.

Their unrealistic expectation is that they choose!

When I was younger and had single male friends and acquaintances in their early 40s, they had an invisible checklist.

I ticked the boxes.

Single
Two eyes
Two arms
Two legs
Half a brain
Not overweight
Had a vagina
Within child-bearing years.

You could almost hear them ticking the list.

@ILoveShula apologies I read too fast

That man who criticized you (the cheek of it) might be happier dating a young, lean skinny man. Seriously. I'm suspicious of men who want lean, toned, usually small skinny women. Either they're into teens (secretly) or they might just be happier with a guy. Estrogen does not = lean.

@Umberellatheweatha

I've tindered a fair bit and I think I've only ever seen one guy specify they wanted a size 8-10 on their profile. I've seen lots say they want girls with curves though.

Just be honest with your photos and they can swipe right or not. And if they start talking about how toned you aren't, point out their bald patch/squint nose/dodgy dress sense and tell them they probably aren't for you then block them. Wankers.

@umberellatheweatha 'Girls with curves ' is just a polite euphemism for 'I'm looking for a woman with massive tits' I think.

I am a dating and life coach as a side hustle and I can tell you the women I deal with that struggle the most are the ones in London. You’re not wrong in your thinking here

Interesting thanks for sharing parsnipsnotsprouts any tips for a single woman dating in London?

EarthSight I did suggest he may prefer younger men which he denied. Didn’t think he may prefer teens - would make sense as he was particularly into much younger women / girls

I found the opposite! I was almost flattered to be getting so much attention when I joined until I created an account and my photo didn’t upload and I was still getting asked to meet up! It seems 90% are willing to meet up and really don’t care what you look like. It put me off and I’ve not been on it since.

I have traditional ( prob unpopular on here)methods that weed out time wasters and miracle gro the good ones.
Tips- Don’t over invest time, travel or emotions in any of them.
Set up lots of first dates. Rotational date if they get past the first. Treat first dates like quick meet and greets. One hour tops then you have somewhere to be. Let them ask you out for a further date and then give them two to three hours for the next date. Treat them like new acquaintances instead of potential love interests. Men get the sense you’re busy and not easily won over and if they like you they’ll step up their game to get your attention.

toocold54 like most women I’m overwhelmed with messages too and swipe no to most
the few I’ve dated have turned out to be awful entitled and misogynistic twats

They’re desperate to meet and lock you down then tell you how you don’t meet their expectations 🙄

Thank you for this post! It's defo not a London thing! I am in Yorkshire & had a terrible time on line dating! I am a 12/14 & state this on my OLD profile but still has a guy telling me "he May Date me" but doesn't normally date over a size 12!!) How ridiculous when a size 12 looks different depending on how tall you are!!! Totally misogynistic & the cheek of it he was bald with a beer belly! I & my friends have also found men we wouldn't normally look twice at but we give them a chance but they are super picky about looks we get rejected even though we attractive feminine 40 somethings. It makes you wonder what the hell they see in the mirror!!