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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband put a tracking device in babies push chair

324 replies

Tilpop · 05/06/2021 20:16

So today I had a child free day for the first time in 11 months.
I went for a hair cut then out for lunch with my best friend.

DH took LO out for the day.

Got home and he had opened a Package. He said they were devices used to find keys, bags etc. Then proceeded to show me that they "beep" when the app on your phone is activated.

Turns out these are apple air tags.

I decided to take LO for a walk in the push chair as he was getting grouchy and needed a nap. I opened the top of the chair and inside was one of these devices.

I googled it and apparently they are also tracking devices.

WTF........ I'm gutted. I asked him about it when I got home and he said he was testing it to see if it worked. But never told me it was there to start with.

There are 8 of them sat in my kitchen.

He says they are for keys etc......and you need to be near them for them to show on the app.

I doubt this as I've googled it.

What do I do. I'm so upset. Does anyone know anything about this?

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 05/06/2021 20:39

He sounds very, very scary. Do you have access to money?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 05/06/2021 20:42

I think the tags as an isolated incident is not of concern. I’d do something like this to test them out.
But given your updates he’s a controlling abuser and you should I leave.

Original poster
Tilpop · 05/06/2021 20:42

I have no where else to go. I just don't know what to do or how to do it

OP posts:
RoseRedRoseBlue · 05/06/2021 20:43

Ultimately the longer you do nothing, the longer it will continue. The support is there for you. Please, please use it.

RedSquirrelRoar · 05/06/2021 20:43

Air tags are meant to be for finding your keys, etc but definitely can be used to stalk people. They are supposed to have features to stop them being used to track people secretly, but they are quite weak and don’t address tracking by someone you live with.
www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2021/05/05/apple-airtags-stalking/

Apple recently did an update so that they beep when away from the owners phone for 8+ hours but again that’s not necessarily going to stop tracking by abusive partners unless you are out of the house for long periods.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-57351554

IdblowJonSnow · 05/06/2021 20:46

This is very worrying and scary OP. He doesn't trust you at all. No idea why some people have said they can't see an issue with this. ConfusedAngry
I would imagine he will try to look at your phone, if he doesn't already.
Please take care.

Hallyup6 · 05/06/2021 20:48

I don't necessarily see this as weird. We have cameras all over the house, inside and outside. My husband is security conscious and we can locate the kids in a second or two, if necessary. I have access to a bank account that he doesn't. We track each others location on our phones, usually so we know what time the other will be back home. It's not weird, and we trust each other. Why does everyone on Mumsnet think everything is sinister when it comes to men?

PassMeTheWotsits · 05/06/2021 20:50

My husband bought one of these to put on a bit of hobby equipment. Couldn’t possibly say what it is in case it outs me 😬 first thing he did was give it to his work mate to take home, so he could test if it works and what it was like. He has now glued it in the frame of his bike so he can find it if it gets stolen.

So, I would be inclined to believe he was just testing it. He obviously needed it to leave the house to see if it works

mathanxiety · 05/06/2021 20:51

@Tilpop

This is not one bit innocent, nor was he 'testing' the device.

What he is doing is stalking his own wife. It's an element of coercive control, which is illegal.

For the time being, look up 'how to disable apple tracking device' on your phone. Follow the fairly simple directions. You will be in 'settings' to do this.

Same goes for android.

Do you have any access to money at all?

If you're the same poster I think you are, you need to call Women's Aid and ask for help leaving him.

AgathaAllAlong · 05/06/2021 20:51

@Hallyup6 the big difference is that both of you agreed to it (I'm assuming!). The OP has not agreed to this, it's been done without her consent. That makes all the difference.

OP did you agree to the cameras around the house? What would happen if you said you didn't want them anymore?

WouldBeGood · 05/06/2021 20:52

Fuck me, there’s lots of weirdos out there: cameras in your house?!

VaguelyInteresting · 05/06/2021 20:52

@Hallyup6

I think that’s weird too.

At what point will your desire to surveil your house give way to your kids’ need for privacy?

I’m sorry but from where I’m sitting, nothing about turning your house into the big brother house is “not weird”.

Anxietyforever · 05/06/2021 20:55

@Hallyup6 how weird

Anxietyforever · 05/06/2021 20:56

I totally understand cameras outside the house BUT inside the house is very extreme.

Ju11tne · 05/06/2021 20:57

Are the cameras in every room OP? I think this is the most alarming part tbh!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 05/06/2021 20:57

From your OP, I thought there could be an innocent explanation but the more you post the worse it is. This is weird and not normal.

Do you have any family or friends you can talk to?

callmemaybee · 05/06/2021 20:58

Apple is working on it

www.engadget.com/apple-airtags-privacy-update-193102233.html

Hallyup6 · 05/06/2021 20:59

[quote VaguelyInteresting]@Hallyup6

I think that’s weird too.

At what point will your desire to surveil your house give way to your kids’ need for privacy?

I’m sorry but from where I’m sitting, nothing about turning your house into the big brother house is “not weird”.[/quote]
My older kids have privacy. There's no cameras in their bedrooms or the lounge. It's easier to locate the two under fours when they disappear. I never agreed to cameras but my husband did it anyway. I don't care, I have nothing to hide.

LIZS · 05/06/2021 20:59

It is not normal or healthy and symptomatic of an abusive relationship. He gets to do exactly as he chooses but you have neither the means or opportunity because he controls everything. Are you working now, can you call Women's Aid for advice as to how to break free of this,

korawick12345 · 05/06/2021 21:00

You are in an abusive relationship and this has been pointed out to you many times. There will be lots of people here able to advise when you decide what you want to do. Look after yourself your husband sounds very dangerous

mathanxiety · 05/06/2021 21:02

I have no where else to go. I just don't know what to do or how to do it

@Tilpop
Call:

Women's Aid 0808 2000 247
You will need to leave a message and they will get back to you at a time you state.
You can email them too.
If possible, please use a friend's email address, laptop and/or phone for contact. Your H may well have put keyloggers on all of yours.

You need to call Rights of Women for help with legal rights enforcement.
rightsofwomen.org.uk/

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/coercive-control-and-the-law/

You need to talk to a friend and confide in her, and ask her to help you out with her devices. This is hard to do, because the aim of abuse is to isolate you and make you feel friendless and alone. Please, please swallow hard and reach out to anyone you feel might be kind and sensible, if you honestly don't believe you have a friend.

People you might go to in the community include a school principal, nursery school manager, HV, your GP's office.

You can also go straight to the police station and ask for their domestic abuse officer.

mightbealittlebitmad · 05/06/2021 21:06

I have a key finder on my keys and in my purse because I'm forever putting them down and forgetting where. I do have to be near them for it to beep but they do give me a last seen location.

Putting it in a pushchair is weird, in almost 6 years and 2 children I've never lost mine but lose my purse and keys nearly daily so a key finder is useful for them but not for a pushchair.

The cameras are a bit weird too,.we have one in the kids room which is a baby monitor and is primarily used for music now but nowhere else to my knowledge.

I did the Google location sharing with my husband until somewhat recently when he started ringing asking why I was in X place or ringing to say he couldn't see my location. I was incredibly cross and felt totally stalked. I understood why he was being so possessive because he thought I was up to no good having suggested we end our marriage. I don't have an issue with him knowing where I am because I am always where I say I am but it crossed the line for me big time.

If he's tracking you then you need to put a stop to it either by telling him or leaving him. My husband has his issues but I wasn't worried for my safety with turning off the tracking, a bit about drama yes and it does wear me down but I've chosen to stay because things on the outside are not necessarily any better. If things got worse I would be hot footing it out as fast as I could.

tukanada · 05/06/2021 21:08

Contact women's aid and go to a refuge

C0nstance · 05/06/2021 21:09

That's awful!
Cant believe some people are saying what's the problem

Franklyfrost · 05/06/2021 21:10

If your husband is filming you at home and tracking your outside the home it’s really likely he’s reading this.