Well, you all warned me ☹️

[HereWeGoAgainPart2]

I posted a couple of months ago (under a different name, I think) about letting my friend stay in my granny flat, overhearing her telling her friend it was a hovel and then being really rude to me when I went to see how she was.

I gave her the benefit of doubt, even though you pretty much all told me she was taking the piss. When I saw her a second time I genuinely thought she was suicidal and thought that explained her behaviour, she’d been a great friend for the last 20 years blah blah blah.

Well, I finally managed to get her to leave yesterday. She didn’t give me the keys back, said she’d forgot, got really shitty with me when I said I needed them back as I don’t have a spare set (I do, but beside the point). She left it in an absolute state. Fridge full of stinky old takeaway and mouldy food, clearly not hoovered or cleaned the bathroom at all the whole time she’d been there (skid marks in the toilet 🤢). Sheets still on the bed, all my towels that I’d left for her filthy, covered in makeup and all over the floor. There’s absolutely no way this isn’t just a massive “fuck you” as she’s normally really clean and tidy.

I feel such a fucking mug. I lent her money to rent a new place too and it’s pretty clear I won’t be getting that back now. So, yeah, you were all right and I’m an idiot ☹️.

Yes, change the locks! I read your original thread. You’re not the idiot @HereWeGoAgainPart2; you’ve tried to help someone who sounds unhinged. Ultimately you’ve lost money and been treated badly but I’d rather be you than her. From what I remember she was in trouble with accommodation and debt (?). She sounds like she’s imploding. But that isn’t your problem now. Sorry it’s happened to you but don’t lose faith in your own judgement.

Sorry but why aren’t you on the phone telling her to get back and clean it up? Stop being a doormat!

Take photos and send them to her and ask when she intends to sort the mess out or is she paying for a cleaner?

Then mention the loan, say seeing as I’ve loaned you £X I would’ve expected better

All you need is her confirming the loan and you can go through small claims court.

I was one of those telling you to street her. Just don't be wet like that again. When people show you how they are, believe them first time every time. Wouldn't bother trying to recoup money from her. It's sad but people change in time and sometimes not for the best. Onwards and upwards.

Sorry

I'm not really surprised, but I'm sad about your disappointment. You seem like a kind person.

Oh that's rubbish!!!

I don't remember enough of your old thread as to why she needed a place etc. But you gave her a roof over her head when she needed it, she seems to have some issues going on. Maybe just give her some time to sort her self out & find her way back to her old self She may need professional help!

Personally I'd put new locks on & give the place a really good clean & air, maybe repaint some walls. Get anything fixed that needs fixing.

What the plan for the annex now? There are lots of lovely people looking for accommodation. It would be a shame to be put off by this and have an annex sitting empty.

@Extrahotcoffee

You sound like a lovely person and a lovely friend. Ohers warned you as they are cynical. You clearly aren't like that. Dont be hard on your sell. Chalk it down as experience.

That's totally unfair. Others warned her because they learned the hard way themselves and didn't want to see that happen to anyone else - you can see it coming a mile away once you've been burned like that.

If you lent her money for a deposit to get her the fuck out of your property then frankly it’s money well spent. Change the locks, block her number, done.

I’m assuming you’re going to follow your usual pattern and not even mention to her the state she’s left it in?

Take photographs.

Remember this moment when she comes around again, 'suicidal' and crying, asking for another favour or more money.

Change the locks too.

WTF is wrong with her? Sorry, haven’t read the whole thread but she sounds deranged OP. You sound thoughtful and lovely meanwhile, she’s lucky to have had you as a friend.

@Gingernaut

Take photographs.

Remember this moment when she comes around again, 'suicidal' and crying, asking for another favour or more money.

Change the locks too.

This, too.

I definitely agree to put a period at the end of this ugly chapter for good. Change the locks, block her number and move on.

CHANGE THE LOCKS NOW!

I remember your old thread. You were kind and generous to someone who was a good friend to you when you went through something awful as a teenager. I can't remember if I posted my thoughts, but at the time I thought of your friend and her behaviour in current time - sounds like she's got a personality disorder (NPD/HPD, etc) of the sort that won't end well for you, being a generous friend to her. Those sorts of PDs tend to ripen as a person ages and become very starkly apparent when things go poorly in their lives. It was always going to end badly for you, one way or another, with her staying there.

It is awful to have had this happen, but I am so glad you have got her out at whatever financial cost - do please change those locks. It must be a shock to you that she has seemingly become this other, awful, unkind person. I hope she gets help. You have done nothing wrong, only extended the hand of friendship and trusted someone to reciprocate in kind.

I remember your thread. I've been curious about how things turned out.

It seems the answer is 'as badly as predicted'.

Now, when are you going to change the locks?

Also, have you checked every single place where a truly horrible person would hide a nasty surprise?
Leave no stone unturned.

Please take the good advice here this time.

Hope you'll get over this betrayal in time.

And never, ever let her get back in contact with you.

Do not help her in any way again.

Whatever you gave her was cheap to get rid of her, IMO.
You sound a lovely person, she didn't deserve a friend like you.

Practically, change the locks. Don't bother to try to get the money back, you won't.

She sounds horrible.

I remember you. This person did not deserve you as a friend. Sadly, I have discovered friends aren't always what they seem. Forget her, forget the money. See this as a life lesson, but be very, very wary who you help and who you let into your life. There are a lot of users and abusers out there.

Wow I can't believe that thread was 2 months ago. I would have thought it was only a couple of weeks!!

There’s absolutely no way this isn’t just a massive “fuck you” as she’s normally really clean and tidy.

To get it like that, she must have been living in the mess for weeks.

It does sound as if she has severe mental health problems and probably needs professional help.

Protect yourself, change the locks and have nothing further to do with this person.

I'm not going to say you're not a mug because, well, you did let her take you for one.

Yes we all warned you because we'd all, in one way or another, been burnt ourselves and learnt the hard way. But as with everything in life, we don't properly learn the lesson until we've tried it ourselves - and now you have, and you got burnt too, so now you MUST learn from it and never let anyone do this to you again.

Yes, the money you lent her has gone. She has shown you how much she cares about you friendship, and has taken you for everything she can - she won't be back now, just in case you remind her about the "loan".

Consider it as "severance pay" - and probably cheaper in the long run to have paid her off and got her out of your life so she can no longer put you in such a position. And yes to changing the locks! Even if she has given you back the keys, there's no guarantee that she didn't have a copy made.

I'm sad for you that our warnings proved to be apt - but now you know, you won't let it happen again, will you.

I also remember your thread. Well done on getting rid of her. It couldn't have been easy. I'm sure it feels awful now with the mess and getting locks changed and the money, but these are things that can be fixed and you can move on. You did great in getting her to move out, so give yourself a good pat on the back and don't be too harsh on yourself. Learn what lessons you can from this.

Are you going to challenge her on the state she left the place? I would because the friendship Is over at this point and you've nothing to loose. As for the money , it's probably a lot less than the cost of having to force her to leave should she have refused. I'm sorry this happened but I do hope you learn something from it. Don't let people treat you this way.

Sorry she's behaved like this. As others have said change the locks incase she had more keys cut. Take photos. Write her a letter setting out the cost of cleaning and repairs and your time, and then the loan. Explain you need repayment. Keep it factual and professional and don't mention the friendship. Set a date fir repayment and suggest instalments if needed. Send it recorded delivery.
Don't expect a penny but at least you have set out what she owes you and made it clear you see her for what she is, a massive CF not a friend.
Then never speak to her again or contact her again.