Husband said he will divorce me if I get Botox

[0zzyfan]

....... and I got it on Thursday .....

I have wanted it for some time, and love it!
The effects haven’t fully started yet, but I mentioned a friend (who was with me) had it and he hit the roof!

Said point blank - if I fucked with my face he would leave me over it. No questions asked.

The only question I have is - should I pack his bags for him and tell him? Or just ignore him and continue making myself happy?!

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

The “your body your choice” is quite short sighted.

The reason you feel you need these injections is because so many other women have them and it is now becoming socially unacceptable for women to show natural signs of ageing. The more women have this done, the less normal and acceptable ageing becomes.

Lip fillers are the same. The fewer women who have their normal, natural, thinner lips, the less acceptable and normal they become which increases the pressure on other women to do the same.

I have friends who have had nose jobs and lip fillers and often wonder if they’ve considered the impact it will have on their daughters’ self esteem. Their daughters may have inherited their mother’s lips or nose. Imagine growing up knowing that your mum found your natural features so repulsive that she had chemicals pumped into them or had bits of the bone hacked away. What would that do to a 12 year old girl’s confidence?

So, yeah, your body your choice but it also has heavy implications on others which we shouldn’t ignore just because it’s uncomfortable.

I don't have children. Am I 'allowed' to make decisions about my own body?

[quote callmemaybee]@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

who wants to have chemicals injected in to their face

I couldn’t read your asinine post after this. The same chemicals which naturally occur in our body? You tried it sis - but you’re not intelligent enough to make it work.

We “pump chemicals” in our body all the time in the form of medication. There are entire industries dedicated to us accessing chemicals to pump into our bodies in fact.

You are aware that even Botox is on the NHS for medical issues? And even the NHS will offer fillers and cosmetic surgery to a patient in exceptional circumstances? Beyond that, we lather our bodies in “chemicals” on a daily basis. Quite a selective memory you have there in an attempt to push your agenda 👏🏻[/quote]
It’s a shame you were unable to read on. I went on to explain a little bit about the impact on others that having this level of pressure to conform to unnatural aesthetics is having.
I’ll keep this one brief so you can retain attention.

Your choices impact others.

Just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t make them unintelligent.

Veterinari

Of course you’re allowed.
I was just pointing out that these types of procedures are having wider social implications.

It's your body so you can do what you like with it.

BUT your H is entitled to have his own thoughts on it and his boundaries and line in the sand.

I hate Botox, plastic surgery etc and I would lose respect for my partner if he had it. I'm not sure if I'd leave him. Maybe if he became obsessional with it I would. You may think your H saying he'll leave you over is extreme but if that's his line in the sand there isn't much you can do.

You can also always tell, in spite of what people say.

The Friends reunion thing was telling- Courtney Cox was so beautiful and she looks awful now. Same for the others that had it. It makes me sad. It was also the thing which most people talked about. No one was saying how great they looked, just how much plastic surgery they'd had.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

The “your body your choice” is quite short sighted.

The reason you feel you need these injections is because so many other women have them and it is now becoming socially unacceptable for women to show natural signs of ageing. The more women have this done, the less normal and acceptable ageing becomes.

Lip fillers are the same. The fewer women who have their normal, natural, thinner lips, the less acceptable and normal they become which increases the pressure on other women to do the same.

I have friends who have had nose jobs and lip fillers and often wonder if they’ve considered the impact it will have on their daughters’ self esteem. Their daughters may have inherited their mother’s lips or nose. Imagine growing up knowing that your mum found your natural features so repulsive that she had chemicals pumped into them or had bits of the bone hacked away. What would that do to a 12 year old girl’s confidence?

So, yeah, your body your choice but it also has heavy implications on others which we shouldn’t ignore just because it’s uncomfortable.

You see, I find your opinion quite short sighted.

The reason I wanted these injections is because they were available, I could have them, I could afford them and felt like cheering myself up. I didn't do it because I felt under any pressure to stop 'aging',

My mother brought me up to be confident and to have my own mind and if that includes altering my appearance because I can and I want to then why is that wrong? No different from dying my hair or eating healthy.

Oh, and to OP - you want them, you have them - your body, your life - got bugger all to do with him. I would have told them I was having them before I got them done and he could decide what he wanted to do then.

I'm sure he was being dramatic for effect when he delivered his Pronouncement. Difficult to know whether his objection is just 'it's silly/superficial', or something more - contributing to the way women are pressured into meeting the values of the male gaze? A step towards the "self-mutilation" of some cosmetic surgery? Do you know what his reasons are?

Obviously you have the right to make your own decisions, although MN often weighs against partners sneaking about doing something that the other has drawn a red line over. Either way, you should probably tell him if you plan to keep doing it.

There is a vast spectrum between the likes of the Bride of Wildenstein and everyday women who get regular Botox to look a bit fresher. I’m always baffled at those who judge women for doing so. Are they threatened?

OP, go and do whatever makes you happy 😊

irishmuminlondon2020

I’m always baffled at those who judge women for doing so. Are they threatened?

I definitely don't feel threatened by what other women look like. I'm average looking & need to lose a few kilos. But don't have any issues with other women looking more attractive. I just find it sad that women feel the need to inject their faces to feel confident in themselves. Who cares if we have a few wrinkles? I find it strange that women are covertly having procedures done. There are dangers involved as a poster below mentioned. It's not like having your hair coloured or some acrylic nails.

It also buys into the idea of women only being valued if they look a certain way.

@flippertygibbit I think the pp was questioning why using Botox cheers you up? I get they're available and you can afford it but the experience of having injectables I presume isn't a pleasant one so it's worth diving deeper to understand why you get it. I think a lot of women now start feeling less than and it's just another thing one has to do to be deemed attractive in the modern age which isn't a good direction to be going in.

We don't live in a vacuum so I agree with the PP who said it isn't as simple as your body, your choice.

Yep pack his bags. If you're happiness is skin deep to you and injecting yourself is more important let him go and find someone who is happy to be themselves.
Totally your choice but totally his not to agree.

Is he against you dying your hair, or wearing make up too? Frankly, if you're not allergic and not endangering your health it's none of his business.

The worse part isn't whether or not botox is ok. Threatening divorce is just nasty.

@FindingMeno

I usually find a good rule is to agree, nod, and do what I was going to do anyway.

absolutely this is the way forward for so many minor issues.

Light botox is barely noticeable except makes you look more refreshed and relaxed.
Id avoid stuff like fillers though and avoid anyone that tries to talk you into more things than you asked for. The person i occasionally get botox from, said to me last time that she thought I could get away with less than I thought, and saved me some money. Theyre not all out to con you. They wouldnt get repeat customers that way

[quote coronaway]@flippertygibbit I think the pp was questioning why using Botox cheers you up? I get they're available and you can afford it but the experience of having injectables I presume isn't a pleasant one so it's worth diving deeper to understand why you get it. I think a lot of women now start feeling less than and it's just another thing one has to do to be deemed attractive in the modern age which isn't a good direction to be going in.

We don't live in a vacuum so I agree with the PP who said it isn't as simple as your body, your choice.[/quote]
Thank you. That’s exactly what I meant 😊

He is picturing you looking like one of those horror pictures you see with women sporting enormous lips and faces that look unreal. I would be careful as it can be overdone. A friend of my dd had some Botox done and the verdict was never again. Can’t blame him for loving you the way you are.

Ladies, Thankyou for your wonderful comments

Yes lots of you raise valid points about changing my looks - I have already done this with other procedures - teeth whitening, composite veneers, invisalign.

I am naturally brunette with thin hair but have it dyed blonde and have extensions - he hates this too but I don’t care.

I wear fake tan every day too which he thinks is pointless....

Ultimately he would love me to be my natural self, but I would be unhappy and love feeling and looking (to me!) nice.... this is my first time having Botox and I haven’t seen the results yet but if I like it - I will continue !

This Botox by the way was free - I work in healthcare and a colleague did it for me. My boss paid for the supplies, so no I haven’t used the family pot of money although I am the higher earner anyway ...!

Ultimately, he doesn’t understand that Botox can be gentle, but I do and will never go for the masked wife look! Hehe

If you are going to have Botox then don’t leave it too late. The point is to have it BEFORE the lines start forming. Then they will never really get a chance to set in. Why does he need to know ? Botox doesn’t make you look different - it just relaxed the forehead so that the lines don’t form.

@BackforGood

What *@OooPourUsACupLove* said.

Someone who wants to have chemicals injected in to their face, because they think it will make them look better, would have gone a long way from a person that I could respect and share values with. It's not about 'control' it's about the very values that go deep.

Agree

I find it really sad this is becoming normal

I was going to ask if he had issues with you spending family money on it but as it's free you've already answered it.

@Blessex

If you are going to have Botox then don’t leave it too late. The point is to have it BEFORE the lines start forming. Then they will never really get a chance to set in. Why does he need to know ? Botox doesn’t make you look different - it just relaxed the forehead so that the lines don’t form.

This is such misinformation. Your face just creases elsewhere. How do you think your face actually forms expressions? It has to move 😂. All that happens is you form some very weird creases in different places on your face over time

Does your boss know you used the supplies?

@bagelbaby

Keep going. Mine has no idea.

Same here!

Buy a new face cream .. leave it on the side ... say nothing
Bet he doesn't even notice
As long as you not going full startled look then I guarantee he won't even know
You are not lying if you say nothing and if it's your money then so what

he sounds a bit ignorant about it.

I bet he doesn't even notice it at all.

Wait about a month and then tell him. He'll think you got it that day and if he comments negatively, you can inform him you got it last month.