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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband said he will divorce me if I get Botox

268 replies

0zzyfan · 05/06/2021 21:14

....... and I got it on Thursday .....

I have wanted it for some time, and love it!
The effects haven’t fully started yet, but I mentioned a friend (who was with me) had it and he hit the roof!

Said point blank - if I fucked with my face he would leave me over it. No questions asked.

The only question I have is - should I pack his bags for him and tell him? Or just ignore him and continue making myself happy?!

OP posts:
Sandra15 · 05/06/2021 23:46

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

I just looked up Britt Eckland.

She has the same stretched mouth as Courtney Cox, Jennifer Anniston, Sharon Osbourne and numerous others.

Is this a ‘trend’? It’s really distracting. Not keen on that particular ‘look’ at all.

Christie Brinkley looks terrible, and Amanda Holden's mouth is drooping.
Howshouldibehave · 05/06/2021 23:46

@SappysCurry

hi Op Does he not want you to look lovely ? It seems very extreme to say he’s going to leave you over it….
I presume he thinks she looks lovely already.
MissCruellaDeVil · 05/06/2021 23:50

Help him file for divorce, it's your body!

LostInManchester · 05/06/2021 23:54

Two words... Dale Winton

You make a bit of money from a supermarket based game show, and then bam. Your face looks like someone's melted the walnut sideboard

Wherearemymarbles · 06/06/2021 01:11

Your face, your choice

Personally I couldnt get past the vanity.
But then I couldn’t give a flying fuck what I look like.

HandsOffMyRights · 06/06/2021 01:18

I wouldn't be happy if my husband had botox. It's his body, but I know where your DH is coming from. However, talk of divorce is extreme.

lolacola77 · 06/06/2021 01:22

He probably doesn't want his wife to look like a rubber ball. His reaction is extreme but he clearly lives the way you look. How would you feel if he came home like Rylan?

Dontletthecatout · 06/06/2021 01:30

My OH doesnt like it but wouldn't leave me for it. I just had it done a couple of weeks ago and have already been asked to take my mask down for acolohol ID reasons! ❤

toastjam · 06/06/2021 02:42

@Lucyccfc68 I wish! It just makes me look like I've had a nights sleep. I've aged very visibly since my first was born.

Kerrik · 06/06/2021 04:33

Maybe he is worried about your health? But even so, it really isn't his decision what you should do with your body. My husband (then boyfriend) had the same attitude as your husband, he said I should never mess with my face but I didn't listen, I went behind his back as I wanted to look pretty on my wedding day.

I was 33 when I first got botox, I got it done by a highly recommended/trained cosmetic surgeon on Harley Street (so not groupon deal or beautician). The doctor also mentioned to me that she could see the "fat pad" of my cheek dropping as I had lost a lot of weight for my wedding so she advised a tiny amount of filler too. I took her advice and tried it, she inserted only 5cc of juverderm voluma in each cheek, but the second cheek she struggled with the cannula and pressed hard and I felt an electric shock, I told her it was painful and she said that it was normal. I now know it was not normal at all. I was left with horrific constant pain, nerve damage called Post-Traumatic Trigeminal Neuropathy, which I will have for the rest of my life. I had to take a year off work to find medication, and I was suicidal as the pain was unbearable 24/7. Also, my botox started to wear off after only 8 weeks, in most people it wears away quickly so it can be an expensive investment.

Here I am 7 years on, and I still suffer everyday but I have learned to deal with it. The Facial Pain Unit in London helped me imensely. They see the damage that injectables do everyday. I met a girl who went blind in one eye from botox and another, lost her left nostril from skin necrosis after a filler infection. The reason we don't hear about these stories is out of shame, or like me if you sue your doctor for medical negliance, you must sign a non-disclosure agreement to never discuss your story. The industry strives on womens insecurites and secrecies! We don't shout about it when it goes wrong, we suffer in slience as its shameful. Even when I first went to my GP with nerve dmage he said "why would you do that to your face? Silly girl". There is very little sympathy from medical professionals. I carried alot of guilt with me as I was fit and healthy and I made the decision to jeopardize my health for the sake of vanity. I will never ever get over that.

This post isn't to scare anyone but it is a reality check, injectables are never 100% safe, no matter if you got the best doctor in the world. If you do decide to get injectables, please only ever use a board certified dermatologist who is a member of The General Medical Council. Please ensure they are insured, I would not have got the settlement I did for medical neglicance if my doctor did not have insurance. It's your face, get the best professional possible.

Motnight · 06/06/2021 04:46

That's horrendous, Kerrick.

121hugsneeded · 06/06/2021 05:57

Maybe he just loves you, just the way you are.

It's a shame that people feel the need to have Botox.

It's awful when it goes wrong,

Now you have tried it, hopefully that is enough to satisfy your curiosity.

Don't throw your marriage away over it though.

SarahBellam · 06/06/2021 06:10

He properly thinks you’ll end up looking like Simon Cowell.

FindingMeno · 06/06/2021 06:15

I usually find a good rule is to agree, nod, and do what I was going to do anyway.

Frannibananni · 06/06/2021 06:28

@FindingMeno

I usually find a good rule is to agree, nod, and do what I was going to do anyway.
Definitely. This is such good advice, I do ask myself how if will affect my husband or children and if the answer is not at all then no one else’s opinion is valid.
GillBiggeloesHair · 06/06/2021 06:29

My husband doesn't even notice. I've been having Botox and fillers for a few years now.
I also had my eyebrows microbladed, he didn't notice that either.

Veterinari · 06/06/2021 06:32

@121hugsneeded

Maybe he just loves you, just the way you are.

It's a shame that people feel the need to have Botox.

It's awful when it goes wrong,

Now you have tried it, hopefully that is enough to satisfy your curiosity.

Don't throw your marriage away over it though.

Maybe the OP wants to have Botox and not be controlled by a man who threatens to leave her when she exercises her right to bodily autonomy
KatherineJaneway · 06/06/2021 06:38

Someone who wants to have chemicals injected in to their face, because theythinkit will make them look better, would have gone a long way from a person that I could respect and share values with. It's not about 'control' it's about the very values that go deep.

Having botox doesn’t mean you don't have values.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 06/06/2021 07:08

The “your body your choice” is quite short sighted.

The reason you feel you need these injections is because so many other women have them and it is now becoming socially unacceptable for women to show natural signs of ageing. The more women have this done, the less normal and acceptable ageing becomes.

Lip fillers are the same. The fewer women who have their normal, natural, thinner lips, the less acceptable and normal they become which increases the pressure on other women to do the same.

I have friends who have had nose jobs and lip fillers and often wonder if they’ve considered the impact it will have on their daughters’ self esteem. Their daughters may have inherited their mother’s lips or nose. Imagine growing up knowing that your mum found your natural features so repulsive that she had chemicals pumped into them or had bits of the bone hacked away. What would that do to a 12 year old girl’s confidence?

So, yeah, your body your choice but it also has heavy implications on others which we shouldn’t ignore just because it’s uncomfortable.

callmemaybee · 06/06/2021 07:31

@londonscalling

Whilst I appreciate you can do what you want to your face, I like the fact that your husband loves you as you are. MN's would be up in arms if he said he would leave you if you didn't get it!
If he loves her as she is, he would respect her decisions although he doesn’t agree. Botox is hardly a complete alteration of her appearance - she will look the same bar a few creases, and her personality will be the exact same. Therefore him saying he’ll divorce her over Botox is dramatic

Many men get Botox too btw. I doubt their wives threatened divorce as an ultimatum to stop them. It’s like he’s threatened at OP being perceived as more attractive

callmemaybee · 06/06/2021 07:38

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

who wants to have chemicals injected in to their face

I couldn’t read your asinine post after this. The same chemicals which naturally occur in our body? You tried it sis - but you’re not intelligent enough to make it work.

We “pump chemicals” in our body all the time in the form of medication. There are entire industries dedicated to us accessing chemicals to pump into our bodies in fact.

You are aware that even Botox is on the NHS for medical issues? And even the NHS will offer fillers and cosmetic surgery to a patient in exceptional circumstances? Beyond that, we lather our bodies in “chemicals” on a daily basis. Quite a selective memory you have there in an attempt to push your agenda 👏🏻

Branleuse · 06/06/2021 07:44

Its not up to him. Does he even need to know? Ive had it before and just not told anyone. How often would it even come up in conversation?

Shelddd · 06/06/2021 07:47

I don't know that i agree. Marriage isn't just about a friendship for lifetime, it's also about a sexual and romantic partner for life. There should be some care to look good for each other. You should be communicating and finding out what you each like about each other and trying to maximize those things and not intentionally do something the other person thinks is unaesthetic just out of some misguided feminist concept. This goes both ways. What if you hate shaved heads and your DH has a great head of hair and shaves it anyway... You would have just as much right to be annoyed.

But then again most people let themselves go and don't try to maintain any level of sexuality or attractiveness post marriage so whatever. I don't think that's you OP considering you are getting Botox you are probably trying to maintain your beauty but it's not a bad thing your husband likes you as you are.

Blueskytoday06 · 06/06/2021 07:50

Of course he's not going to leave you. Dick.

minmooch · 06/06/2021 08:12

@Kerrik I'm so sorry - what an horrific ordeal Thanks