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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

John learns to adult

806 replies

R0SEMARY · 30/05/2021 00:12

Thread 2 - many thanks to @GAHgamel for the thread title. And to everyone else who has supported and advised me thus far.

OP posts:
KarmaNoMore · 30/05/2021 17:49

I’m surprised that so many people asume that a man with money will be doing his own housework. He will hire a cleaning service and subscribe to Hello Fresh in no time. then will start complaining he cannot pay as much child maintenance as his cleaning and food bills are taking his whole salary

QioiioiioQ · 30/05/2021 18:01

but it’s mostly junk food
but how will he attract an obedient female servant if he just eats junk food and consequently looks like a sack of sh!t??

Original poster
R0SEMARY · 30/05/2021 18:02

Thank you to everyone for the good advice about not letting him pay the bills for my house.

To be clear, this is not a plan that has been agreed or even discussed with me. The first I heard about it was when he wrote it in his script for How We Tell The Children. That’s also when I first heard that we weren’t getting divorced otherwise the children would get less money when he died and that would be my fault.

This is all in his head and of course I won’t agree to any of it. It’s his way of trying to railroad me into things - suddenly announce to the children saying that’s what I’ve all already agreed.

His proposed speech to the children even included information about my income - along the lines of “ your mother earns £XX and has £YY income from a rental property so she is well provided for “.

The implication being that he in some way provides my earned income (from a job that’s nothing to do with him ) and a property I inherited thats rented out ( also nothing to do with him, it’s not even a matrimonial asset where we live ).

Of course it’s about telling the children that I earn enough and don’t need any child support . Unfortunately for him, that’s not how it works. However I’m sure his solicitor will tell him that - it’s not my job to educate him in either divorce law or housework.

OP posts:
QioiioiioQ · 30/05/2021 18:11

This is all in his head and of course I won’t agree to any of it
always play dumb and let him think he's several steps ahead of you, otherwise he might up his game and it'll be more work for you to stay ahead of him
you dont got time for that sh1t!!!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/05/2021 18:17

His proposed speech to the children even included information about my income - along the lines of “ your mother earns £XX and has £YY income from a rental property so she is well provided for “.

Oh my god he is SO UNBEARABLY unaware of how much of a prick he is 😂

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/05/2021 18:21

I feel like you should take the scripts and for fun intersperse your actual thoughts.

"your mother earns £XX and has £YY income from a rental property so she is well provided for“ Not by you FuckFace.

And so on.

MootMoot · 30/05/2021 18:47

The more you post the more John sounds like an absolute piece of shit.

Eddielzzard · 30/05/2021 18:59

So glad you're getting him out. What a pompous, narcissistic, egotistical arsewipe. I predict a fair amount of grovelling and back tracking when he realises what he's lost and the novelty of eating and watching crap wears off when it's just him night after night; and even Helen won't talk to him.

Twizbe · 30/05/2021 20:00

I've been following for a while and I'm so glad you've got rid of this man child.

My guess is that he will try a bit of adulting and then find some 20 something woman to manipulate into doing for him

Original poster
R0SEMARY · 30/05/2021 20:04

@MrsTerryPratchett

I feel like you should take the scripts and for fun intersperse your actual thoughts.

"your mother earns £XX and has £YY income from a rental property so she is well provided for“ Not by you FuckFace.

And so on.

Fortunately it’s an email. So I have this shining example of his pomposity for posterity Grin .

One of the wonderful things about the women of MN is that you bring him down to the correct size. In my mind and heart he’s an all powerful and frightening man who has bullied and controlled me for too long.

But then I post about him on here and you laugh at him shrinking his socks.

OP posts:
AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters · 30/05/2021 20:05

John sounds like me ex who texted me three years after I had moved out to ask why hud dishwasher wasn’t working. He hadn’t used it in all that time apparently Shock

Twoforthree · 30/05/2021 20:32

Surely shake and vac have launched a new product that he’d love to take with him to freshen those sticky carpets- in the form of gold glitter?

Original poster
R0SEMARY · 30/05/2021 21:06

@Eddielzzard

So glad you're getting him out. What a pompous, narcissistic, egotistical arsewipe. I predict a fair amount of grovelling and back tracking when he realises what he's lost and the novelty of eating and watching crap wears off when it's just him night after night; and even Helen won't talk to him.
He will never ever back track. He has never even said sorry for his affairs or lies. On the contrary he says things like

“ My conscience is clear “
“ I know you will believe what you want regardless of the facts “
“ I’m sorry you feel like that but I’m not responsible for your feelings “
“ I know you believe that’s true “
“ I don’t know why I did that”

But you are right that Helen won’t bother with him. She is very caught up in her own life and never contacts him unless she wants something.

OP posts:
Loshad · 30/05/2021 21:29

Well done OP, stay strong, and keep amusing yourself with things like no black shoe polish, its the little things that will keep you going.

FantasticButtocks · 30/05/2021 21:39

[quote R0SEMARY]@FakeColinCaterpillar how right you are. And birthdays.

Don’t worry everyone, his plan to separate but not divorce is exactly that - his plan, not mine.

I have very good legal advice and I’ll be following it. However I don’t talk much on these threads about legal / financial issues as I’m aware than anyone could be reading them. John may be incredibly stupid about housework ( conveniently for him ) but he’s not about money. In fact money, power and his image are all he cares about in this world.

His weakness is that he thinks that’s all everyone else cares about as well.[/quote]

As I said towards the end of your previous thread @R0SEMARY you have the absolute measure of him!! ThanksStarThanks

grapewine · 30/05/2021 22:57

You are such an inspiration for how to move on from a controlling excuse for a human.

Original poster
R0SEMARY · 30/05/2021 23:00

@grapewine

You are such an inspiration for how to move on from a controlling excuse for a human.
That’s very kind. But you wouldn’t say that if you knew how long I put up with his poor behaviour before I actually managed to end it Blush.
OP posts:
Feedingthebirds1 · 30/05/2021 23:14

Dear John

Rosemary tells me you're going to be living on your own now. As you've never had to do anything before now I thought a few handy hints might not go amiss.

Make sure you wash all your clothes at the hottest temperature possible to get them properly clean. The instruction manual will tell you how to do this. Ignore any instructions to wash at lower temperatures, you'll be very unhappy with the results if you do.

I understand that many of the surfaces of your new house are dirty and sticky. The best way to get rid of the stickiness is to cover it with bleach, leave it for an hour, and then wipe it off. This is especially true for carpets.

Some types of meat need to go in the fridge after you've brought them home. However chicken is fine, as is fish. Just leave them out in the kitchen until you're ready to use them.

Sort of like with the washing machine, to make sure there are no creases in your best work shirts, make sure you always have the iron on its highest setting. It'll get the creases out in no time.

If you ever brave the cooker and decide to try a basic pasta dish, be aware that the packet instructions don't specify a long enough boiling time. An hour should do it.

I'm sure you appreciate that I'm sending this with only your best interests at heart to ensure that your transition to single living is as smooth as possible. If you need any more help with anything, please don't hesitate to get in touch. I'm sure I'll have the answer to any domestic issue you're having problems with.

Best wishes
Feedingthebirds

Original poster
R0SEMARY · 30/05/2021 23:27

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
saraclara · 30/05/2021 23:27

I am loving this thread so much. Rosemary, you're a star! I was so pleased to read your update on the old thread, and I love your humour. You write about this beautifully.

I know we shouldn't read threads as if they were soap operas, what with posters here actually being real, but I really can't wait to tune into the next episodes of 'John Learns to Adult'.

grapewine · 30/05/2021 23:31

That’s very kind. But you wouldn’t say that if you knew how long I put up with his poor behaviour before I actually managed to end it blush.

I would. I was on - and read - your first thread. I'm just happy for you and the children that you're getting out now. Good luck to you.

grapewine · 30/05/2021 23:33

Feedingthebirds1 That's amazing! Grin Grin

Babygotblueyes · 30/05/2021 23:42

So happy for your @ROSEMARY! I am excited to hear how things have moved on for you.

I have one to add to the MN curse - may his toilets ever be poopy.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 30/05/2021 23:57

Dear John,

You are precious. That is why 'the Magic Fairies' have always blessed you. They loved the opportunity to fly around your home at night and help the elves keep everything clean and unsticky. But this last year their population has been decimated and they've sadly returned to the nether regions to repopulate their world.

Unfortunately this means their service for Alpha Males has ended. Now is a time for rebirth. AMs must now evolve to a higher level. We hope your journey is fruitful and wish you good tidings.

Regards. Tinkerbell.

PS. Stain remover for your underpants has run out.

Hen2018 · 31/05/2021 00:04

Every time he opens a carton of milk, let the pull circle thing refuse to pull so he has to gouge his way in with scissors, leaving it as a useless pourer.