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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Well, you all warned me ☹️

181 replies

HereWeGoAgainPart2 · 30/05/2021 23:19

I posted a couple of months ago (under a different name, I think) about letting my friend stay in my granny flat, overhearing her telling her friend it was a hovel and then being really rude to me when I went to see how she was.

I gave her the benefit of doubt, even though you pretty much all told me she was taking the piss. When I saw her a second time I genuinely thought she was suicidal and thought that explained her behaviour, she’d been a great friend for the last 20 years blah blah blah.

Well, I finally managed to get her to leave yesterday. She didn’t give me the keys back, said she’d forgot, got really shitty with me when I said I needed them back as I don’t have a spare set (I do, but beside the point). She left it in an absolute state. Fridge full of stinky old takeaway and mouldy food, clearly not hoovered or cleaned the bathroom at all the whole time she’d been there (skid marks in the toilet 🤢). Sheets still on the bed, all my towels that I’d left for her filthy, covered in makeup and all over the floor. There’s absolutely no way this isn’t just a massive “fuck you” as she’s normally really clean and tidy.

I feel such a fucking mug. I lent her money to rent a new place too and it’s pretty clear I won’t be getting that back now. So, yeah, you were all right and I’m an idiot ☹️.

OP posts:
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 30/05/2021 23:24

Wow. You lent her money too?
Please, stop being a pushover.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/05/2021 23:25

Oh dear.

Susannahmoody · 30/05/2021 23:25

OK. Fine. You've learnt, move on. She's done. You are too.

BreakingtheIce · 30/05/2021 23:26

What a horrible woman she is. I just don’t understand why you would lend her money. I would be so so angry. You just sound resigned.

TheMotherlode · 30/05/2021 23:29

Yes, you were a bit of a mug but absolutely doesn’t mean you deserve to be treated like that by someone you were trying to help.

Sorry OP. There obviously isn’t much you can actually do about it now, other than cut her out of your life.

Wherearemymarbles · 30/05/2021 23:31

Oh dear.
Document the loan and if she doesn't Pay it back chase her through the small claims court.

Wherearemymarbles · 30/05/2021 23:32

And i would have photographed everything And splashed all over SM what a cunt your supposed friend is

WheeshtYerMansplaining · 30/05/2021 23:33

Look at it like this.

You paid a fee to learn an unforgettable and massively valuable lesson.

P.s. Have you anything in writing from her about the loan - text, for example?

BigHeadBertha · 30/05/2021 23:34

No, you're a good friend who wanted to believe the best about her. And she's lost a friend like that so she's the idiot. It's worth the expense and mess to get trash like that out of your life. :(

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 30/05/2021 23:36

Don't feel bad, you did nothing wrong in trying to help an old friend. You gave the benefit of the doubt and she abused that - that's on her.

Extrahotcoffee · 30/05/2021 23:38

You sound like a lovely person and a lovely friend. Ohers warned you as they are cynical. You clearly aren't like that. Dont be hard on your sell. Chalk it down as experience.

Original poster
HereWeGoAgainPart2 · 30/05/2021 23:41

I’m resigned because there’s nothing that I can do, not right now anyway. The money I lent her in good faith, no paperwork or anything so there’s no chance of anything coming of that. I’m not going to post anything on social media, it will make me look as bad as her and I really don’t want to be worrying about gossip on top of everything else.

I’m just a bit heartbroken to be honest. She was my best friend all through school, she was my maid of honour at my wedding, we’ve been on holiday together multiple times and shared so much together. I don’t understand the sudden and deliberate cruelty of it all.

OP posts:
toocold54 · 30/05/2021 23:41

I remember your thread. You are not an idiot she is because she’s now lost the person who would have helped her out. I doubt anyone else will ever be as kind as you.

grapewine · 30/05/2021 23:42

Listen, you're too nice. I'm sorry, but after the way she treated you, you lent her money? Why in the world ...

You have to work on some boundaries for your own sake. She's a bitch, for sure, but this is definitely a lesson, tough as it is.

SeaShoreGalore · 30/05/2021 23:43

I remember your original thread. Reading your update I just felt thankful that you'd managed to get her to leave.

Draw a line under it. Personally I wouldn't pursue her for the loan, I wouldn't want it taking up headspace.

MrsPerfect12 · 30/05/2021 23:43

I remember you first post. So sorry you have a shitty "friend"

billy1966 · 30/05/2021 23:45

OP,

Don't waste time beating yourself up over it but for goodness sake learn from it.

She must be a deeply unpleasant person to behave like this.

Flowers
Billybagpuss · 30/05/2021 23:46

I remember your thread too, she was happy to partake of your hospitality, for free, but didn’t want your company. I understand why you gave her the benefit of the doubt and am so sorry it ended like this.

At least she’s gone, you can now focus on people who are worth caring about, lesson learnt.

Theunamedcat · 30/05/2021 23:46

Lesson learned she is not to be trusted i hope you took pictures for when she tries to creep back in and you can look at them and think naaa fuck that

frazzledasarock · 30/05/2021 23:46

I don’t think you’re a mug.

Your a good person and loving and kind friend. You’re ex friend clearly does not deserve your friendship.

I’m really sorry your ex friend turned out to be so nasty.

Can you get cleaners in and change the locks to the granny flat.

You live and learn. Next time when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

SueblueNZ · 30/05/2021 23:47

I think I would be changing those locks, pronto.

Ardvark111 · 31/05/2021 00:03

Think of it aa a Learning curve .. she is somebody elses problem now,!!

Babygotblueyes · 31/05/2021 00:12

To be honest, if you had not loaned her money, I dont think she would have gone, so you may think of it as a small fee to rid you of a parasite. I remember your original thread, hope you can now go NC with her!

ClairKingston · 31/05/2021 00:18

OP I am guessing you loaned/gave her the money to rent a new place so she would vacate yours!? I understand that but also guessing it would be several hundred £££ so she is best out of your life and head space. Block her and act as though she no longer exists. Yes and as others said, if she has hung on to those keys you need to get locks changed. More damned expense on you. What a bitch she is. I don't get why long term friends turn bad, I really don't. There really is no excuse for that. Jealousy perhaps? You are well rid anyway and hope you don't fall for any more tales of woe.

crosshatching · 31/05/2021 00:20

You're a solid gold friend OP and it's her loss. Be kind to yourself. It's been a batshit year and you gave her the benefit of the doubt and she abused your kindness. This is the same as any other abusive relationship. You did your best and can move on with clear conscience knowing that.
Grieve your loss and try to accept that people change and not always for the best. It's no reflection on you.
All the best and an unmumsnetty hug to you.