Well, you all warned me ☹️

[HereWeGoAgainPart2]

I posted a couple of months ago (under a different name, I think) about letting my friend stay in my granny flat, overhearing her telling her friend it was a hovel and then being really rude to me when I went to see how she was.

I gave her the benefit of doubt, even though you pretty much all told me she was taking the piss. When I saw her a second time I genuinely thought she was suicidal and thought that explained her behaviour, she’d been a great friend for the last 20 years blah blah blah.

Well, I finally managed to get her to leave yesterday. She didn’t give me the keys back, said she’d forgot, got really shitty with me when I said I needed them back as I don’t have a spare set (I do, but beside the point). She left it in an absolute state. Fridge full of stinky old takeaway and mouldy food, clearly not hoovered or cleaned the bathroom at all the whole time she’d been there (skid marks in the toilet 🤢). Sheets still on the bed, all my towels that I’d left for her filthy, covered in makeup and all over the floor. There’s absolutely no way this isn’t just a massive “fuck you” as she’s normally really clean and tidy.

I feel such a fucking mug. I lent her money to rent a new place too and it’s pretty clear I won’t be getting that back now. So, yeah, you were all right and I’m an idiot ☹️.

You were warned by almost 95% of the Thread. 🙄

You ignored all of it.. but you have learned from it, so move on and trust the collective Mumsnetters, they are sharp as razors. ☺️

Change the locks asap, and and block her on everything.

Put this sorry episode behind you. Credit to you for ejecting her today. 🌸

Sorry this happened.

You can't change the last few months but you can learn from it and not make the same mistakes again.

@WheeshtYerMansplaining
This.

Chalk it down to experience. You’ve learnt a great life lesson, and should not be caught out again.

I remember your thread.

Don't beat yourself up. Things like this have happened to the best of us. It's so confusing because you have a long (and happy) history with this person. You also wouldn't trash someone's place and generally treat them like rubbish.

One thing I have learnt is that people tell us who they are. We just need to listen and step back/away. I've overheard friends speaking ill of me/being mean to me and given them the benefit of the doubt but it usually ends up going sour.

Accept that you've made a mistake and let it go. You sound like a lovely person and I am sure there are plenty of nice people out there who would make much better friends that this old bag.

Sorry you’ve been through this. You haven’t done anything wrong - you were trying to help a friend; it wasn’t a clear cut situation. I think I’d take photos of what she left but just ignore her from now.

Better to be too generous and to have learnt from that than to be a big user and learn nothing. You're the first and she's the second.

There will be other people who would have reciprocated your generosity so don't feel a mug. xx

@Gingernaut

Take photographs.

Remember this moment when she comes around again, 'suicidal' and crying, asking for another favour or more money.

Change the locks too.

I’m pretty sure you haven’t heard the last of her. She sounds very jealous of you.

When tries to come back into your life she will probably come out with some rubbish about you being her ‘safe place’ to be angry (which is why she left your house like that). Or say her depression made her do it.

If you can’t afford to lose the money then do go through small claims.

The advice above is spot on. Change the locks immediately. Please protect yourself from further toxicity.

Also, keep an eye on post in case she has signed up for credit at your address. And check your credit rating to disassociate her if you need to.

ps different name here as well but I read the first thread

My guess is she will be back eventually with a manipulative sob story.
Please don't fall for it again.
I read your first thread. You acted like a friend and a decent person. She has not. She'll keep tugging on your past closeness to get what she wants.
Draw a line and don't let it happen again

Don’t feel bad. You did something nice, and she abused your trust and friendship. Maybe she is still in a dark place, and maybe one day she will apologise for her behaviour.

However, going forward, you don’t owe her anything. Her life is her responsibility.

You’re probably grieving the friendship you’ve had - that’s only natural, but time to move forward.

I remember the previous thread too. Don't look back now that you have got her out. Change the locks and do not fall for any sob stories when she comes back needing something in the future. You are a good person OP but don't be a mug.

I remember your thread OP. You must be really hurt.

Change all the locks and block her from everything. I know it will be hard but she’s not a friend and has massively taken advantage of you. You seem a good and kind friend but she’s destroyed that.

Such a hard lesson. I’d take photos to remind me if she ever did come back asking for a favour for you either to look at or send to her instead of a response.

It sounds like the money was a small price to pay to get rid of her.

I was one of the people (namechanged) on your thread who'd had a terrible experience with a friend and a granny flat. I changed the locks the same day he moved out. He definitely had some sort of NPD.

You are one of the good guys. There's always the chance the person is in a bad way and not just a complete user. I'm sorry you've been treated this way.
I'd try and get my money back though.

I remember your last thread too.

I had my own version of this. I think a lot of people do. It was really hard and I felt terrible afterwards for various reasons for a surprisingly long time.
As a result my DH has resolved that except our immediate families we will never invite anyone to stay as a house guest (1 night after dinner party is fine).

You are a good person and what you did was incredibly generous.

Try and block it out and move on. It's her not you.

How awful, and so unbelievably ungrateful. I remember your previous thread OP and I'm shocked at how she has repaid your for all your kindness.

I'd send her a message letting her know how shit she is and end all contact.

I can only imagine your friend has mental health issues at the moment to have behaved so disrespectfully if she isn't normally like that.

I would try to draw a line under it. Change the locks if she still hasn't returned the key and accept she is out of your life forever unless she chooses to apologise and explain at some point in the future.

I don't know the back story but I feel you have nothing to lose by pulling her up on the way she's left the place and to also mentioning the loan. Leave a paper trail, so do it via text or email, and take photos of the mess. OK, you don't expect her to apologise, to return the keys, clean up, and repay you, but at least ask before you put this all to bed.

Why do you think that you ignored your better judgement to allow this to happen op? Because I can see this happening over and over if you don't gain some insight. I was on your last thread, you were thoroughly, overwhelmingly warned, but you went ahead anyway. You need to learn something about yourself from this because it takes two to tango as they say.

A hard lesson well learned

@Wherearemymarbles

And i would have photographed everything And splashed all over SM what a cunt your supposed friend is

I was going to suggest this, too, if you haven't already.

Do you have proof that you loaned her money?

Make sure you get it back - take her to small claims if necessary.

What a horrible, ungrateful snot!

And take the advice given and CHANGE THE LOCKS.

Make it a priority.

I’m sorry this happened to you, I’m going through issues myself with my best friend of 20 years who has ghosted me for no apparent reason. It’s a really shitty feeling that someone you trusted so much and felt so close to can just drop you just like that.

Agree with the others - take photos and save them to remind yourself how bad a mess she left (you will start to minimise it in your head as time passes).

Change the locks ASAP.

Block her number and all social media profiles.

Be prepared for her to come crawling back, maybe not for a while but certainly when she needs more money.

So sorry your kindness and generosity has been abused in this way. I know when you lose a friend you grieve a little, she has shown you that she is no friend.