Husband said he will divorce me if I get Botox

[0zzyfan]

....... and I got it on Thursday .....

I have wanted it for some time, and love it!
The effects haven’t fully started yet, but I mentioned a friend (who was with me) had it and he hit the roof!

Said point blank - if I fucked with my face he would leave me over it. No questions asked.

The only question I have is - should I pack his bags for him and tell him? Or just ignore him and continue making myself happy?!

Veterinari

You asked what problem you are complicit in. I told you.

I haven’t been rude. I haven’t made personal digs against you. I answered your question politely.

Also, I don’t have a twelve year old daughter. We are all responsible for creating a society in which women don’t feel it increasingly necessary to have painful procedures and not show signs of ageing.

Jesus Christ, a bit of Botox doesn't make you a bad person, I can't understand why anyone would say such a thing. No one really notices, it really just makes you look a bit fresher. DH didn't even notice until I told him.

I'd think about leaving someone if they did something which seriously made me question their morals but a bit of Botox is like having your teeth whitened these days.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Veterinari

You asked what problem you are complicit in. I told you.

I haven’t been rude. I haven’t made personal digs against you. I answered your question politely.

I didn't ask you. You simply felt compelled to try and 'educate' me make your problem my problem. It isn't. And patronising me doesn't make it so.

If you "have an insane amount of pressure to not show signs of ageing and to look a way in which society deems attractive and acceptable." Then I'm sorry for you. But don't look to me to take responsibility for your problems.

I'm perfectly content for you to live your life however you wish
I'd thank you to extend me the same courtesy.

@MintyMabel

Why? It's weird to think you have the right to control another person's body

But you do have a right to know what you find attractive. And to be concerned of someone is risking their health for vanity.

I would probably leave my husband if he wanted to do any of that.

You'd leave your life partner if they wanted Botox? Wow that's pretty shallow

Veterinari

You absolutely did ask. I even included your question in my previous reply.

[quote 0zzyfan]@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

I am feeling this! I’d rather not keep a secret - as that IS something that I am against

Botox however ....?! It’s my face! ....

Right?!![/quote]
My ex said the same about a tattoo. Note he is an ex.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Also, I don’t have a twelve year old daughter. We are all responsible for creating a society in which women don’t feel it increasingly necessary to have painful procedures and not show signs of ageing.

Oh so you're creating a hypothetical child and imagining a fictional scenario to try and guilt a stranger on the internet into making different choices about my own body.

And you think that's normal ?
It strikes me as overly invested and a bit weird.

I think when you're at the point where you have to create fictional impacts on fictional children in order to try and control the behaviour of strangers on the internet you should probably re-evaluate your own choices.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Veterinari

You absolutely did ask. I even included your question in my previous reply.

Try actually reading the posts you quote then. I didn't say I didn't ask.

I said I didn't ask you

You quoted my question to a different poster and decided to interject and answer a question not directed to you so that you could create non-existent children to support your perception of a problem that I don't have, in an effort to control my behaviour.

It's weird.

This is an open forum. You don’t get to dictate who answers your questions.

I didn’t claim to have a twelve year old. I said I make decisions based on if A teenager was watching me because
A) one day my daughter will be twelve and asking me questions about this kind of thing
B) I think that’s a good cut off age for me to have a good idea about what I consider to be invasive

We are all responsible for the pressures of society.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

This is an open forum. You don’t get to dictate who answers your questions.

I didn’t claim to have a twelve year old. I said I make decisions based on if A teenager was watching me because
A) one day my daughter will be twelve and asking me questions about this kind of thing
B) I think that’s a good cut off age for me to have a good idea about what I consider to be invasive

We are all responsible for the pressures of society.

I'm not dictating who answers my question. I simply pointed out that my question was not directed to you or to the thread in general.

The fact that you felt the need to wade in on a specific response directed to a different poster in order to try and control my behaviour is weird.

The fact that you seem to expect me to behave as you do based on your perception of a problem that I don't recognise, is weird.

I prefer to let consenting and informed adults make their own choices about their own bodies rather than try and dictate or control them

I suggest you teach your hypothetical children the value of self worth and bodily autonomy rather than fight a futile battle dictating what others do.

Show him this...

As long as you're not planning to transform yourself into a human Bratz doll (you know the look) I don't see the problem.

You can tell when someone's had botox.
Fake tan is tacky.
Lip fillers look ridiculous.

I agree. And I will add something to that list:
Tattoos are chavvy.

Oh Veterinari, give over.

I responded to you because, originally, you had responded to my post and the question was a follow on from that. Even if I was brand new to the thread, it would be perfectly normal to interject because that’s the whole point of the forum!

I haven’t dictated or told you not to do anything. I have simply pointed out that this is an issue beyond ourselves and we must acknowledge this. Beyond that, I’ve said nothing to you about what you should or shouldn’t do.

I absolutely will teach my children about bodily autonomy and self worth. Thank you for the parenting tip.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Oh Veterinari, give over.

I responded to you because, originally, you had responded to my post and the question was a follow on from that. Even if I was brand new to the thread, it would be perfectly normal to interject because that’s the whole point of the forum!

I haven’t dictated or told you not to do anything. I have simply pointed out that this is an issue beyond ourselves and we must acknowledge this. Beyond that, I’ve said nothing to you about what you should or shouldn’t do.

I absolutely will teach my children about bodily autonomy and self worth. Thank you for the parenting tip.

Or should I say, originally you “waded in” on my post?

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Oh Veterinari, give over.

I responded to you because, originally, you had responded to my post and the question was a follow on from that. Even if I was brand new to the thread, it would be perfectly normal to interject because that’s the whole point of the forum!

I haven’t dictated or told you not to do anything. I have simply pointed out that this is an issue beyond ourselves and we must acknowledge this. Beyond that, I’ve said nothing to you about what you should or shouldn’t do.

I absolutely will teach my children about bodily autonomy and self worth. Thank you for the parenting tip.

No actually I asked you a question. You ignored it and instead chose to answer my question to a different poster.

And no you haven't been honest enough to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. But you have told me my behaviour is contributing to 'problem' around how women age and insinuated that if I was a responsible member of society I'd change my behaviour in accordance with your standards rather than risk your hypothetical child's self image

So just basic passive aggressive snide insinuation and judgement.

Seems your societal concern doesn't extend simply to being nice and respecting the rights of others to make different choices to you

It's fine for you not to like the blonde, tanned look but that doesn't mean you have the right to call people cheap and tacky.
It makes you as bad as the man who refused to believe I had a PhD because I dye my hair blonde, wear make up and enjoy getting dressed up

@DelBocaVista Mmm noooo it doesn't. I said the combo was tacky, not the person of the individual things. Fake tan can look ok. Dyed blonde hair often looks great or fine - but the combination, especially if the fake tan is quite obvious, doesn't look great.

I don't ascribe intelligence to the way people look. Intelligence doesn't have 'a look' at all. So no, I'm not like the man who refused to believe you have a PhD. Nice bit of projecting going on there, but I'm not him.

@AgeLikeWine LOL XD Now you're trollin' there My response to tattoos is neutral, but I think you might upset a few women on here by that comment.

@EarthSight

*It's fine for you not to like the blonde, tanned look but that doesn't mean you have the right to call people cheap and tacky. It makes you as bad as the man who refused to believe I had a PhD because I dye my hair blonde, wear make up and enjoy getting dressed up*

@DelBocaVista Mmm noooo it doesn't. I said the combo was tacky, not the person of the individual things. Fake tan can look ok. Dyed blonde hair often looks great or fine - but the combination, especially if the fake tan is quite obvious, doesn't look great.

I don't ascribe intelligence to the way people look. Intelligence doesn't have 'a look' at all. So no, I'm not like the man who refused to believe you have a PhD. Nice bit of projecting going on there, but I'm not him.

Sorry but I disagree.

Calling people cheap and tacky based on their appearance is every bit as bad. You might not have mentioned intelligence but you are still making judgements based on appearance and it's a pretty shitty thing to do.

Veterinari
I did answer your question.

I’m not the one making snide insinuations.

I respect your choice to make your own decisions, which I have been consistent about. I just think it is important to look beyond ourselves and see how our actions impact others, that’s all 😊

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Veterinari I did answer your question.

I’m not the one making snide insinuations.

I respect your choice to make your own decisions, which I have been consistent about. I just think it is important to look beyond ourselves and see how our actions impact others, that’s all 😊

Which leads me back to my question - how exactly does my personal choices about my body affect you or society?

And it would be lovely if you could provide some actual evidence to support your 'concern' rather than an imaginary child, assumption and personal bias.

Again, the combination that tends to look cheap & tacky @DelBocaVista, not the person themselves or even the individual components. I'm not sure how many times I'm going to have to repeat that but I think you're emotionally invested at this point in taking offence and making me out to be a bad person.

@EarthSight

Again, the combination that tends to look cheap & tacky *@DelBocaVista*, not the person themselves or even the individual components. I'm not sure how many times I'm going to have to repeat that but I think you're emotionally invested at this point in taking offence and making me out to be a bad person.

You sound like a very judgemental person.

It sounds like you are just trying to justify your earlier comment because people have (rightly) called you out on it.

There is a huge difference between saying I personally don't like the blonde hair, fake tan look and the blonde hair, fake tan combination looks cheap and tacky.
Surely you can understand that?

I've not had anything done, and don't think there's anything wrong with it... got tempted in recent times (I'm 40) but scared of the fixed face look that some celebs have. A colleague had Botox and before I knew I just thought that she was looking great (she did). I think she must've had it quite subtly done. When she told me, it made me want it a bit. My partner doesn't like the thought either, but doesn't try to control what I do. I probably wouldn't tell him. We don't share finances at the mo.

It's your fucking face not his!

Anyway, Botox doesn't fuck with ones face. I get a tiny bit done twice a year and not one person has ever noticed. It merely prevents wrinkles forming if done well. Don't tell him. I bet he doesn't notice.