Husband put a tracking device in babies push chair

[Tilpop]

So today I had a child free day for the first time in 11 months.
I went for a hair cut then out for lunch with my best friend.

DH took LO out for the day.

Got home and he had opened a Package. He said they were devices used to find keys, bags etc. Then proceeded to show me that they "beep" when the app on your phone is activated.

Turns out these are apple air tags.

I decided to take LO for a walk in the push chair as he was getting grouchy and needed a nap. I opened the top of the chair and inside was one of these devices.

I googled it and apparently they are also tracking devices.

WTF........ I'm gutted. I asked him about it when I got home and he said he was testing it to see if it worked. But never told me it was there to start with.

There are 8 of them sat in my kitchen.

He says they are for keys etc......and you need to be near them for them to show on the app.

I doubt this as I've googled it.

What do I do. I'm so upset. Does anyone know anything about this?

@Franklyfrost

If your husband is filming you at home and tracking your outside the home it’s really likely he’s reading this.

That's true, be careful op. You can also use Ask for Ani at Boots etc

www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

We all have trackers on various things and on our phones. Everyone is aware, everyone agreed. DH wanted to put a camera in the house for the dog. I said no and he didn't. It's fucking weird to be surveilled in your own home. But if you consent, fine I suppose.

OP you didn't consent. I would be extremely careful what you do next. Be aware that there are things like key loggers and other computer-based surveillance if he's techy.

@Hallyup6

I don't necessarily see this as weird. We have cameras all over the house, inside and outside. My husband is security conscious and we can locate the kids in a second or two, if necessary. I have access to a bank account that he doesn't. We track each others location on our phones, usually so we know what time the other will be back home. It's not weird, and we trust each other. Why does everyone on Mumsnet think everything is sinister when it comes to men?

How big is your house that you need to track your children via cameras? In what circumstances would that be necessary?

That does sound like a weak justification for you being trackable

You need your own bank account if he has one.
And get someone knowledgeable to check your phone, he might have put stuff on there.
Do you have any cameras actually in the house ?

They are meant to be used for keys or pet tags air pods boxes etc, to have bought so many of them is very odd & they are definitely not meant for the top of a pram whilst your on a walk, the fact he never disclosed he was tracking you, plus your other comments about cameras & finances is worrying, he's keeping tabs on your every move at this point which is excessive and unnecessary. Unnerving behaviour to say the least I'd be looking to leave the relationship in the safest way possible at this point. Women's aid are great at advising situations like this but he could have tabs on your phone if he's going this in depth, please be careful.

This is coercive control, OP and it is a crime punishable by prison time.

I tell you what I would do, with the benefit of the brutal hindsight of my own coercively controlling marriage. I would not only leave, I would speak with the police and agree to make a statement to them about it. They may or may not take any action, however what this will achieve is to both document your stbeh's actions and will also robustly communicate to him that you see him, you see his actions, you can name them and you WILL report to the police. With a little luck, that will be enough of a shock to make him back right off and try to find a more compliant victim.

Post separation coercive control has just been made illegal also, so do know that any continuation of his controlling behaviour post separation can also be dealt with criminally, by the police, and prosecuted.

OP do keep seeking support here on MN.

We have the find my friend app on each other’s phone to see where each other is for us this is normal. But you describing the cameras in the house is not normal. He goes away and he watches you and you don’t know where he is?
Contact some of the professional organisations mentioned, or family or a friend. If you were a school mum who I only knew to say hello to at pick up and you asked me for help and gave me this info, I would help even if I hadn’t met you for coffee before. People do help.

It's the secrecy that is concerning. Why not just say "let's test this out, why dont you take it with you?"

This is NOT NORMAL.

Listen to your gut - you know it's not right in your heart...
If my DH had done this I'd know he was honestly just testing it, because he doesnt track my movements, watch our cctv or query me on my whereabouts.

You should be taking steps to leave.
There is lot of good advice on here. Good luck.

@Hallyup6

I don't necessarily see this as weird. We have cameras all over the house, inside and outside. My husband is security conscious and we can locate the kids in a second or two, if necessary. I have access to a bank account that he doesn't. We track each others location on our phones, usually so we know what time the other will be back home. It's not weird, and we trust each other. Why does everyone on Mumsnet think everything is sinister when it comes to men?

Literally can’t u just ask your partner “what time will u be home”, I’m a grown adult, I can make my way home without being tracked and don’t need to answer to anyone.

Do you trust him?

coercive control and guilty conscience. Bet you he's the one sneaking around and suspects your doing it!

@MrsFin

Were you going anywhere you didn't what DH to know about? If not, I can't see the issue.

What ? You can’t see the issue with a man putting a tracking device on the pushchair with out telling his partner who is using it ?

Is he saying he plans to track you going forward using these things? Or did he pop it in the pushchair to see how it worked as it was the only thing leaving the house?

Because we have loads of tracking devices on high value items around the house. We’ve had a few thefts this past year. It’s good for things to be tracked if you’re worried about losing them. If you mean he intends to continue tracking you, that’s something different.

Go to the police when you can. This is not normal or safe. It’s a terrible environment for you and the children.

@MrsFin

Were you going anywhere you didn't what DH to know about? If not, I can't see the issue.

That is so not the point. She should be able to go anywhere and not consider whether to tell him or not.

Omg this is pretty scary. I echo what others have said. I'm scared to actually pass on my advice incase he's reading.

@PicsInRed - agreed. My abusive exh set up a camera in our main living area - I forget which weak-ass excuse he gave at the time for it being necessary - probably some horse shit about it being for security. My boundaries were non-existent and I didn't think anything sinister of it at first. Now I can't believe I let him do it. @Hallyup6 - I shared your point of view at the time: nothing to hide, why would I care if there was a camera up? The fact that your husband didn't see the need to consult with his wife about it is something you might want to think about.

@MrsFin
I walk my little boy the same route everyday when it's his nap time. Fresh air for me and him. Our village is very small and I see the locals everyday walking dogs / other children
So NO!!!!! I was nit going anywhere other than taking my boy for a walk like I do EVERYDAY

@Akire

I had ex partner many moons ago who would try catch me out (nothing to catch me For ) would want to know where I’d been and what time got back. Then if I’d give a rough time “I got the bus at 3 and was home at 330” he would produce a bus ticket, this is (how long ago it was) . And then say ah ha you got home at 410 What where you up to????? It’s unreasonable behaviour.

In the unlikely event he had some sort of general anxiety and needs to keep tabs on everyone in his life he needs tell you and get help. If not it’s plain old gas lighting and control you be better off without. It’s not healthy. The cameras and bank accounts not good flags either.

Yes, I escaped a man like that twenty years ago.

If OP is this upset she obviously feels this is a similar dynamic.

OP do you want to leave? He will get worse not better, unfortunately. Do you have a career to go back to? Any access to money? Family who are able to help?

@MrsFin

Were you going anywhere you didn't what DH to know about? If not, I can't see the issue.

What a thoroughly stupid remark. You think it’s fine for partners to be controlling if the controlled partner doesn’t do anything “wrong” anyway? Jeez.

Please call the police and tell them what is happening. He is stalking his own wife and could be dangerous

@MrsFin

Were you going anywhere you didn't what DH to know about? If not, I can't see the issue.

Really? You think it's normal for your partner to track where you go secretly?

Have you phoned Women's Aid yet? Don't do this from a phone he tracks or a room he listens to or watches.

If your gut tells you he has ulterior motives, then trust your gut. You say you have nowhere to go and no one to turn to. Think very carefully. You may have friends or family that he has insidiously alienated you from, or has alienated them from you. If this is the case pick up the phone and call, no matter how long it's been. I'd be willing to bet they're waiting and praying for that call. Even if they live in another country, they can still be a good source of emotional support and practical suggestions. There are also organizations that can help you. Call them. You are not alone.