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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Well, you all warned me ☹️

181 replies

HereWeGoAgainPart2 · 30/05/2021 23:19

I posted a couple of months ago (under a different name, I think) about letting my friend stay in my granny flat, overhearing her telling her friend it was a hovel and then being really rude to me when I went to see how she was.

I gave her the benefit of doubt, even though you pretty much all told me she was taking the piss. When I saw her a second time I genuinely thought she was suicidal and thought that explained her behaviour, she’d been a great friend for the last 20 years blah blah blah.

Well, I finally managed to get her to leave yesterday. She didn’t give me the keys back, said she’d forgot, got really shitty with me when I said I needed them back as I don’t have a spare set (I do, but beside the point). She left it in an absolute state. Fridge full of stinky old takeaway and mouldy food, clearly not hoovered or cleaned the bathroom at all the whole time she’d been there (skid marks in the toilet 🤢). Sheets still on the bed, all my towels that I’d left for her filthy, covered in makeup and all over the floor. There’s absolutely no way this isn’t just a massive “fuck you” as she’s normally really clean and tidy.

I feel such a fucking mug. I lent her money to rent a new place too and it’s pretty clear I won’t be getting that back now. So, yeah, you were all right and I’m an idiot ☹️.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 31/05/2021 08:58

Change the locks and put it behind you as people have said. I understand why you are hurt. I would be too. I also understand the advice you were given and why you didn't take it. She was a long time friend if course you hope for the best.
She has been nasty and cruel. She is not worth another thought from you except to try and get your money back.

Structuredsward · 31/05/2021 08:59

@LivingLaVidaCovid

FlowersFlowersFlowers

I remember your last thread too.

I had my own version of this. I think a lot of people do. It was really hard and I felt terrible afterwards for various reasons for a surprisingly long time.
As a result my DH has resolved that except our immediate families we will never invite anyone to stay as a house guest (1 night after dinner party is fine).

You are a good person and what you did was incredibly generous.

Try and block it out and move on. It's her not you.

I'm afraid I have had experience of this from family too but not as extreme as in this situation.
WheeshtYerMansplaining · 31/05/2021 09:00

@HereWeGoAgainPart2, some people just can't be helped.

Sometimesfraught82 · 31/05/2021 09:06

Op

You have made your decision on how to handle
And I agree as best solution

I’d hide this thread now. No good can come if it .

Umberellatheweatha · 31/05/2021 09:11

@Wherearemymarbles

And i would have photographed everything And splashed all over SM what a cunt your supposed friend is
Exactly what I was thinking. Shame her. And make it so that no one else gets taken in by her bs and offers her a place to stay. She sounds like a bottom feeder. I stand by the suggestion i made last time that her parents probably disowned her because she is a nasty piece of work, not because of her sexuality as she told you.
wonkymonkey · 31/05/2021 09:17

I would change the locks if she still has a set of keys.

Kaytee76 · 31/05/2021 09:27

OP, don’t let anyone dull your sparkle! Don’t feel bad for the bad things other people do..
your ex-friend sounds like a right bitch, rise above her and don’t retaliate - it will bug her more if you don’t react because people like her crave drama and to make people feel bad.
You’re clearly a nice person and nothing should change this .. I do agree with Grapewine though, you do need to set some boundaries so people don’t take the piss out of you in the future.. Don’t waste anymore time on her by feeling bad - you’re better than that :)

sonypony · 31/05/2021 09:27

I’m so sorry you’ve been treated so badly. Flowers

CoraPirbright · 31/05/2021 09:38

Oh dear. How much money was it OP? Can you afford to just kiss it goodbye? Otherwise play reeeaaalllly nice until you can get it back......and then tell her that she is vile and cut her off.

jessycake · 31/05/2021 09:39

I think Confusedandshaken has hit the nail on the head , what ever happens with her now is nothing you can do anything about , and you did all you possibly could for a friend .

ilovesushi · 31/05/2021 09:41

How horrible! You can't recriminate yourself. You were a great friend to her and tried to see the good in her even though it was in short supply (non existent). I think you have to let go of the money. You won't see it again and it will cause you untold stress trying to chase it. Please write her off now completely forever.
I think in your previous thread you said you didn't have many close friends as an adult. Start making some baby steps now by getting involved in things locally and surround yourself with decent friendly people.

TenThousandSpoons · 31/05/2021 09:45

I remember your thread and had wondered if she had gone. Well now she has and good riddance. Don’t feel bad about being nice, giving her another chance etc. But don’t let her come crawling back ever. Let “just fuck off already!” be your final words to her, forever!

Notaroadrunner · 31/05/2021 09:46

Well at least you got the opportunity to tell her to fuck off. It's a shame it got this far but she was no friend. Don't wait to change the locks later this week. Do it today, regardless of getting keys back. She could have passed keys on to anyone. I hope you can content yourself with the fact that, yes it has cost you both financially and emotionally to rid yourself of this absolute cow, but at least you don't ever have to see her again. If she ever turns up at your door again do not let her set foot inside.

CupoTeap · 31/05/2021 09:49

Don't be hard on yourself. I'm not surprised you wanted to believe it wasn't true. Please change the locks.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 31/05/2021 09:51

I wouldn’t do any shaming, it’d be sinking to her level. I’d def change the locks, though, and put it all down to bitter experience - a painful but useful lesson in not being taken for a mug.

Might add that I once went through similar, a boyfriend of a dd who was full of ‘poor me’ hard luck stories. That lesson cost me £750, plus a lot of time and effort spent on trying to help him.

He was just a CF user who saw us both coming.

DomPom47 · 31/05/2021 09:58

You’re not the idiot she is!!!! She’s taken advantage of a friend who came to her aid in a time of need a friend who went over and above what most people would do abs she isn’t likely to get a friend like you again. I’d just say in future though only be supportive to people who really value you. Draw a line under it and try not to waste valuable energy thinking about her.

hatcoatscarfalcohol · 31/05/2021 09:58

I'm so sorry she's hurt you like this.

Carbara · 31/05/2021 10:02

It’s like repeatedly hitting yourself in the head with a hammer and then acting shocked that you’ve got a headache. You’ll know now to never pay anyone to treat you like shit again, won’t you?

MintyMabel · 31/05/2021 10:09

I don’t think you’re a mug.

Your a good person and loving and kind friend. You’re ex friend clearly does not deserve your friendship.

It is possible to be both those things. This "friend" has allegedly crapped on the OP several times and she keeps coming back for more. That makes her a mug.

GloriaSicTransitMundi · 31/05/2021 10:12

You sound like a lovely friend, you didn't expect or deserve to be treated this way. Chalk it up to experience, and make sure this faithless user doesn't get to you again. But keep your optimism, there are many nice people out there, it's just the shitty ones who stand out.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 31/05/2021 10:13

Why would anyone behave in such a vile way? I'd be falling over myself to leave the place absolutely immaculate for you to thank you for your generosity AND i'd be leaving you a big gift.
She is a pig and not worthy of your friendship. You deserve better than losers like this.

saraclara · 31/05/2021 10:15

Take photos, not for social media, but for proof in case mutual friends get told an entirely different story. You would be absolutely within your rights to show individuals the state she left the place in.

goldenlilliesdaffodillies · 31/05/2021 10:19

I remember your original thread. I am so sorry you have had to go through having your place and your trust trashed. This isn't your fault. You tried to do a kind thing out of loyalty to your friend and because you a good person.
I would take photos and definitely change the locks- especially as she had other people visiting her there.

Wombats12 · 31/05/2021 10:24

I think when you're not a cheeky fucker, you don't really think others are, even when it's obvious to others not directly involved.

I'm prefectly sane and I still managed to let a random stranger and previously unmentioned boyfriend move into a spare room for a few days that turned into months...I also had to pay them to leave...

You got your house back, nothing else matters.

tralalalalalalalalala · 31/05/2021 10:24

Hi OP
Sorry you've had to deal with this. How did you manage to get her to move in the end? What was her sarcastic text to you if you don't mind me asking?