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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

This is monumentally shit, right?

260 replies

yukitree · 06/06/2021 23:00

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months, things have been going really well and it's at the stage where things are starting to get a bit more serious. We had plans for this evening for us to get a take out at his. He went to the pub with his friends this afternoon, then I text him when I was leaving and he invited me to the pub too. This is probably a bit naive on my part, but I expected to stay for a drink and then do the original plan of going back to his. When I showed up he was drunk, and I sat there for an hour and a half feeling awkward with 4 blokes I hadn't met before. During which he was jokingly asking things like 'who would you bang out of my friends'. To be honest I felt really uncomfortable the whole time, and maybe I should've preempted it, but had I known I'd be sitting there for over an hour with men I didn't know (whilst really hungry as I hadn't had any dinner!) I wouldn't have bothered. I could've forgiven the sitting in the pub awkwardly for an hour and a half but then to make matters worse, he decides to drive home, he'd had at least 6 pints so he was well over the limit.

Up to this point I had really liked him, there were no red flags and things were going great. I feel really upset (maybe I'm being sensitive), but this is monumentally shit isn't it and I shouldn't see him again. Oh and to add - we are both in our late 30s with children.

OP posts:
tentosix · 07/06/2021 09:43

Someone so immature as to drink drive and make horrendous comments to you needs binning. You've seen him at his worst, and for me that would be the end.

tentosix · 07/06/2021 09:46

And if he's behaving like this at his age there is no hope.

OliviaWainright · 07/06/2021 09:51

The pub / friends / comments would raise a red flag - I would let him know that this wasn't acceptable, but probably give him a chance to apologise.

Drinking and driving? Nope nope nope. That is a red card, not just a flag. That is immediate dumping and no chance for apology.

SparklingStars10 · 07/06/2021 09:54

I think I’m more shocked you got into a car with him when he was drunk, if he crashed he could of killed you, or an innocent child/family. Anyone who does this is vile and the fact he was drunk and asking such odd questions would be a message to him and block from me.

MrsBongiovi · 07/06/2021 09:57

SparklingStars10

She didn’t get in the car with him.

Gothichouse40 · 07/06/2021 09:57

Sorry who would you bang out of his friends? Disgusting and a total lack of respect for you. Drink driving! Is this someone you really want your children to be exposed to? My advice run for the hills, taking your children with you. Now you know why hes divorced/separated. You and your children don't need this in your life. What if he does this with you and the children in the car?

fakeplantsdontlookreal · 07/06/2021 09:58

I am glad that you did not get into the car with him OP.

I think he needs a short sharp message along the lines that you don't go out with drink drivers, and his immature behaviour yesterday shows why none of his relationships last. Then block him and move on

Richter235 · 07/06/2021 09:58

Deeply troubling. Move on

SparklingStars10 · 07/06/2021 09:59

@MrsBongiovi - It wasn’t clear from original post but can see she didn’t.
Still, my post stands.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 07/06/2021 09:59

I would tell him you don't associate with arsehole drunk drivers and you hope he doesn't kill anyone in the future. What a twat!

BoringOldBitch · 07/06/2021 10:00

Both the "who would you bang" comment and the drink driving are reasons to run a mile (and keep on going).

The police really should have been called. He could have killed someone.

Wrotten · 07/06/2021 10:02

Did you go home or drive back to his?

I just wouldn't respond, honestly. He sounds disgusting. I cannot abide drink driving.

Taikoo · 07/06/2021 10:06

Bin.
Total TOTAL loser.

mam0918 · 07/06/2021 10:09

As someone who was nearly killed by a drunk driver before I would have immediately phoned the police the second he pulled away.

I could forgive him being a drunken twat for an hour as long as he wasnt aggressive/violent (although it would annoy me at the time, drunks are boring) but there is NEVER an excuse to risk the lives of innocent people.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 07/06/2021 10:12

@Bananahana

The pub thing - he was drunk, it’s forgiveable.

The drunk driving issue - that’s the real issue, the real red flag. No way should be have driven, or been allowed to drive. I’d have called the police.

This is the issue you raise with him today.

Asking which friend you'd bang in front of a group of said friends in a pub before / during an early date (or any date) is forgivable? I don't think it would be for most people. I hope not anyway.
mam0918 · 07/06/2021 10:15

MadameQuaver - drink driving is a MAJOR offense, a car is classified a deadly weapon (one of the most dangerous weapons you can have in this country) and if he hits someone it can easily be a manslaughter charge... why on earth do you think they wouldnt take it seriously?

Umberellatheweatha · 07/06/2021 10:26

If someone tells you they were dumped for going out with the boys a lot, chances are they are either an alcoholic or a cheat. Either that or they are setting you up to be the next 'nagging' gf that doesn't allow them any 'freedom'.

Honestly op I wouldn't even bother telling him why he is dumped. Just block him. He could have killed someone last night and no doubt this is not the first or the last time. Plus he is a massive asshole into the bargain.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 07/06/2021 10:29

@MadameQuaver

The vast majority of forces will respond immediately to a call re a drink driver actually in control (for want of a better term) of a vehicle as it presents a clear and present danger to the public. They would obviously respond less quickly to a call regarding someone who is reported to have driven drunk the previous day / week etc, but if OP had rung to say someone had just drunk six pints, was clearly intoxicated and had just got in his car and driven off, officers would have been dispatched. Hopefully she did so but it doesn't sound like it:

Livpool · 07/06/2021 10:30

Drink driving - I would have called the police.

I wouldn't be seeing him again

FeatheredHope · 07/06/2021 10:32

It wasn’t clear from original post but can see she didn’t
That’s why it’s helpful to read the entire thread or at least all of the OP’s posts.

Calmdown14 · 07/06/2021 10:49

Of course the OP should have called the police. I'm sure she probably thinks that now she's seen how this unfolded but it is easy to see how unexpectedly this probably played out.
I wouldn't have believed he'd be daft enough to drive and without knowing quite who was where when all this happened there's every chance she didn't get his reg or even make or model. Who knows the car reg of their boyfriend of a couple of months?
I'm not sure she needs telling to dump him, the thread title alone is pretty clear.
Glad you had a lucky escape and he showed you who he really is so you don't waste any more time

SparklingStars10 · 07/06/2021 10:55

@FeatheredHope - Oh be quiet, we’re allowed to make mistakes no?

Sandra15 · 07/06/2021 10:56

@Ifimight

You seriously let him drive you home? Where are your boundaries!?!!?!
No she didn't, if you read the original post again.
Sandra15 · 07/06/2021 10:57

@SparklingStars10

I think I’m more shocked you got into a car with him when he was drunk, if he crashed he could of killed you, or an innocent child/family. Anyone who does this is vile and the fact he was drunk and asking such odd questions would be a message to him and block from me.
She did not get in the car with him. It makes it clear in the thread.
HaveringWavering · 07/06/2021 10:57

Calling the police, I can see that with hindsight she should have done that. However please stop trying to shame her for “letting” him drive- he is a grown man, his male friend was unable to do so and she was not going to have been able to physically wrestle his keys from him or block the car’s movement without putting herself in danger.