John learns to adult

[R0SEMARY]

Thread 2 - many thanks to @GAHgamel for the thread title. And to everyone else who has supported and advised me thus far.

Thank you @RogueMNerHidesUnderBigHat

You are fantastic

Bravo on what you've achieved thus far and what I am confident you will achieve for yourself and your children, going forward.

FYI, a perspective on the bloke leaving all his stuff at your house... I know similar narcissistic ass who did this for two years and is only ever going to move his crap out of the house when it gets sold and he has to do it. So yes, please consider being proactive on this.

John thinks he is now an adult because he realises that he should replace the finished loo roll with a new one.
John didn't realise that REAL adults always make sure that there is a spare roll actually IN the bathroom.
The bathroom fairy did not put a spare roll in John's bathroom.
Oh Dear.

How did it go today op?

I'm so pleased for you Rosemary! I was horrified by your first thread and I'm thrilled you're finally getting rid of that evil, nasty narcissist.

Please take the advice on here though and don't leave him with access to your house while you're away, even if you have to pay someone just to box all his stuff up and move it to the garage. You still don't know how low he can go.

Good luck with the divorce and enjoy your freedom

This thread (and the last one) has such a mix of emotions. The anger at how you were treated, the sadness of an ended relationship, the humour of your posts, the relief that you are free.

You are a smart and strong woman and you are going to be just fine!

@BruceAndNosh

John thinks he is now an adult because he realises that he should replace the finished loo roll with a new one. John didn't realise that REAL adults always make sure that there is a spare roll actually IN the bathroom. The bathroom fairy did not put a spare roll in John's bathroom. Oh Dear.

My XH wanted to pay bills instead of CM. I declined. I wanted a clean break from him and not have him holding me to ransom over it.

Please please do not allow him in your home without you or someone who can stand up to him, being there.

The locks must be changed.

Have you decided what to do about him collecting his stuff?

I'm several steps behind you, but, I do see that I am in the same boat.

Carry on.

You are an inspiration.

If it is affordable, I would hire a removal firm with links to a local storage unit. (Apparently loads do! I found this out when my parents moved recently)

They will come to your home pack up what you want and take it away for you in a van. Pay the minimum, seem to remember it was two months. Tell them to drop it off at your Ex's home on a prearranged date.
It is important to do that straight away or you could end up with an ongoing storage bill.

Tell your ex this is what is happening (after the stuff is actually in storage) aka that his stuff will be delivered to his new home on this prearranged date. Unless he wants to sign a new storage agreement with the company in which case they will store it forever (at his cost) and redelivery to him at anytime at his convenience.

But it means the stuff will be out of your home and your ex will have no reason to enter your home without you being present.

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria - I’m sorry to hear that. It’s taken a long time for me to get this far, the threads here on MN are about the last 1% of our marriage . The reality is of course longer and more complicated and in fact much more horrible and painful.

When people here post things like “ he’s a nasty piece of work “ I think
“Gosh he’s done much worse things than this! I wonder what you’d say about him if I told you about the REALLY bad things he has done”.

So it’s been an eye opener for me. Seeing how others see him, when I’ve not even posted any of his worse manipulations and mind games.

But it easier for me to cope with now as I don’t love him anymore, in fact I despise him. When I loved him he broke my heart and fucked with my mind. I’m lucky I didn’t have a breakdown. He did some terrible things when I was very vulnerable, when I had given birth, after my father died or when I had a cancer scare.

I hope you find a way out of your own situation @vivariumvivariumsvivaria. And I hope all the lovely posts here are helping you as much as they are me.

Today’s update - removers are here now. You will be surprised to know that Johns usual plan of “ Make a random guess at the size of the job because I CBA to do it properly and them assume that others will sort it” is not working.

Then he tried plan B of lying “ I agreed this with your boss on the phone”. Surprisingly they made a list from his phone call and email.

Plan C was calling the guy a jobsworth.

I’ll let you know how that goes.

Your last post is so sad OP.

Last but one, I'm a bit slow.

I presume you have "Oh dear" on repeat

Well done, so pleased you have cut yourself free from this pompous arse.
Don’t be surprised if he very quickly gets a younger housekeeper/ girlfriend installed in his new house as he is too important to have to think about timings of deliveries and sticky kitchen appliances etc. Even when he does, you are well rid of him, and it sounds like you’ve got the measure of him.

@prettybird

I presume you have "Oh dear" on repeat

I’ve varied it with Ok and okey doke. BTW @prettybird I’ve met you IRL. Wine, last December.

"Oh dear" is so deliciously loaded.

OP,
Change those locks.
Specifically tell your children that under NO circumstances is a key to be given to him.

The suggestion to get the house cleared with them accepting anything of value (john won't remember as he has so much shit) and delivered to storage for two months is an excellent idea.

As cheaply as possible and removes any reason for him to go near your home.

@R0SEMARY - I'm sitting here laughing at how he thought he could get one over on the removal company. It's so terribly funny.
They had emails and could stand over everything that they were saying back to him as it originated from him.
It really is funny and did he really call them jobsworths??? That takes the biscuit!
Under absolutely no circumstances are you to help with ANY of his moving.
If it's not gone today, it's going in a skip tomorrow, that's the position I would take.

You're doing brilliantly though. Just wanted to keep cheering you on!!

@R0SEMARY

Today’s update - removers are here now. You will be surprised to know that Johns usual plan of “ Make a random guess at the size of the job because I CBA to do it properly and them assume that others will sort it” is not working.

Then he tried plan B of lying “ I agreed this with your boss on the phone”. Surprisingly they made a list from his phone call and email.

Plan C was calling the guy a jobsworth.

I’ll let you know how that goes.

This sounds very promising.

I think John will get a valuable life lesson in adulting from this experience.

I am truly loving this thread, I hope you don’t end up with too much stuff left due to his incompetence

Can you change the ring tone / alert on your phone so that it goes "oh dear" when he tries to contact you?