Page 3 | John learns to adult

R0SEMARY · 2021-05-29T23:12:08+00:00

Thread 2 - many thanks to *@GAHgamel* for the thread title. And to everyone else who has supported and advised me thus far.

QioiioiioQ · 30/05/2021 13:23

@Aprilwasverywet

Before long he will look like Neil from The Young Ones! And his new home sound like their flat already!!

Surely he'll be trying to recruit a woman to do the meanial tasks for him?

Daleksatemyshed · 30/05/2021 13:29

@QioiioiioQ, it will be a nasty surprize for him when he finds out cleaners want paying and don't turn up everyday. Hopefully any new GF wouldn't be silly enough to do his housework, hopefully...

Meadowlands1 · 30/05/2021 13:30

Please change the locks and also give him a deadline to get his junk out of your house. Once that deadline has passed get it all to the tip.

If you don't he will leave all this rubbish there for years.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 30/05/2021 13:54

He'll quickly realise that a new wife will be much cheaper. I would anticipate he'll be more keen to get divorced than you think and will then start trying to screw you out of as much as possible.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/05/2021 14:04

He does love a scene

This massively tickled me. Oh John, poor lamb

MrsRockAndRoll · 30/05/2021 14:23

Your life will be so much better now

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/05/2021 14:35

I'm so glad you posted a new thread, and just in time!

John's plan is disturbingly coercive still but I'm pleased to see you are making your own plans. I hope they hit him where it hurts most, I really do.

I believe more than ever that it's imperative you not only change the locks after Tuesday, but do not allow him access to your house again once the removers have been. He clearly thinks that leaving stuff at your house will make it still half his, and that he will be able to continue to control you through demanding access whenever he feels like it.

So I also suggest, along with many others, that you get the removalists to take the rest of his stuff at the same time and pay them yourself for the extra boxes. It will save you money in the long run because it will only be one "call out" and one trip - and it will be worth it just to get ALL his shit out in one fell swoop. Even if you never get the money back (which you might not), it will still be worth it.

His plan to pay the utilities on your house - just No. Another control mechanism - he might "forget" to pay your electricity bill so you get cut off. Get them in your name ASAP. If they stay in his name, he might also attempt to use them for credit against your address - another good reason to not allow this.

You're doing SO well though - and I bet he is just confused and bewildered over how well you are doing, because of course you should be in the throes of despair at losing him!

Keep on keeping on - get him and his shit out ASAP - then lock him out forever and move on with your life.

Original poster

R0SEMARY · 30/05/2021 14:39

He does do some food shopping ( when we run out of things he likes) but it’s mostly junk food, biscuits, sweets and ready meals / snacks. Imagine you gave your 14 year old £50 and told them to buy whatever food they like - that’s what he buys.

That’s why he had no idea how much all the household essentials cost - he’s never bought them.

I have already packed up half the dried / canned / Jars of food in our house and given it to him. It was mostly his crap but it’s given me space. Plus the kids can see the half empty cupboards so they won’t listen to his “ I’m so hard done to “ stories.

I didn’t give him any cleaning etc stuff because I’ve been running that down over the last month, so there’s only a few items here.

It’s not that he can’t afford some cleaning products - he has plenty money and £65 is lose change to him. He’s indignant over how unfair it is that he has to spend his valuable time doing these meaningless and worthless things that are only done by worthless people who have nothing better to do with their time . Like me.

He’s not too poor to buy washing up tablets. He’s too important.

OP posts:

MyVisionsComeFromSoup · 30/05/2021 14:43

I also have a John-lite, who is gobsmacked that he has to actually do his washing, and cook dinner EVERY night if he wants to eat . And if he spends three hours chopping stuff up before he starts actually cooking, it'll be quite late when he does eat.

Muggins here did it all for almost 30 years, and now he moans at the (adult) DC about "everything I have to do now that your mother has moved out". I don't think he knows about cleaning out the powder drawer on the washing machine, nor how to unblock the back of the fridge, and I know he definitely doesn't know how to deal with the mould in the shower grouting.

He's so not getting his flat deposit back when he moves, is he?

Hen2018 · 30/05/2021 14:48

I used to have a John, who was actually called Jon!

I’m enjoying this thread. Good luck to you!

Nove · 30/05/2021 14:48

I've been lurking on your thread since you first started it and am soooo glad you're making such good progress on getting him out of your life.

It is so funny to watch them learning to adult, I remember my XH panicking about packing to take the kids away for a few days when we were separated (but in the same house at that point). He'd never packed for himself let alone the kids and he was 35! He was running around like a headless chicken and kept coming to ask me where stuff was and should he take this or should he take that? I just kept on shrugging and saying "I don't know, it's up to you." and when he started getting annoyed with me I told him straight that it was embarrassing that a grown adult with a professional job couldn't pack a few suitcases, that shut him up!

GabsAlot · 30/05/2021 14:53

What a twat who does he think has been cleaning his house all this time

glad he didnt get the reaction he wanted from the kids even if it was helen who told them or hinted at it-they can moan to each other about their lives now

LookItsMeAgain · 30/05/2021 15:50

@R0SEMARY - Please don't let him have 4 - 6 weeks to clear his stuff out of your house. Even if you're there, don't let him have this long to clear out his stuff.

By all means buy a huge roll of black sacks and chuck everything you don't want and that might be his into these sacks and leave them in the garage. Give him a month to collect the sacks but he can only come back when you're there to do that so no unexpected visits or moments to drop by. It's a scheduled appointment.
Then, if they are not gone by the end of that month duration, give him one more notification that he can collect them by the end of that week and if they are not gone by that point, they'll be going into a skip!

Original poster

R0SEMARY · 30/05/2021 15:56

@StCharlotte

When he realises he has to hoover again...

Congratulations OP on your dignity, humour and new freedom 🍾

That’s a good point @StCharlotte - he’s not bought a vacuum cleaner yet. In fact it’s probably not occurred to him that he needs one.

Your post did make me wonder if I should take mine out of the house until Tuesday. But I’m pretty sure he won’t take it. That’s the kind of thing that would make him look really petty in front of the kids - taking our 5 year old hoover when he has plenty money and has just spent £5k kitting out his new house with fancy TVs in most rooms ( according to the kids).

Meanwhile I’m here cleaning out food cupboards and putting half of the jars and cans into boxes for him. I’ve even divided up the shoe polish. Next time he goes to clean his own shoes for an important work meeting he will discover he only has brown, tan and white polish. And several bottles of heel restorer that must date from the 1990s.

I know it’s petty but it makes me feel better.

OP posts:

Slingsanderrors · 30/05/2021 16:05

@R0SEMARY
Well done you!

My ex moved out about 25 years ago, leaving our loft conversion full of years and years worth of “stuff”, including 1000’s of professional journals dating back 15 years or so.
Every Friday, when he came to pick the kids up, I gave him 2 bags of journals (and the following day took 2 bags to the tip!)
Didn’t take long to get rid, especially when the kids told me he was binning them - I doubled my tip trips!

OhHarry · 30/05/2021 16:17

I think it's a bit mean not to give him household tips after all this time, poor man. He'll have so much to learn.

I would advise that anchovy oil helps to remove limescale on taps, to give his woollens a nice fast spin to get the moisture out, a cup of milk down his loo each night will keep it fresh. We could have a much fun with John!

OhHarry · 30/05/2021 16:17

*so much

ememem84 · 30/05/2021 16:24

Amazing work roaemary super proud of you xx

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/05/2021 16:46

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

I'm so glad you posted a new thread, and just in time!

John's plan is disturbingly coercive still but I'm pleased to see you are making your own plans. I hope they hit him where it hurts most, I really do.

I believe more than ever that it's imperative you not only change the locks after Tuesday, but do not allow him access to your house again once the removers have been. He clearly thinks that leaving stuff at your house will make it still half his, and that he will be able to continue to control you through demanding access whenever he feels like it.

So I also suggest, along with many others, that you get the removalists to take the rest of his stuff at the same time and pay them yourself for the extra boxes. It will save you money in the long run because it will only be one "call out" and one trip - and it will be worth it just to get ALL his shit out in one fell swoop. Even if you never get the money back (which you might not), it will still be worth it.

His plan to pay the utilities on your house - just No. Another control mechanism - he might "forget" to pay your electricity bill so you get cut off. Get them in your name ASAP. If they stay in his name, he might also attempt to use them for credit against your address - another good reason to not allow this.

You're doing SO well though - and I bet he is just confused and bewildered over how well you are doing, because of course you should be in the throes of despair at losing him!

Keep on keeping on - get him and his shit out ASAP - then lock him out forever and move on with your life.

Very good point about his plan to pay some of the utility bills - what's in it for him (apart from "the fact that these bills come to about half of the child support that he’s due to pay" .) It would give him a mechanism to mess you around.

FunMcCool · 30/05/2021 16:52

Good luck!
@R0SEMARY

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/05/2021 16:59

I wonder how long it will be before he cons another woman into marrying/moving in with him.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/05/2021 17:00

@RedorBlack

Well done OP, your latest updates are making me smile this morning. My own version of John came round the other day and told me how proud he is of standing on his own two feet now. Right before asking me for money

I hope you laughed in his face Redor

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/05/2021 17:10

His plan to pay the utilities on your house - just No. Another control mechanism - he might "forget" to pay your electricity bill so you get cut off. Get them in your name ASAP. If they stay in his name, he might also attempt to use them for credit against your address - another good reason to not allow this.

Good advice!

He’s not too poor to buy washing up tablets. He’s too important

Next time he goes to clean his own shoes for an important work meeting he will discover he only has brown, tan and white polish. And several bottles of heel restorer that must date from the 1990s.

I know it’s petty but it makes me feel better.

It's true what they say - it's the little things that mean a lot . . .

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/05/2021 17:10

Bold fail - sorry

NeedNewKnees · 30/05/2021 17:26

I am very much looking forward to John’s further misadventures in Adulting.

Good on you, Rosemary. I hope you’re having a happy, sun-drenched weekend.