DH wanting to split, he wants me to leave the house

[SisterNight]

DH wants us to split. We are joint tenants in a council property. DH works full time and I'm a SAHM. I had to leave my part time job 3 years ago on medical grounds due to my health. We have 3 dc. I have no family in the city we live in so would probably have to move back to my parents who live about an hour away. He works from home so is able to do all the school runs etc.

I have no savings or any income. I don't want to leave my children. I need some advice. Please help!

Enjoy the peace and ignore the fact that he is ignoring you!
I mean completely ignore it, don't ask him if he's ok, don't ask him what's wrong, act as if everything is perfectly as You like it

Let him ignore you. Just start the process of getting your ducks in a row so you can get away from him. He's sulking because he knows he has massively fucked up his own plans.

@colouringaddict Have you read the whole thread? In the OP's situation any kind of counselling would be really bad advice. I haven't been in that situation, but I've read enough threads on here to know you never go to counselling with an abusive partner. And the OP's partner clearly is.

OP grab the initiative here. So many wise posters have given you advice. You need to get out. Just because he doesn't hit you doesn't mean it's OK. He clearly doesn't value you. At all. Value yourself. Get your bank account back into your control, get your GP on your side next week, get all benefits you are entitled to (including Child Benefit) paid to you, and keep all evidence you have that he's trying to screw you over.

Whatever you do, don't give in or think he's going to change. He won't (sorry)

I think you need to start with child benefit. There must be something on the government website about how to change it over. He should never have had it in the first place. Eleanor rathbone fought a long battle in Parliament to have it paid to mothers. And yes, then get your phone under your control and your bank account sorted out.

The CB needs to be in your name to protect your pension contributions so that is justifiable.

Then switch it to your bank account and use it to pay your own phone bill. Do you claim PIP??

Sort out changing passwords etc to your bank account so he can't access it anymore. Speak to woman's aid.

Do not leave this house under any circumstances. If you leave then the council will assess you as being intentionally homeless and will not help you. Get proper advice from your council. Make sure that any advice they give you is in writing so you always have proof.

I think you should start getting your ducks in a row OP. Hes clearly got one foot out the door.
Change what needs to be changed into your name. it doesnt matter if he notices. If he wants to discuss it, tell him that its clear hes unsettled and you think its better if you start to untangle the finances and work out what needs to be going to you and what is his, and work on being less dependent, as his recent outburst made you realise that youre a bit vulnerable here and hes not someone you can actually count on when the shit hits the fan.

You dont have to just take his shit. If he moves out, youd be able to claim enough benefits to keep the house and kids just fine. If you can get disablity payments too, even better.

Hope you're doing ok OP?

Have you contacted Women's Aid for advice.

Do not trust him.

You need advice.

Under ANY circumstances do NOT leave the house.

Sorry you're going through this OP but I do think you're right and you should use this as a wake up call to start taking control of your life and finances so you are ready for when/if you do split. Terrible atmosphere to have to live in though