Dating Thread 205 - dusting off the gladrags

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Misty9 I know exactly what you are saying and I feel the same.
I had a shit marriage where I felt unloved and disrespected for 17 yrs, I won't be in that position again.

I'm only now realising what my needs are in a relationship, i had been so adamant I would be single forever after I split from my husband that it threw me a bit when Mr K and I became serious and up until now I've been happy with things.

The catalyst was us being invited to my brothers wedding later this year and realising I'm considered by my family to be in a serious relationship with Mr K but actually its not that serious if I haven't met his family or friends and it got me thinking about what I need and want in a relationship.

It definitely takes time to work on yourself

Heard from Mr Cricket this morning(I was worried as he had read and not replied last night), he is really very nice and polite (I can't help thinking a bit too good for me and I don't match up). Apparently his team won which resulted in a lot of alcohol being consumed last night.

@SortingItOut I totally understand all of that.
It's very similar.
In 2020 we did a couple of hotel overnight stays, a weeks holiday to Devon and a few beach days out but obviously we were very restricted.
Now it's lifting it will be interesting.
Part of the reason I think he is reluctant to go for a drink is because I always go to his, and I think he is wary of being seen by anyone as his exw lives in the same village and she still doesn't know about us.
We've had that conversation and he's been honest saying he's worried that it will spur her on to meet someone and that if she moved another guy in with his kids he couldn't handle it...
We've also had a long conversation where he has expressed concerns that he isn't enough for me, that he thinks I should move on, meet someone who can fully commit to me with living together and marriage etc. I've said i don't want that, and i don't think I do, but I'm struggling to figure out what I DO want?........
I want an exclusive, committed, relationship where we feature publicly in each others lives but live apart? I don't know.....

When I'm in this limbo land i just think now would I act like that to someone I care about....

So I've been in limbo where the guy is stalling and it could be better if I met someone else etc. If I liked a guy there's no way I'd tell him to meet someone else and leave him doubting my intentions.

I plan never to be allow myself to convince anyone about me again, if they can't see my worth it's their loss really.

He sounds a good one isitreally going steady and not a love bomber. Hopefully he will firm up another date soon and not leave yoy in limbo.

@Clovertoast I want an exclusive, committed, relationship where we feature publicly in each others lives but live apart?

This is exactly what I want and I think Mr K can give it to me bit he's very wary as his relationships have never ended well and I think he would be embarassed if I met his friends/family and our relationship ended.

Mr P cannot keep you a secret forever, how does he know his ex wife wants a man to live with her, she might already have someone and he doesn't know.

I think there is a balance between being a step parent and being totally separate. There is a middle ground and if that middle ground can't be found then one can feel like a compartment in someone's life. That's ok at first but not after a longer period.
I got a reply from my fader and I was right. I'm pleased I said my bit, I think it is cowardly to just let it fade. Stings a bit but onwards!

I could really go with some advice about this situation I've got myself into today. I've pushed the date zero back but there's still a distinct possibility that we'll bump into Mr Finance 🤦‍♀️ and dc (it's a park). We've only had one date but we've really connected... But I don't want to over invest at this stage?! He said he doesn't have any other dates lined up when we spoke... I've thought about how I'd feel if the roles were reversed... I'd be a bit disappointed but I'd also understand... What do I do?!

@Misty9 could you go somewhere else with the date zero?
I know what you mean about Mr Finance, it might not progress and you are free to date anyone at this point, but on the other hand why risk jeopardising something potentially good by running into him on your date.

He's just left, thank goodness! Now waiting for Mr blue eyes. I definitely couldn't multi date for long 😂

@Misty9, so you aren’t meeting your date zero but you may bump into Mr Finance while you are out ? I’m probably misunderstanding but unless you have to go where Mr F might be then choose somewhere else.
On the issue of dating more than one person I think there are two distinct camps on this, those who don’t do it and only have one iron at a time Versus those who keep their options open by chatting to several knowing that there is usually a fairly high drop off rate . I agree it’s not a very nice feeling thinking or knowing that your iron is meeting others - or in your case you seeing others. I found that if I met someone where there was a distinct spark I wasn’t fussed about pursuing other dates. I’d maybe try to pop today’s date zero into the pending pile and see how you feel about Mr Finance after the next date.

@Slothmomma

Thanks for the new thread *@Dancerinthemoonlight*

Not much to update from me. Things still going well with MrHair. We did adulty things yesterday and went out diy, plant and interiors shopping 😄 we have more time together planned from tomorrow for a couple of days as we both have some childfree time due to half term and we're looking forward to it 😊

@Slothmomma 🙂

Not much to report from me... just waiting to video call Mr. Bookworm at the moment.

I'm getting on well with him still but still feel a tiny bit awkward sometimes. I'm not used to things such as being complemented a lot for example. Makes me feel weird somehow!

Also, there's still a chance that he might change his mind about me, like my ex did.

Sending lots of support to those on the thread who are feeling rubbish

Hope everyone has a wonderful bank holiday ❤️

Had my date with mr normal/sulky, the previous sulk definitely put me off. Don’t fancy him anymore, even though he was totally fine today. Another one to throw back in

Hi everyone,

I really don't know how to feel right now. I'm in total shock.

I've just had my video call with Mr Bookworm. Let's just say it didn't go very well.

He rang me at 2pm, as arranged. At the beginning of the call he said he had some news to tell me.

I said 'what? don't you like me anymore?' Jokingly.

He then told me that he's been old with someone else while he's been taking to me. Not a word has been said about this other person before today.

I was shocked that he hadn't been upfront about it, hadn't even mentioned it.

I admit I started to blame myself. I do sometimes feel it's me because all the men in my life, every single man I've met romantically, have treated me badly.

He then talked about what a good person I was.

I said 'well, I'm not. If I was a good person, why do people treat me badly?'

He said he ' didn't want to break up with me.'

I didn't say anything.

He then said 'I've upset you. I can see that.'

Well, what did he expect, Saying something like that? I think any woman in that situation, where a man has not been honest from the beginning and has just dropped something like that on them, would be upset.

I just wanted to end the conversation at that point, I knew I just end up shouting and getting more upset, so I just said 'I've got to go now. Bye.' And left it at that.

You just couldn't make it up, could you?

This is the down side of online dating.... and keeping it online, until it’s real it’s all bullshit. Dust tour self off a dive back in

He's now blocked me on WhatsApp. I don't know why. It's not like I did anything wrong.

I've texted him and said 'you need to decide what you want. I'm sorry, but I just need time.'

Oh @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, that’s not what I was expecting to hear from you as an update. I’m sorry that he’s thrown that at you. What on earth was meant to be your reaction? Did he explain why he was saying it ? I can’t quite work out whether he’s at least being honest but it’s clearly come out of the blue to you so presumably there have been no hints or questions about whether you are also chatting to others ? Sorry striding

I'm hurt and upset about it because I confided to him about my ex and how he strung me along, and I just feel like it's happening again.

I just have questions going round my head.

What is it about me that make men want to be dishonest and hurt me?

Why do I turn men off?

Will I ever get the love I want and deserve?

Will a man ever want me?

He's now blocked me on WhatsApp - what ?!
#teamfookoffbook

Sorry to hear this...do you mean he's been physically meeting someone else whilst calling you?.or just chatting to someone online?

It's nothing you've done.

@Onesmallstep67

Oh *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, that’s not what I was expecting to hear from you as an update. I’m sorry that he’s thrown that at you. What on earth was meant to be your reaction? Did he explain why he was saying it ? I can’t quite work out whether he’s at least being honest but it’s clearly come out of the blue to you so presumably there have been no hints or questions about whether you are also chatting to others ? Sorry striding*

Hi @Onesmallstep67. Thank you for your message.

No hints at all about taking to others, no.

I think he would have explained, if I hadn't ended the call. I know it's probably bad that I ended the call without giving him the chance to explain, but I knew I would've ended up getting more upset and annoyed, and I just needed time to process it.

I'm just feeling a bit defeated because he knows that I've been hurt before, and how much it affected me. I just don't know what else he was expecting, to be honest.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I know its hard not to take it personally but you have to realise from reading this thread that everyone gets treated like this at some point, it is nothing to do with you as a person, some men are just like this.

Its so tough especially when you are looking for the one.

As for multi chatting/dating had you had the chat about not chatying to others or being off the apps?
Most people will be chatting to multiple people and until the discussion takes place about multi chatting/dating you have to assume that he has a few on the go.

Did he say why he decided to tell you today?
If the tables were turned you would only be letting the other person down if you saw it going somewhere with the other one.

@bangheadhere40

Sorry to hear this...do you mean he's been physically meeting someone else whilst calling you?.or just chatting to someone online?

It's nothing you've done.

I think he's been chatting to someone else. Probably they've been wanting more commitment or dates, and he's felt he's had to come clean about it.

And as an aside never disclose your past history and vulnerabilities to someone you've never met otherwise if it ends it makes you feel even more shit as they know you've been hurt before but still hurt you.