Husband said he will divorce me if I get Botox

[0zzyfan]

....... and I got it on Thursday .....

I have wanted it for some time, and love it!
The effects haven’t fully started yet, but I mentioned a friend (who was with me) had it and he hit the roof!

Said point blank - if I fucked with my face he would leave me over it. No questions asked.

The only question I have is - should I pack his bags for him and tell him? Or just ignore him and continue making myself happy?!

My husband would be completely honest and he constantly tells me how sexy I look 🤷🏼‍♀️

Maybe he likes the cheap and tacky look? Lots of men do!

And to pp who say I don't notice the 20 or so women I meet with fillers/Botox every week.

Yes, yes I do notice.

@Yesyoucantell

My husband would be completely honest and he constantly tells me how sexy I look 🤷🏼‍♀️

Maybe he likes the cheap and tacky look? Lots of men do!

And to pp who say I don't notice the 20 or so women I meet with fillers/Botox every week.

Yes, yes I do notice.

You're not a very nice person, are you?

@oioisaveloy108

Probably not, no, but I'm just being honest.

You can tell when someone's had botox.
Fake tan is tacky.
Lip fillers look ridiculous.

That's just my opinion. I'm not telling people not to do those things if it makes them feel better.

Maybe he likes the cheap and tacky look? Lots of men do!

Goodness. You're unpleasant aren't you.

I'll take cheap and tacky over being a judgemental dick any day of the week.

I notice you conveniently ignored the fact that strangers (almost exclusively women) regularly compliment my hair - especially since I had it cut very short

[quote Yesyoucantell]@oioisaveloy108

Probably not, no, but I'm just being honest.

You can tell when someone's had botox.
Fake tan is tacky.
Lip fillers look ridiculous.

That's just my opinion. I'm not telling people not to do those things if it makes them feel better.[/quote]
You should get employed by one of those magazines where expert doctors say what someone may or may not have had done . You could tell the experts !

@DelBocaVista

Maybe he likes the cheap and tacky look? Lots of men do!

Goodness. You're unpleasant aren't you.

I'll take cheap and tacky over being a judgemental dick any day of the week.

I notice you conveniently ignored the fact that strangers (almost exclusively women) regularly compliment my hair - especially since I had it cut very short

You do you hun, whatever makes you happy.

You can tell when someone's had botox.
Fake tan is tacky.
Lip fillers look ridiculous.

In your opinion.

@DelBocaVista

You can tell when someone's had botox. Fake tan is tacky. Lip fillers look ridiculous.

In your opinion.

Hence why I said in that post "That's just my opinion. I'm not telling people not to do those things if it makes them feel better."

but I'm just being honest

Codeword for 'I'm a c*nt'

@oioisaveloy108

but I'm just being honest

Codeword for 'I'm a c*nt'

Only if you disagree, obviously.

Truth hurts sometimes, sorry.

Then why say it at all yesyoucantell?

I mean, you've told me I look cheap and tacky and that my husband must only find me attractive because he likes the cheap and tacky look. All this without having ever met me.

Why be so judgemental? Do you say these things to people in real life or do you keep it to when you can be anonymous?

I'm a very confident person but all my adult life I have faced judgement and have had people make assumptions about me based on how I look and dress - apparently my look is more suited to a hairdresser or beauty therapist than a senior academic at a university 🙄

Women have enough challenges without judging each other's appearance and resorting to calling each other cheap and tacky.

@DelBocaVista

I'm just sick of people pretending to themselves and others that Botox and fillers look good. They don't, they look crap.
The industry is built on women's insecurities and it makes me sick.

I'm allowed to say and think this and not join in with the delusion.

As for your look I've no idea what you look like in person, you probably look lovely but in general I personally think fake tan looks tacky.

My hairdresser is a beautiful, beautiful woman with lovely skin but she started fake tanning due to feeling insecure (she told me this) and it looks orange and cheap and nasty. So I'm sad for her.
She's also super intelligent and interesting to chat with, talented and creative so I'M not judging hairdressers.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

But what is the 'problem' I'm contributing to exactly @KiwiDramaQueen* ? Is wearing makeup and using sunscreen also contributing to the problem? I religiously use spf and retinol and primarily because of this I look much younger than my age - do you judge me for that too?*

The problem that women have an insane amount of pressure to not show signs of ageing and to look a way in which society deems attractive and acceptable.
Sunscreen protects you from skin cancer and men are equally expected to use this so it isn’t a product aimed at women and used solely for vanity reasons.
Make up is part of the problem, yes, because it is marketed as though women need it and need to look a certain way.

It’s not about judging other women (I wear makeup myself). It’s about acknowledging that it is all part of the way women are controlled and conditioned to think they must look a certain way to be accepted by society and to have any value. I accept my part in that because I perpetuate the idea that women need make up.
I then draw my own lines on where I’m willing to let that expectation and pressure influence my own choices- I have facials and wear makeup but will not have fillers, surgery, Botox etc. My personal line is drawn at where I would be happy for a teenage daughter to compare themselves. I’d be happy to have a teenage daughter get facials and wear make up. I wouldn’t be happy with a teenage daughter wanting fillers etc.

So, of course, make your own decisions and do what you want. Just be aware of the impact it had on wider society.

Oh right so you're just trying to 'educate me? '

Wow thanks so much.
I'd never have considered the roles and pressures on women in society without you

I hate to break it to you but not all women are the vacuous idiots you think they are, and their choices to use Botox, makeup or anything else doesn't impact either on their brain or their absolute lack of desire to be a role model for your teenage daughter. I literally couldn't care less about your arbitrary and hypocritical judgemental rulings over Botox versus makeup. And frankly trying to control the bodily autonomy of strangers on the internet by using your 12 year old child to attempt to guilt-trip them is weird.

Your kid is nothing to do with me - it's up to you to raise her with self worth, not me, so trying to hold me accountable for your child's self esteem is frankly weird.

[quote KiwiDramaQueen]@Veterinari you're right that it's difficult to know where to draw the line between various interventions. I hope I'm not judging but think it's more about feeling disappointed and sad - which I think any looking at the pressure on women not to age today is within her rights to feel.

I guess I personally would class a style choice (haircut etc) as different from something that is aimed at turning back the signs of age. Getting botox to correct a particular medical problem is different too, as you've referred to. Sunscreen is to prevent skin cancer!

Makeup is a tricky one, we all wear it whatever our age, so it's not primarily anti ageing. Although do I wish that it was a societal norm for women to wear little to no makeup as it is for men, yeah I think that would be much better for all of us!

Sorry I probably shouldn't have directed my comment at you specifically as that makes it seem quite targeted, would have been better to just share my thoughts generally.

Totally agree my self esteem could use some work, it's an uphill battle though when surrounded by constant messaging that our natural aging appearance is not good enough and fewer and fewer representations of women who haven't given nature a significant helping hand, surely anyone can understand that.[/quote]
I don't feel the pressure you describe. I'm in my 40s, aging naturally-ish and I look my age.

I focus on feeling fit and functional - I run I lift weights, I eat, I think I look fine. I don't see the pressure around aging you describe. I see women embracing grey hair, talking about the menopause and enjoying full filled lives.
But then I rarely use social media

Maybe he cares about you and recognises that you'll (very likely) do this often and you will end up changing your looks - he obviously knows that Botox is a poison that fucks with your muscles.
Those smile lines are a wonderful door into past memories.

I'm just sick of people pretending to themselves and others that Botox and fillers look good. They don't, they look crap.

Again, in your opinion. I've never had either and I've seen good results and bad results.

The industry is built on women's insecurities and it makes me sick.

You are contributing to women's insecurities by telling them the look terrible, cheap and tacky.
You can disagree with the pressure placed in women to look at particular way without resorting to petty insults. There are more effective ways to tackle this issue - telling women they look terrible just makes you sound like a horrible person.

My hairdresser is a beautiful, beautiful woman with lovely skin but she started fake tanning due to feeling insecure (she told me this) and it looks orange and cheap and nasty.So I'm sad for her.
She's also super intelligent and interesting to chat with, talented and creative so I'M not judging hairdressers.

No, you're just judging women who choose to use fake tan. And you're being nasty and patronising about it to boot....

Based on the OP's description of how much cosmetic stuff she's already had done, maybe this is the last straw for him- from the hair, teeth, tanning, etc, she's literally not the woman he married or is attracted to. He phrased it in a stupid way, but maybe for him his wife is a completely different looking person.
The OP is entitled to do what she wants to herself, he is entitled to not like it.

@VenusTiger

Maybe he cares about you and recognises that you'll (very likely) do this often and you will end up changing your looks - he obviously knows that Botox is a poison that fucks with your muscles. Those smile lines are a wonderful door into past memories.

What about frown lines? Or pain lines?

@DelBocaVista
I've never claimed it to be anything other than my opinion which I'm entitled to.

[quote Yesyoucantell]@DelBocaVista
I've never claimed it to be anything other than my opinion which I'm entitled to.[/quote]
It's just so incredibly hypocritical to be claiming to be angry about the societal expectations placed on women and their appearance while throwing about nasty insults aimed at women and their appearance.

I often have both Nd I also have tattoos. I do t care what men think. Its my face.

Totally agree with @DelBocaVista

@Yesyoucantell I'm beginning to think you just lack the ability to hold a decent discussion. Quite sad, really.

Why? It's weird to think you have the right to control another person's body

But you do have a right to know what you find attractive. And to be concerned of someone is risking their health for vanity.

I would probably leave my husband if he wanted to do any of that.

I have Botox for ‘number 11’s’ (frown lines, if you don’t know). I’m nearly 52, and have good skin for my age which I look after most of the time. I do this for ME, not anyone else, and it makes a massive difference to the face I see in the mirror - think ‘carefree’, rather than ‘weight of the world on my shoulders’? It transforms my face in the same way as well-shaped eyebrows can do (mine are threaded and more tidied than anything - I cannot get them even if I try myself).

I have some fiends who do the same as me, using a carefully selected practitioner for specific concerns, but also some who thoroughly indulge in Botox/fillers/anything going and have spent thousands (and will continue to do so) without really knowing what they want/need, doing any research, or even looking after their skins basic needs at all and who are never happy.

When I told my mum, she had a ‘pearl clutching’ moment - turns out she watches ‘Bodged’ and thought I was going down that route. Nope!

Friends, not fiends!