Well, you all warned me ☹️

[HereWeGoAgainPart2]

I posted a couple of months ago (under a different name, I think) about letting my friend stay in my granny flat, overhearing her telling her friend it was a hovel and then being really rude to me when I went to see how she was.

I gave her the benefit of doubt, even though you pretty much all told me she was taking the piss. When I saw her a second time I genuinely thought she was suicidal and thought that explained her behaviour, she’d been a great friend for the last 20 years blah blah blah.

Well, I finally managed to get her to leave yesterday. She didn’t give me the keys back, said she’d forgot, got really shitty with me when I said I needed them back as I don’t have a spare set (I do, but beside the point). She left it in an absolute state. Fridge full of stinky old takeaway and mouldy food, clearly not hoovered or cleaned the bathroom at all the whole time she’d been there (skid marks in the toilet 🤢). Sheets still on the bed, all my towels that I’d left for her filthy, covered in makeup and all over the floor. There’s absolutely no way this isn’t just a massive “fuck you” as she’s normally really clean and tidy.

I feel such a fucking mug. I lent her money to rent a new place too and it’s pretty clear I won’t be getting that back now. So, yeah, you were all right and I’m an idiot ☹️.

She is disgusting and I promise you are better off without her.

Find your anger, I would post photos of the state she left your house in and tell everyone what a nasty, selfish bitch she is. You sound so lovely and it really is her loss, I promise x

So she realised the wailing and gnashing of teeth had worked, and calculated she'd be safe with a request for money too

Look on the bright side, OP - at least you won't make the same mistake again

You're not a mug. You are a good person, as pps have said.

You should be proud of yourself for supporting a friend.

You just need to choose your close friends more carefully, and invest in people more wisely, but you can be happy (even if stressed when things like this happen), while such people can't possibly be happy in their lives.
Their loss.

You are not an idiot, just a kind hearted lovely lady. She is an idiot as she has now lost the trust of a very good friend

I think she is jealous of you and perhaps bitter about her own life.

@HereWeGoAgainPart2

I’m resigned because there’s nothing that I can do, not right now anyway. The money I lent her in good faith, no paperwork or anything so there’s no chance of anything coming of that. I’m not going to post anything on social media, it will make me look as bad as her and I really don’t want to be worrying about gossip on top of everything else.

I’m just a bit heartbroken to be honest. She was my best friend all through school, she was my maid of honour at my wedding, we’ve been on holiday together multiple times and shared so much together. I don’t understand the sudden and deliberate cruelty of it all.

You don't need paperwork for the loan. The judge just needs to confidently believe that it was a loan, based on your testimony and hearing what she has to say - if she turns up.

Please, apply to Small Claims

I'm sorry, OP. It sounds like a horrible situation. I'm glad you are getting the locks changed as your former friend may have had copies of the keys made.

Best thing to do now is to look ahead, not back.

She's a very nasty unstable women who is very jealous of you and how your life has turned out compared to hers.

I think you're doing the right thing by absolutely no more contact with her ever again.

Make it a priority to get the locks changed tomorrow - there are emergency locksmiths that will do it.

I'm ultra cautious and would definitely take photos showing the date and file them away so you don't keep coming across any horrible reminders.

If you can afford it, just throw away the towels and bedding and start again nice and fresh, it will be well-worth the expense and a good positive thing to do.

She's the idiot, not you because she's lost the most brilliant friend and she'll never have that again.

Sorry to read this, OP, I remember your other thread.

There is no 'told you so' about it because it could so easily have worked out the way you wanted it to. The defect is your so-called friend, not you. You did all you could to give her a leg up and she will remember this when she looks back (eventually). There must be something very lacking for her to treat a friend like this.

Change the locks, as well as practical, it's a 'new start'. This won't always hurt as much as it does right now.

@HereWeGoAgainPart2

I’m not going to contact her again, there is literally no point. She has had callings out with so many people over the years and just brushed it off even when it’s been people who have been really close to her. I’ve always just put it down to me thinking their relationship was closer than I thought it was or her being the wronged party as I obviously only hear her side of it. It makes a lot more sense now though. Her family completely cut her off, supposedly because she was was gay but I’m still pretty close to them, they always ask after her and have certainly given me the impression that the door is always open.

After she dropped the keys off she sent me a really sarcastic thank you test to which I just replied “oh just fuck off already” which I’m guessing is the final nail in the coffin. But, fuck it, I did my best.

Locks will definitely be changed this week.

Wise move. And you say she's run up debt already and burned bridges so going after her probably won't result in anything. Lesson learned - PLEASE learn that lesson. When your gut tells you something, listen to it.

I remember this. It's a painful lesson being used by a scumbag but try and learn from the experience. You usually find there was something you were putting out subconsciously that attracted scumbags like her. Work on yourself and learn to spot the pattern in future. It may have been grounded in loneliness or there may be a bit of a 'rescuer' inside you that you need to work on so that you don't go rushing in to save people in future. Let them find their own solutions. Personally I'd photograph the devastation and post it all on social media where she'll see it advertising a flat to let and shame the dirty cow, but it's pretty obvious she has no shame. Please learn from this. Don't be a pushover and stop trying to rescue people.

Well at least your final text to her showed a bit of backbone at last. I keep the pics I presume you had the foresight to take for when she ramps the hate up some more. And she will

You should be proud of the Person you are. Don’t feel like a mug instead be glad you rose above it and were the bigger person. She will get her comeuppance one day. At least you told her to F off. Change the locks. Block her. Wash your hands of her OP.

Your final message was perfect block the drama move in and remember what she has done

I'm really sorry that this happened to you. You sound like a lovely human who deserves so much better than an excuse for a friend. It sounds like her life is a series of excuses. Sadly, I don't think she will change, and I don't think you'll see the last of her. She is a very entitled person, isn't she?

At least she has gone.
Block her on everything. She's awful.
Then learn from this. Getting strong boundaries in place and do not let people overstep them. Do not let this happen again.

You are a wonderful friend. Don’t let this woman change how lovely you are OP. She has behaved appallingly. Heap coals on her head by remaining above it all. But don’t go back there. This is in the past now, where it belongs. Not all people would react like her, so please don’t stop being kindhearted. Instead you will grow in wisdom through all this. Don’t let it make you bitter.

I really feel for you and the hurt and cruelty directed to you when you were doing her a favour ffs!

I also think @Confusedandshaken has got it dead right. She hated the realisation that you had done better and that she might be seen as your "charity case" hence disparaging your flat as a "hovel" (how bloody rude). I have had this shift in dynamic with a former school friend. I've had a successful career, she chose to be a SAHM and is now divorced and struggling. She was nothing like as bad as your friend but got increasingly huffy when we met up. Would expect me to pay for everything but never say thanks. If I mentioned anything (ie in an anecdote, not "showing off") like my gym or a holiday we'd been on she would roll her eyes and sulk, saying things like "how the other half live". I had to be so careful about what I said that I no longer enjoyed or looked forward to seeing her.

I'm so glad you told her to fuck off though. YESSSS!!!

"After she dropped the keys off she sent me a really sarcastic thank you test to which I just replied “oh just fuck off already” which I’m guessing is the final nail in the coffin. But, fuck it, I did my best."

Oh well done! Yes, I think that was the best response you could have given. Now you will be added to the list of people who have "done her wrong" but you know what? It sounds like the right list of people to be on!

You've done really well, OP. Some people are just absolute twats.

I like the saying "If you lend someone £500 and never see them again, it was money well spent."

Sorry you had this horrible experience. I'm sure karma will bite her on the bum rather sharply.

OP, alm you can do is learn.

I got caught out years ago when.I was flat sharing with a pal.
He was a colleague lf hers that just needed a place to stay as his girlfriend was such a bitch🙄.

Turns out he was a drinker and left the door open when he would fall in at 2 or 3am.

He was a high functioning alcoholic with a very good job.

Lesson learnt, it was the longest 3 weeks.

NEVER again.

You were kind and she is a disgrace.

Take lots of photos and send them to her and keep them as proof.

Some people leave a trail of destruction behind them but it is never their fault.

All you can do is learn from it and not get caught again.

I'm sorry OP but only that this has left you feeling sad.

It's not wrong to help old friends, but it is very, very wrong to treat someone, who has kindly given you so much help, that badly.

Wow, she's a class act. What a horrible person. I remember your initial thread OP and I'm sorry it had to come to this.

@Raspberrysins

You should be proud of the Person you are. Don’t feel like a mug instead be glad you rose above it and were the bigger person. She will get her comeuppance one day. At least you told her to F off. Change the locks. Block her. Wash your hands of her OP.

But she was a mug. 'Be a bigger person' is 99% of the time female social conditioning ( up there with 'be kind' 'it's nice to be nice' 'moral high ground' 'rise above') that leaves them out of pocket and worse.

The 'friend' had behaved like a total bitch to her before she even overheard her slagging the OP off to another person, the friend's own mother had warned the OP, the OP's own spidey senses were going off.

Being 'the bigger person' and socially conditioning has now cost her what appears to be a not insignificant amount of money.

There's a lot of good things to learn from being a mug.

There’s no way she’ll escalate anything- again and again she’s cut people out from her life and just never mentioned them again. I’m assuming this is exactly what will happen here as there is no way she’ll be able to spin this to make herself look like the good guy.