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This is monumentally shit, right?

260 replies

yukitree · 06/06/2021 23:00

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months, things have been going really well and it's at the stage where things are starting to get a bit more serious. We had plans for this evening for us to get a take out at his. He went to the pub with his friends this afternoon, then I text him when I was leaving and he invited me to the pub too. This is probably a bit naive on my part, but I expected to stay for a drink and then do the original plan of going back to his. When I showed up he was drunk, and I sat there for an hour and a half feeling awkward with 4 blokes I hadn't met before. During which he was jokingly asking things like 'who would you bang out of my friends'. To be honest I felt really uncomfortable the whole time, and maybe I should've preempted it, but had I known I'd be sitting there for over an hour with men I didn't know (whilst really hungry as I hadn't had any dinner!) I wouldn't have bothered. I could've forgiven the sitting in the pub awkwardly for an hour and a half but then to make matters worse, he decides to drive home, he'd had at least 6 pints so he was well over the limit.

Up to this point I had really liked him, there were no red flags and things were going great. I feel really upset (maybe I'm being sensitive), but this is monumentally shit isn't it and I shouldn't see him again. Oh and to add - we are both in our late 30s with children.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 07/06/2021 08:52

@MadameQuaver

All those that are saying to call the police, do you honestly think the police would do anything? They probably wouldn't do anything even if the drunk driving was reported at the very time he did it let alone hours after the event, sadly.
Depends where you live. They would definitely turn up around here.
HollowTalk · 07/06/2021 08:55

I can't understand why you stayed in the pub after he asked you which of his friends you'd have sex with. You didn't know those men and for him to talk like that is so disrespectful I would've got up and gone then.

As for the drink-driving I would've reported it to the police at the time because if he had crashed and killed someone I couldn't live with that on my conscience.

Cleverpolly3 · 07/06/2021 08:56

@ihtwsf
“You seem to be focussing more on this than the drink driving.
He drink drives. He gets binned immediately.”

I agree with this
Sorry but why are you wittering in about all the other stuff regarding which of his mates you would have shagged, his stupid juvenile antics etc . it’s just white noise.

He could have killed someone last night

I personally find your failure to report and take any action almost as reprehensible as

a man getting in the car after six pints and driving off to be honest

The lesson I would be learning from this episode is not to let a drunk man get in a car and drive. Ever again.

Confusedandshaken · 07/06/2021 09:16

This is horrific. Tell him you have lost all respect for him for the sex talk and drink driving and will not be seeing him again. Then block.

I also think you should have reported him to the police.

FrumpyBetty · 07/06/2021 09:16

What a tosser.

Least you found out early on.

(and yes, I would have called the police).

MintyMabel · 07/06/2021 09:18

On the one hand, it could be a good sign that he wants you to meet his friends

Given how drunk he was, I doubt that was his motivation.

Good thing you found out so early on. Onwards and upwards.

GettingItOutThere · 07/06/2021 09:19

oh god bin and move on!

what a horrible man, and a waste of space!

MintyMabel · 07/06/2021 09:19

All those that are saying to call the police, do you honestly think the police would do anything?

They would round our way. They take this very seriously.

SofiaMichelle · 07/06/2021 09:21

WTF!? He sounds absolutely vile.

Surely you don't need us to point out what a nasty, abusive piece of shit this man is?

Each thing you've described is enough on its own to never see him again.

Failed relationships due to his drinking.
Drinking to point of losing control.
Abusive to friends.
Abusive to you(!)
Drink driving.

What an utter twat.

bridgetreilly · 07/06/2021 09:23

Drunk driving is an absolute deal breaker.

Walk away now.

CauliflowerBalti · 07/06/2021 09:24

He's shown you who he really is. When alcohol let his guard down - you saw his worst self. It's a good thing really because now you can decide if you can live with the worst he's got to offer. We've all got dickish streaks, after all.

Personally he lost me at 'which of my mates would you bang?'. But everyone has different tolerances.

RealhousewifeofStoke · 07/06/2021 09:24

But you called the police to report a drunk driver yes?

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 07/06/2021 09:24

I would respond with

Hi. Thanks for the text.
I won't be seeing you again so am calling it quits.
You made an absolute twat out of yourself swore at your friends made vulgar shitty comments and put me in a really awkward position last night,not to mention you ditched our meal plans for getting pissed.

The worst part is drink driving. To do that you have no morals whatsoever and I hope your bloody ashamed of yourself.

Not the sort of role model/male I want to introduce to my children eventually so seeing as it's not going to go anywhere with us im bowing out now.

Sort your shit out

MrsBongiovi · 07/06/2021 09:24

They would round our way. They take this very seriously.

Same here. I’ve reported 2 people before, both lost their license.

IntermittentParps · 07/06/2021 09:25

It was all a power play IMO.
It is interesting that his friends were embarrassed and uncomfortable by his behaviour and didn't laugh or encourage him.
What I mean, I think, is that it's not even 'just' a bloke getting drunk and feeling confident with his mates around him all egging each other on. His behaviour clearly alienates even his friends.
Ditch.

Ifimight · 07/06/2021 09:26

You seriously let him drive you home? Where are your boundaries!?!!?!

nolovelost · 07/06/2021 09:26

He's a dick and it's all coming to the surface now after 2 months. He likes to drink regularly and act like a dick. This will become worse the more serious you get. You're doing the right thing. Who drives on 6 pints?! it just goes to show how wreckless and thoughtess he can be. His mates know exactly what he's like, and he's got ex's who were sick of it.

Bin him and block. Just say that you can't be with someone so childish and wreckless whilst consuming alcohol. (He probably would show more issues longer down the line anyway regrdless of alcohol, he seems the type!).

Nonmaquillee · 07/06/2021 09:27

I would have walked out after the crass comments, tbh. And reported him for DD. And never ever seen him again.

FrumpyBetty · 07/06/2021 09:27

@Ifimight

Read the thread.

Auntienumber8 · 07/06/2021 09:29

I wouldn’t have found out he drove while drunk because the who would you bang question would have had me leaving immediately.

The drink driving is an absolute no though, the man is actual scum.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/06/2021 09:34

Not sure what to respond, but want to make a point that he's being dumped because of the drunk driving

It's not difficult!

"You're dumped. You acted like an arsehole then drove home drunk.Goodbye."

Sometimesfraught82 · 07/06/2021 09:37

Priories all skewed OP

Forget him, needless to say

But you MUST report him

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 07/06/2021 09:37

Dump and be 100% honest why. I’d be very very clear!

Sometimesfraught82 · 07/06/2021 09:37

Priorities

KurtWilde · 07/06/2021 09:41

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Not sure what to respond, but want to make a point that he's being dumped because of the drunk driving

It's not difficult!

"You're dumped. You acted like an arsehole then drove home drunk.Goodbye."

This.