Husband put a tracking device in babies push chair

[Tilpop]

So today I had a child free day for the first time in 11 months.
I went for a hair cut then out for lunch with my best friend.

DH took LO out for the day.

Got home and he had opened a Package. He said they were devices used to find keys, bags etc. Then proceeded to show me that they "beep" when the app on your phone is activated.

Turns out these are apple air tags.

I decided to take LO for a walk in the push chair as he was getting grouchy and needed a nap. I opened the top of the chair and inside was one of these devices.

I googled it and apparently they are also tracking devices.

WTF........ I'm gutted. I asked him about it when I got home and he said he was testing it to see if it worked. But never told me it was there to start with.

There are 8 of them sat in my kitchen.

He says they are for keys etc......and you need to be near them for them to show on the app.

I doubt this as I've googled it.

What do I do. I'm so upset. Does anyone know anything about this?

Loving your username @bunburyscucumbersandwich

"No cucumbers, not even for ready money"

OP I hope you are okay. It may be tough and scary to do it but you must leave and go to a refuge. This is coercive behaviour and control and is NOT normal. He's abusing you.

@Tilpop

I have cameras front, back, side, garden. Door cameras, living room and kitchen And babies room.

Every time I leave the house the camera notification goes off and I get a phone call. Where am I going etc
Even if just to the shop for food / nappies etc.

This is absolutely unacceptable. You need to leave this man. If you need motivation, have. A look into the statistics of men killing their partners , they all start out like this

@Tilpop

I have cameras front, back, side, garden. Door cameras, living room and kitchen And babies room.

Every time I leave the house the camera notification goes off and I get a phone call. Where am I going etc
Even if just to the shop for food / nappies etc.

What would happen if you turned the cameras off or refused to answer the phone?

@FreekStar

Ring do provide internal cameras! They are for recording intruders while you are not there.

Yuh. Intruders - not your kids!

@Tilpop listen to what other posters are saying. This is actually a scary level of supervision/control and totally not normal. No way would I live like that.

What would happen if you didn’t answer the phone?

Sorry, don't have time to RTFT, but the first thing you can do is to insist on having independent access to your monthly & start saving secretly. Every woman should have some kind of personal fund - 'running away money' is the usual term.

People will tell OP she's in an abusive controlling relationship and advise where she can get help. The thread stops and months after OP will start a different thread with same issues.
What do you really want from these threads OP?

@Treemama

If your intention was to prevent a victim of domestic abuse from receiving support to leave, congratulations. It's looks like you may have succeeded. The OP hasn't been back since replying to you.

DV victims often leave or seek help several times before they finally break away. Each time they put their lives and those of their children in danger.

Maybe you could take a few minutes to imagine how that feels. Then multiply what you think it's like by a thousand.

If you don't want to read thread like this, don't click on them. If you don't understand coercive control, you are blessed. Feel free to stay that way but please don't try to sabotage the only or last opportunity someone may have to leave an abusive relationship again.

@Loopylobes

The issue @Treemama has is that the OP is given advice time and time again - lots of members on here take the time and trouble to respond saying she is in an abusive relationship and leave and provides the necessary information to do so......but the OP doesn't seem to take any of it on board and will just post another thread months later about the same issue of having cameras in the house and a husband who watches her?

When you say there are cameras on the inside of the house, I would assume for security when you're not home. Are they on all day, and what would he say if you switched them off? They're not needed as you're home of course, if he wants them on all the time that definitely proves he's spying on you, I agree the hidden tracker on the pram is to keep tabs on you when you're out and he can't see you on the camera. He may have shown you the devices and given a plausible explanation in case you discovered it, so you'd think it was ok?

[quote andivfmakes3]**@Loopylobes

The issue @Treemama has is that the OP is given advice time and time again - lots of members on here take the time and trouble to respond saying she is in an abusive relationship and leave and provides the necessary information to do so......but the OP doesn't seem to take any of it on board and will just post another thread months later about the same issue of having cameras in the house and a husband who watches her? [/quote]
People choose to post, and choose to spend their time doing this. That does not mean any OP has to do what they advise to pay them back for their time. Frankly, if someone cannot cope with their post not being acted on they should never post on any thread. No one owes them anything.

As @Loopylobes rightly said, victims of toxic or abusive relationships often need to tell their story many times before they leave. They need the time to do this. The worst thing that can happen is if they feel unable to continue to reach out for fear of the reaction they will get. If people here don't want to offer repeated support, they are free to click on another thread.
Women in toxic relationships are not here to provide a quick narrative or to provide satisfaction to those who have posted that their time has been well spent. They are women in situations and mental states that most of us will never be able to imagine. They need time and space to work through all that. And yes, that may mean posting over and over. You might not want to support those women but please don't intimidate them out of seeking support from those who are willing to help.

This is illegal and you need help urgently, this will not get better, this will not stay the same, this WILL get WORSE.

This happened to me a long time ago and it was not considered as domestic violence then but it is now. they do not need to hit you for it to be domestic abuse.

Go to any pharmacy and ask for Ani, it is the code word for domestic abuse they will help, you need to get the ball rolling, whether it is today, tomorrow or next week.

No matter how much we want you to go now, you need to be ready in your head to ask for help.

common examples of coercive behaviour are:

Isolating you from friends and family
Depriving you of basic needs, such as food
Monitoring your time
Monitoring you via online communication tools or spyware
Taking control over aspects of your everyday life, such as where you can go, who you can see, what you can wear and when you can sleep
Depriving you access to support services, such as medical services
Repeatedly putting you down, such as saying you’re worthless
Humiliating, degrading or dehumanising you
Controlling your finances
Making threats or intimidating you

I put up with it for too long, this behaviour did not start until i was 8 months pregnant after being together many years. I thought as lots do he was really good with our daughter, i obviously did something wrong. I did see eventually but it took me till she was 5, do not wait IF you can find the strength ask for ANI or just ask for help

@bunburyscucumbersandwich

It says this on the Apple website:

AirTag is designed to discourage unwanted tracking. If someone else’s AirTag finds its way into your stuff, your iPhone will notice it’s travelling with you and send you an alert. After a while, if you still haven’t found it, the AirTag will start playing a sound to let you know it’s there.
Of course, if you happen to be with a friend who has an AirTag, or on a train with loads of people with AirTag, don’t worry. These alerts are triggered only when an AirTag is separated from its owner.

So, if you have an iPhone then you should know that there's a tracker on you.

I was about to post the same thing - Air tags are not secret tracking devices for that reason.

I don’t know what you are worried about

@Blankspace101 could you elaborate

This all sounds very very creepy to me. I hope you can get some help.

It’s not normal to have so many cameras outside your house, let alone inside too! It’s also weird that he asks where you’re going when a camera is triggered as you leave the house. It’s terrifying that he has so much surveillance on you and even tracked your walk without your prior knowledge. Why is he allowed to know your every move, but you don’t know his?

Please show this thread to your parents or a close friend. Please get away from Big Brother!

I don’t know what you are worried about

You would blindly accept a situation in which you received a phone call requiring your whereabouts every time you left the house would you ?

Women in toxic relationships are not here to provide a quick narrative or to provide satisfaction to those who have posted that their time has been well spent.

Amen to that

@smallspeckbigcloud
@Loopylobes
I'm actually seeing a bigger picture here and my input was to make OP reflect if they really want help or only want sympathy at present. Challenging a person to think more clearly is more helpful than providing sympathy which doesn't offer the other person any real support. If OP is not ready to take any actions right now, it's fair enough but acknowledge the situation that she's at and the advice that was given, instead of saying "I don't know what to do". Being dismissive of this is not going to make any progress. There's nothing wrong in saying I'm not ready to get out of this relationship and work from there.

@Tilpop

If you haven't already then please listen to the 'dirty john' podcast.

Your DH has parallel behaviours in terms of control and surveillance.

Please speak to women's aid

This is very worrying behaviour. If you need to access help discreetly you can go into any Boots and ask to see "Ani". You will get taken into a private room, where they will help you access support. If he is tracking you, then you can just say you were buying tampons/nappies etc. You should also delete this entire thread from your internet history, and make sure you are logged out of mn and change the password.

@Treemama

Your post wasn't about helping the OP in any way. MN has a plethora of post from women who need help to leave abusive relationships and don't manage it in the space of one thread. The message to the OP was very clearly put up or shut up and the question you asked was clearly rhetorical. It was entirely inappropriate and this is not the place 'challenging' people to think more clearly in that way.

All the women here can do is sew seeds. The OP may not be in a place where she can hear this. Or do anything. Or even acknowledge that there's an issue. But maybe in six months when mat leave is over and she posts another thread, one of the seeds will sprout. Maybe she'll call women's aid or tell a friend.

Her job is to get through the day, living with a controlling abuser. Not to immediately LTB because we tell her to.