@Everydayisawindingroad @Sundayblues21 I suggested going away, he would always say that I was wasting money. When I finally said I wanted us to have a break apart, he firstly implied that we couldn't afford for me to do that.
When I first told him, there was two stages, first was denial and the usual trying to accuse me, make me feel bad (which I did), the second stage was trying to persuade me down a slightly less dramatic route. Like the few days apart route.
Looking back over the last 12 days, I'm so so pleased I doggedly stuck to my mantra of 6 months living separate. I said it so many times, like a robot, of course inside I was doubting myself. Like you I was fighting my natural instincts to just cave in and apologise. Each time it was really hard, but now he has accepted it, finally. It's been exhausting, but I do believe it is worth it, or it will be worth it in the future. Ha cross fingers!
No one, not me or my DH should live like that. He has some issues, I believed his issue was me, and I caused it.
So if you can try to believe that in the long run, you are the strong one, you will be helping him and the DCs, not to mention yourself. It may not feel like it now, but hopefully in the future we will all be able to look back and say, we did the right thing.
Yes, I absolutely feel at the moment like the 'bad' person. I think his family think that, the DCs think that and some of our friends think that. That's hard. But it's not a reason not to do it.
I couldn't stay with him, to save 'face'.
Yes, I've hurt the person, I adored and married 19 years ago. But he now sees why I've done it. I lived with him hurting me for too long.
I'm not punishing him, it's no longer a tit for tat argument. I've run out of love, it's been chipped away and there is nothing left.
Do not apologise, you are all wonderful people, do not apologise for being yourself. If you can find a quiet moment with your DH without it descending into an argument or him getting angry, then do try to talk with him, my friends.
In the midst of everything I forgot about the most important person, my youngest DC, although she's a teenager, I didn't keep her updated or in the loop. She kicked off, I guess she was thinking we were going to sell the house next week or something. I felt very bad I had not spoken to her much through the week. Trying to rectify that now.
There is another way to live, there is another way to be, we have to move forward, and to get there there will be pain. But staying as we are, is not a long term way to live for anyone.