Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH wanting to split, he wants me to leave the house

360 replies

SisterNight · 08/06/2021 11:09

DH wants us to split. We are joint tenants in a council property. DH works full time and I'm a SAHM. I had to leave my part time job 3 years ago on medical grounds due to my health. We have 3 dc. I have no family in the city we live in so would probably have to move back to my parents who live about an hour away. He works from home so is able to do all the school runs etc.

I have no savings or any income. I don't want to leave my children. I need some advice. Please help!

OP posts:
Zzelda · 08/06/2021 11:39

How exactly does he think he's going to look after the children if he's working full time?

Geanna2 · 08/06/2021 11:41

I'm assuming that as you are joint council tenants the first thing you did was go to the council and tell them he is trying to force you out? What advice did the housing officer give you about staying put?

viques · 08/06/2021 11:41

@Zoinksalot

From your post its difficult to see how you contribute to the running of the family everyday it seems it would be easier for you as a single person to leave if he does school runs etc and can work whilst they're at school... you need professional advice and to see what the easiest way is
What a weird post. Do you think the OP sits idly on the sofa and watches her DP all day as he works from home? Or do you think that running a home with three children in it can be achieved by closing your eyes and wishing very very hard?

Just how easy do you think it would be for a person without an income or savings to find rented accommodation?

Do you actually live in the real world?

Zzelda · 08/06/2021 11:41

@Zoinksalot

From your post its difficult to see how you contribute to the running of the family everyday it seems it would be easier for you as a single person to leave if he does school runs etc and can work whilst they're at school... you need professional advice and to see what the easiest way is
How on earth do you get that from OP's posts, @Zoinksalot? With three children including one who is autistic and a husband who works full time, who do you imagine is looking after the children, doing all the housework, shopping, laundry etc?
Branleuse · 08/06/2021 11:42

if youre a sahm then youre the primary carer and he needs to leave

Anydreamwilldo12 · 08/06/2021 11:45

@Zoinksalot

From your post its difficult to see how you contribute to the running of the family everyday it seems it would be easier for you as a single person to leave if he does school runs etc and can work whilst they're at school... you need professional advice and to see what the easiest way is
Jesus Christ, you're horrible. Why should she leave her children and home. How do you know what she contributes...are you the husband!
NameChange74567 · 08/06/2021 11:45

@SisterNight

He thinks I won't be able to stay because I have no income.
Op do not leave. You will have an income because you will be entitled to universal credit. The housing element of UC usually covers the full rent when you are in a council house. I would contact your housing officer and ask them for advice.
chocorabbit · 08/06/2021 11:47

WOW... The council certainly give priority to vulnerable (financially in this case) women with children. In this case you already have a property, stay there but an adult, alone would not have priority. You would be screwed if you left. HE should be the one to leave because he can afford it and you can't! Do not listen to him. Earning the money does not mean he can dictate what you do!

Soontobe60 · 08/06/2021 11:47

@SisterNight

His argument is that he earns the money so he should keep our house. Dc are 6, 11 and 12. I don't want things to get nasty. My 11 year old has ASD and is extremely sensitive to things.
He’s the one being nasty. Stand firm, don’t be browbeaten into leaving home.
Celandines · 08/06/2021 11:47

Surely the point of council housing is to help people on a low income. Why does he think the person with a job has more right to it? The person with a job is in a better position to private rent. You as a main carer with health issues affecting your ability to work seem to be the one in need of a council home not him.

Cherrycee · 08/06/2021 11:49

Do not leave under any circumstances OP, he has a bloody cheek.

He wants to split, he can leave. He has a job, so he can afford to rent.

Does he expect you to move out on your own and leave the kids with him? So effectively giving him custody? Or is he trying to make you and the kids homeless?

He is being a massive prick and I'm sure he knows he's unreasonable, but is chancing his arm and hoping he can walk all over you.

Get in touch with the housing officer now and explain the situation.

So sorry you're going through this.

KeepingTrack · 08/06/2021 11:49

1- get legal advice ASAP
2- do NOT leave the house
3- he wants to keep the council house because he knows very well they are very hard to get. He doesn’t care if this means you will end up destitute.

Cherrycee · 08/06/2021 11:51

@Zoinksalot

From your post its difficult to see how you contribute to the running of the family everyday it seems it would be easier for you as a single person to leave if he does school runs etc and can work whilst they're at school... you need professional advice and to see what the easiest way is
This comment is absolutely nuts. Ignore it OP.
Original poster
SisterNight · 08/06/2021 11:51

I have a long term illness which means I can't work. I have good days and bad days. He's trying to say I can't look after the kids properly because he sometimes has to take them to school if I'm not well.

OP posts:
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 08/06/2021 11:53

You need to apply for an occupation order. The court will then decide who gets to keep the house. In the meantime do not move out, and apply for universal credit as a sole parent.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 08/06/2021 11:53

@Geanna2

I'm assuming that as you are joint council tenants the first thing you did was go to the council and tell them he is trying to force you out? What advice did the housing officer give you about staying put?
The council won't get involved with this. They will tell her to get legal advice.
DiagnoseMe123 · 08/06/2021 11:59

Do not leave the house.

You are entitled to benefits and as he works, you have no reason not to have majority custody of the children.

Citizens advice bureau 100%. He is wrong

AdaColeman · 08/06/2021 12:00

He is already being nasty. Do not let him bully you.

Stand up for yourself and your children.

Do not leave the house. Tell him to get somewhere to rent.

You and the children will be entitled to benefits to enable you to stay in your home. So don't abandon your children on this man's say so.

What he is telling you is false, you need to seek help from the Housing
Officer.

Clockingon · 08/06/2021 12:02

I'm retired on ill health grounds (and a single parent). First of all get legal advice. Also have you a pension (if so have you claimed it on ill health grounds)? If you are too ill to work can you claim esa and have you claimed pip?
You could look at benifit calculations for what you could be entitled to.
Can you talk to the council regarding what they can do in these situations?
Also depending on your illness could you get adaptions around the house to help? Speak to otor physiotherapy for this.

Zeev · 08/06/2021 12:03

@SisterNight

I have a long term illness which means I can't work. I have good days and bad days. He's trying to say I can't look after the kids properly because he sometimes has to take them to school if I'm not well.
Well that's BS and he's trying to bully you. Do not leave the house and do not leave the children.
GoldenBlue · 08/06/2021 12:05

@Zoinksalot are you the husband?

itsmellslikepopcarn · 08/06/2021 12:06

Do not leave the house, as joint tenants he cannot make you do anything.

Sort out the benefits you are entitled to as a single parent, pip if you are entitled to it. Get a residential order for the children, if you are on benefits it should not cost you to do this. Ring the council and ask for their advice. He is absolutely wrong that you cannot be the residential and main carer for your children, do not let him convince you otherwise.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 08/06/2021 12:08

@itsmellslikepopcarn

Do not leave the house, as joint tenants he cannot make you do anything.

Sort out the benefits you are entitled to as a single parent, pip if you are entitled to it. Get a residential order for the children, if you are on benefits it should not cost you to do this. Ring the council and ask for their advice. He is absolutely wrong that you cannot be the residential and main carer for your children, do not let him convince you otherwise.

There is no such thing as a residential order. The house is the issue at the moment, she needs an occupation order.
Sunnyjac · 08/06/2021 12:08

STAY PUT!

Applesonthelawn · 08/06/2021 12:08

Under no circumstances should you leave either the children or the home. You are the main carer. Get professional advice. Stay strong.