Husband put a tracking device in babies push chair

[Tilpop]

So today I had a child free day for the first time in 11 months.
I went for a hair cut then out for lunch with my best friend.

DH took LO out for the day.

Got home and he had opened a Package. He said they were devices used to find keys, bags etc. Then proceeded to show me that they "beep" when the app on your phone is activated.

Turns out these are apple air tags.

I decided to take LO for a walk in the push chair as he was getting grouchy and needed a nap. I opened the top of the chair and inside was one of these devices.

I googled it and apparently they are also tracking devices.

WTF........ I'm gutted. I asked him about it when I got home and he said he was testing it to see if it worked. But never told me it was there to start with.

There are 8 of them sat in my kitchen.

He says they are for keys etc......and you need to be near them for them to show on the app.

I doubt this as I've googled it.

What do I do. I'm so upset. Does anyone know anything about this?

We have the phone tracker app, which was useful to see where DH was on his journey home when sorting dinner (now he is WFH not really needed!) Also useful when any of us are out walking in local countryside (middle of nowhere).

But can't understand cameras in the house, even if everyone in the house is happy to have them. I can't see the need for them at all. And certainly not if one person in the house is using them to control other people in the house, which is obviously what is happening in OP's house.

I agree with everyone that this behaviour is not normal. The fact that he phones you every time you leave the house is utterly unhinged and you need to take steps to leave.

However, the police may not be much help in this case. I would hope they'd help but there was a thread recently where a woman discovered that her husband had hidden a smartphone in her car to track her movements but the police wouldn't help because the car was jointly owned. Technically he can store a phone in his own car, even if he never ever drove it. I'm concerned that they'll say something similar here.

I'm extremely concerned for OP's wellbeing. He's probably reading this thread.

wantubackforgood

It's also not normal to track your teenagers. They need to learn to take responsibility for themselves. Most teenagers will do stuff they're not supposed to do & that's part of their learning curve. Working out how to assess risk & behave appropriately. They don't need to be filmed making mistakes!!

@EnjoyingTheSunshine

I'm extremely concerned for OP's wellbeing. He's probably reading this thread.

I really hope she's ok!

And if he is reading this thread he'll see the comments from the other deluded pp's who live in a similar way and trying to justify it!! Nobody has any need for a camera inside a house and/or to track a partner (or teens).

Maybe we should all just get our partners microchipped like dogs?! 🤯

I’d unplug every camera and put them in the garden.
What do your family think of this ?
I think it sounds like you need either a discussion about this, or visit the police or a women’s refuge for help

OP - this is sinister and controlling - why do you have cameras all over the house, 8 tracking devices in the kitchen, no access to his bank account and no idea where he is half the time... while he sticks tracking devices on the pram.

Why would he feel the need to do this, do you think he's suspicious of you, or is it a broader paranoia?

OP, I'm not one of the baying LTB crowd, but your posts give me a strong sense that you are not safe. The time has passed when it is enough to know that he is wrong- now you are being told that he might well be dangerous.
Tomorrow, tell one person. You have a baby, so that gives you the perfect cover- go and see your health visitor. Or your GP, or anyone else who can see you in confidence. Making you feel alone is part of the abuse and the first stage is usually to isolate the victim socially. Whoever you choose, tell someone. This really can't wait.

I was just thinking the same as @EnjoyingTheSunshine

He's an abuser. Do you have family or friends op?

Good suggestion about going to a pharmacy or Drs to ask for help, I wouldn't say thrush though as he'll no doubt spin this as an sti and accuse you of cheating.

Please don't interfere with the cameras or trackers yet, he'll just find a way to track you more discretely.

@Tilpop

I have cameras front, back, side, garden. Door cameras, living room and kitchen And babies room.

Every time I leave the house the camera notification goes off and I get a phone call. Where am I going etc
Even if just to the shop for food / nappies etc.

OP you're living through a dystopian nightmare.

You are literally a prisoner; he is keeping tabs on you 24/7 and now he's putting devices into your baby's pram. wtaf?

You can't use your phone or other devices such as laptop or tablet as they are probably bugged with key loggers. He's sick in the head OP. Go to a chemist, let him know you're going to a chemist to buy nappies or whatever and tell them you need to ask Ani. They will take you to a room and let you use their phone so you can contact the national helpline but a local DV service is better. They should have the numbers up there.

OP you can't stay with this twisted fuck. You need to leave. Try and get a refuge place or sort out somewhere else to stay such as a friend or member of your family.

@Kissthepastrychef

The OP is in an extremely dangerous situation imho. It's not clear if her husband was caught out and had to make a cover story. Potentially this has put her at increased risk. I'm pretty sure a man monitoring her every movement via camera sensor notification will be checking her phone and every device. The OP has now reached outside the family unit and is getting information and opinions that won't be to his liking. There is every chance that this will lead to an escalation in behaviour to get her back in line. She needs sensible advice to cut herself free not suggestions as how to get one over on him. Putting the monitor on someone else's pushchair is unlikely to give him food for thought - it will just as likely end up in making her situation worse. Op please seek professional help tomorrow. Go to a police station with your baby, don't call in on 101 as you may have to wait some time to be seen (I work in the police control room). Go to the station, use the yellow phone and tell them you are trying to flee an abusive partner that is tracking your movements. They will find an officer to help you

Professional advice, OP, from someone who probably knows only too well where this could end up. I’ve not seen your other posts, but this one has given me the absolute chills and I feel very afraid for you. Please take whatever steps you can to get away and protect yourself and your baby. He sounds totally fucking unhinged.

@Tilpop

I have cameras front, back, side, garden. Door cameras, living room and kitchen And babies room.

Every time I leave the house the camera notification goes off and I get a phone call. Where am I going etc
Even if just to the shop for food / nappies etc.

You poor thing, it’s like something from a horror movie. Every single aspect of your existence is being controlled by your partner.

I get it is very difficult to break free of someone like that but I hope you find the strength to get away from him. Your life will just get worse as time goes on.

Why would he feel the need to do this, do you think he's suspicious of you, or is it a broader paranoia?
With respect I don't think this is helpful. It minimises what he's doing and suggests there might be a justification for it if he gave the right rationale. "Oh my previous GF cheated on my in my bed" or "I'm worried you might be kidnapped" blah blah.
Whatever the underlying cause, the effect is the same, the OP is effectively under house arrest. She may as well be on a court issued tag

You are a prisoner and his victim. You can’t leave the house without him being alerted then you have to explain where you are going? Absolutely insane and I’m seriously worried for your safety.

I was giving some thought to the poster that said she thought it was less concerning because he wasn't trying to cover it up and this more likely meant it was for benign purposes.
I actually think it's the opposite. It's a very overt assertion of control. "I am Big Brother and I will observe everything you do. You know I can watch whenever I like so you will be too afraid to let your guard down because who knows when I'm observing you."

Ergo he retains control over her at all times - even when he isn't there. I'm sure she toes the line and does what he has dictated because she can never be sure

@mathanxiety

I have no where else to go. I just don't know what to do or how to do it

@Tilpop
Call:

Women's Aid 0808 2000 247
You will need to leave a message and they will get back to you at a time you state.
You can email them too.
If possible, please use a friend's email address, laptop and/or phone for contact. Your H may well have put keyloggers on all of yours.

You need to call Rights of Women for help with legal rights enforcement.
rightsofwomen.org.uk/

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/coercive-control-and-the-law/

You need to talk to a friend and confide in her, and ask her to help you out with her devices. This is hard to do, because the aim of abuse is to isolate you and make you feel friendless and alone. Please, please swallow hard and reach out to anyone you feel might be kind and sensible, if you honestly don't believe you have a friend.

People you might go to in the community include a school principal, nursery school manager, HV, your GP's office.

You can also go straight to the police station and ask for their domestic abuse officer.

Please do this. Your h's behaviour is frightening and dangerous. Women's Aid will help you so contact them, as mathanxiety has explained above. Please. As someone said, he's escalating.

@Kissthepastrychef that gave me chills! I was wondering if he wants her to know he's watching as a deterrent for whatever he's trying to stop her from doing.

I also wonder if he explains all the cameras, tracking & general controlling as "I'm just looking after you to make sure you're safe. I'm protecting you"

I actually feel more worried for OP than I ever have from a MN post

This whole set up sounds really scary op. I’d take the cameras down too. Really you should leave though because he’s frightening me from the other side of a screen.

@kiddo5467

I'm sure he does - and if the police were to question him I'm sure he'd say he was just being a responsible husband and householder making sure his family is safe.
That's the thing with abusers. If they showed their true nature all the time nobody would stay. But they don't. They hide it under a veil of concern for the victim, mislead, gaslight, minimise. Anything to hide the root cause of the behaviour which is to maintain control over their partner at all times. Some use more subtle, sophisticated behaviours to retain control. Some use physical violence. But it had the same end game - subjugation and control over others

Tilpop, you’ve written multiple threads about your abusive tyrant H, and I commented in January. His planting this device in the push chair is a ramping up of his agenda to completely dominate you.

He is massively controlling: emotionally, financially, and even physically, as he watches your every move. You’ve described him as unaffectionate, argumentative, degrading and belittling. He treats you as less-than and makes you feel worthless. You’ve said that he is no longer interested in baby DS.

He has also shown dodgy, secretive phone behavior and lied about being at work when your friend actually saw him elsewhere. On one occasion he made a big deal about staying over while working away and kept reiterating (unprompted) that his mate would also be there. When he returned early without staying over, he was in a foul mood and said he didn’t care about you. You asked if someone had let him down and he took issue with that. Posters thought an OW had disappointed him.

DS is being raised in a toxic, dangerous home. He will be damaged by H’s abuse of you, and H will actively mistreat him also. Please, please take steps to protect your child and yourself by getting out. You cannot seek help or refuge from your highly abusive mother, so follow the suggestions of MathAnxiety and others.

I wouldn't be surprised if, when he asks the OP what she's been doing today, he already knows because he's been tracking her phone.
He just wants to see if he might catch her out in a lie

Eight is a lot! My husband has one of these but keeps them on his keys. I was taking the car the other week and he was going to pick the car up from where I parked to drive home, so he left the air tag in the car to test it (I knew about it all beforehand) but when I drove him with the tag, I got alerts that the tag was nearby. Do you have an iPhone?

He would only see the total amount you spent on any supermarket run, not an itemised list. You could take out a tenner every time, and hide it.

That’s not entirely true, some supermarkets separate cash backs from other items, so it shows as a separate cash withdrawal in the statement. Tesco wouldn’t itemise but I don’t know if it was Sainsbury or ASDA that did, but definitively one of them did.

this is terrifying and has left me feeling so frightened for you.

I'd smash those cameras to pieces. Cut the wires.. if they are hard wired disconnect them.. if they are wireless remove the batteries...

Change the password on your Router.. block his access .. you will see a list on there that will
show you everything he is accessing.. Block it all.

🌸