Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I think I'll sign up to Hinge when I get paid and see what's what on there. Am a bit cynical as I've been on what seems like every dating site with nothing happening.

The only site I've ever had anything happening on was Match, but only because I met my ex on there. Have been back on it since but have found it's just full of men who want to be friends. I'm not averse to having men who want to be friends, (have got a really close male friend I've known since I was sixteen) but it's not what I want to achieve from OLD.

I think we will all have to have a big party when I do finally met someone 😂😂❤️❤️

[quote SortingItOut]@SpringlikeBunk Something sexual...he's priming you to be an FB or FWB[/quote]
Oh yes! Can't believe I didn't think of that.

Yeh I agree could be a few things

I suggested we do tennis for next month (as I don’t want some intense new bestie situation and I’m on a particular gym routine right now) so that situation is delayed anyway.

I do have geeky mates who have started off as “dating meets” who don’t seem to have massive sex drives but just randomly do chivalrous stuff for female mates.

So I’ll see if he’s either one of those or if I get a penis pic or something or if we drift out of touch (most likely I expect?).

When I was on Hinge I never replied to just photo likes with no other contact. Seemed too lazy. But maybe that's how connections are meant to start and I was too harsh. I'm waiting to see how my two upcoming dates go and then I'm going back on Hinge so I'd better learn the ropes.

Just binned an iron who I had agreed to a coffee date with next weekend - we've barely chatted, first he said if we got on at first meet we should delete the app (controlling - I'll decide when I'm ready to come off the apps thank you), then he asked me my favourite colour. I'm in my fifties. Not fifteen. And even when I was fifteen I didn't have a favourite colour. So I told him I didn't think we were compatible before he could ask me who my favourite boyband are.

Yes I’m wondering if the etiquette on Hinge is more sending full messages as we’re encouraged to fill out full profiles?

Plus with limited likes maybe the idea is you don’t just swipe but write fuller messages?

Definitely think it’s a good plan not having too many swipes to “slow things down a bit”

@WeWantTheFinestWines

When I was on Hinge I never replied to just photo likes with no other contact. Seemed too lazy. But maybe that's how connections are meant to start and I was too harsh. I'm waiting to see how my two upcoming dates go and then I'm going back on Hinge so I'd better learn the ropes.

Just binned an iron who I had agreed to a coffee date with next weekend - we've barely chatted, first he said if we got on at first meet we should delete the app (controlling - I'll decide when I'm ready to come off the apps thank you), then he asked me my favourite colour. I'm in my fifties. Not fifteen. And even when I was fifteen I didn't have a favourite colour. So I told him I didn't think we were compatible before he could ask me who my favourite boyband are.

@WeWantTheFinestWines he sounds wonderful 😳

I will keep that in mind when I get on there ❤️

@onwardseverstridingonwards hinge is free. The only need to pay would be to have unlimited likes in a day. To see everyone who likes you at the same time. If you are a free member you get 6 likes a day and you only see one like at a time so you have to say yes or no without being able to see everyone who liked you.

@SpringlikeBunk I have found it much like the rest of the apps with likes not converting in messages and most of my chats on there just stalling.

No update from me although I did see a nice guy in the pub whilst watching the football, shame he had a wedding ring on and there was a nice guy in the gym this morning, will remember to go that early next weekend.

Oh and i finally came to the realisation that Computer Geek has gone and won't be back. 😢 😟Can't say I haven't had a little cry when it finally hit me. I miss him and I miss chatting to him. I know he had to do what he had to do but I just wish he hadn't told me he would be back because that kept a little hope alive.

Swiping just seems futile at the moment as I'm finding no one is worth swiping yes on. Where are all the nice men???

yeh sounds fair enough @Dancerinthemoonlight - I’ll not read too much into first messages/initial likes etc then.

I was wondering if with the “number restrictions” people don’t like photos unless they’re really keen to genuinely interact.

But I guess ten (is that right?) likes is enough so that it’s easy for most people to have 1-2 favourites and the rest are just the usual “likes for the sake of it” which don’t really mean much.

So like tinder and bumble but bit more sedate!

Was it just my impression or was hinge originally meant to only allow one chat per day?

Or was that eharmony?

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@onwardseverstridingonwards hinge is free. The only need to pay would be to have unlimited likes in a day. To see everyone who likes you at the same time. If you are a free member you get 6 likes a day and you only see one like at a time so you have to say yes or no without being able to see everyone who liked you.

@SpringlikeBunk I have found it much like the rest of the apps with likes not converting in messages and most of my chats on there just stalling.[/quote]
Thanks for this, @Dancer ❤️

@Isitreallyme77

No update from me although I did see a nice guy in the pub whilst watching the football, shame he had a wedding ring on and there was a nice guy in the gym this morning, will remember to go that early next weekend.

Oh and i finally came to the realisation that Computer Geek has gone and won't be back. 😢 😟Can't say I haven't had a little cry when it finally hit me. I miss him and I miss chatting to him. I know he had to do what he had to do but I just wish he hadn't told me he would be back because that kept a little hope alive.

Swiping just seems futile at the moment as I'm finding no one is worth swiping yes on. Where are all the nice men???

@Dancerinthemoonlight I feel the exact same way with my ex ❤️ hang in there. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗

Oh 6 not 10 likes! So it’s encouraging the user to swipe with thoughtfulness rather than a dive into the SoT

@SpringlikeBunk I’d say give it some time, I’ve found sunday day times to be slow time on the apps, and the evening seems to be livelier.

So I’m really nervous now, meeting Mr Shack on tuesday. He’s been proactive suggesting the meet. No red flags whatsoever so far (and I am literally the harshest monitoring for these things), I’m worried he could be an absolute master manipulator psycho who is great at the game or he is actually this nice and genuine - I’m so suspicious, there are good ones out there I just don’t believe I’d ever meet one!
Every time he messages I’m scared it’s going to be a bad text, or red flag, or dick pic. Nothing so far and we’ve been messaging all day which I usually can’t stand but it flows with him!! He’s not annoying.

#overinvested…. 🙈

Thanks @Shayelle2009 I’ll try to give it a chance for a couple weeks

I guess MrShack could be a nutter/various other things

but as long as you’re not overinvesting or hugely taking risks/going out of your way, it really is irrelevant in the longer term .

It’s just one meet with someone new which hopefully will be fun, and a few chats.

Its good to be excited, but also anything goes awry you’ll deal with it.

Thanks Spring. Nice words as ever 💕 as yeah you're right if its odd or crap or anything… ill be ok!!

Im actually going to screen shot your message and keep reading it 🙂

Good luck @Shayelle! Just be yourself and he'll love you ❤️

Good luck @Shayelle2009 enjoy it. ❤

@SpringlikeBunk

Just had my friend coffee date and he’s now contacting me saying I’m attractive and “if I ever want anything without anything in return please say”

Not really sure what that means

This is what MrWG says all the time.

Lol @VanGoghsDog I know it’s all a bit 🤷‍♂️ as to what it means

It’s not really something to hugely worry about IMO unless I start getting late night dick shots - maybe he’s trying to convey IF I want to take the lead with something casual or otherwise it’s there?

But I’m generally quite guarded early on (apart from my ASD making me enjoy overanalysing!) and I enjoyed our chat but wouldn’t say I was dazzled by his Male energy or would be bothered if we lost touch (I wouldn’t have liked him first) so I’m not really in a vulnerable situation with this one.

Would be nice to have a walk and tennis but not an issue if not

Thanks @Isitreallyme77 and @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards x

May I join the party, first post but been reading for years. I now have some time to date, sadly my mum and sister both passed away in 2019 I cared for them both, the children have flew the nest and I am in a happy place with my life.

So far have met two potential dates one was a player, knew him from school, no further contact - long story won’t bore you with details, second one date then ghosted. Have read advice and am trying the more than one iron approach.
Have four irons from Tinder, Mr Scouse he’s gone quiet after initial telephone chat and is away in Lake District. Mr Aeroplane, been dm’ing on site and has declared an interest just spoke to him on phone, potential maybe, Mr Ceramic had chat and video call wants to meet up next week. Mr Compliance is emailing long thoughtful messages and covid app pinged him to self isolate. Will just see how it goes but know how frustrating, confusing this dating lark can be. I’m quite enjoying making contact and chatting at the moment.

@Shayelle2009

Thanks *@Isitreallyme77 and @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* x

@Shayelle2009 😘😘😘

Welcome just jump in @SingaporeFlamingo

Definitely sounds like you’ve got in with the right mindset with a few contacts but not taking any of them too seriously early on.

Thanks SpringlikeBunk, I keep checking the rules, I’m guilty of over investing too early. Got my bullshit radar on and skin thickener. Hope your search is enjoyable and everyone else is successful at finding their person. Mr Ceramic is texting the most at the moment.