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Original poster

SO freaking out about my child

274 replies

Redcupcake · 29/05/2021 04:03

Hi everyone today marks 7 months me and SO have been together. We are very happy together have a great romantic life and spend a good amount of time together talking and having fun. We are in a commited relationship so I thought it would be a good time to bring up the subject of my 5 year old son and maybe it was time i brought the two things I love together.

So SO has known from day one I am an only mother and there is no other man on the scene (so no drama) I make my own money and have my own place so I stressed the point that this is nothing more than them meeting so maybe we could progress our relationship.

I asked him over breakfast and his initial reaction was "I don't think it is a good idea, why is this so important to you" and honestly that reaction broke my heart. We went back to his place and had a small argument about it, him not wanting to meet my kid and saying things like "Why rock the boat when we are happy" "What if he gets attached to me and something happens?" stuff like that so it got pretty heated and I left saying, we both need a couple of days to calm down and think, he agreed and stressed as I was leaving WE ARE NOT BREAKING UP.

My question is i guess is what if I go to his place next week like i usually would and he decideds he STILL doesnt want to meet my kid?
Thats realationship over right? how do I go on from there and why does he think we can be together without my child.

I don't want to break up with him, but if he can't accept my baby Then i have no choice right?

Am i being unreasonable?
Thank you

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 29/05/2021 19:37

@RampantIvy The OP said she is in Mexico

Original poster
Redcupcake · 29/05/2021 19:44

Im english but live in mexico its lunch here i think you're 6 hrs ahead of me and yes I will be careful. Hes calling in a min so ill update. He has already told me that if i get high rate he will end the conversation so thats the starting point.

OP posts:
WaterBottle123 · 29/05/2021 19:51

My goodness he sounds incredibly boring and tedious. Even for a middle aged man!

Have fun throwing him back in the sea OP!

CrazyNeighbour · 29/05/2021 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cocoloco987 · 29/05/2021 19:54

So if he doesn't like your response he just hangs up? He just gets better!

Original poster
Redcupcake · 29/05/2021 20:01

Guys im still waiting for the call ... he must be having a good lunch making me wait. And you know what i hope (even though impossible) he did read his thread then maybe he would wise up..

And yes if i raise my voice or repeat a question (press him for an answer) the call ends.... We have to do this "Mindfully" "Calmly" and respectfully to each other feelings

OP posts:
Original poster
Redcupcake · 29/05/2021 20:02

He wasn't up for a call because he said i sounded "still shaken by this and maybe you need more ground time before we speak" And i said no im good i am ready I just want to sort this out

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 29/05/2021 20:07

@KaleSlayer

Are you not in the UK? It is 7.20pm here.

She’s in Mexico.

My apologies, I missed the update
youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/05/2021 20:10

@Redcupcake

He wasn't up for a call because he said i sounded "still shaken by this and maybe you need more ground time before we speak" And i said no im good i am ready I just want to sort this out
OP seriously what is there to sort out?!

Answer the following questions honestly:

  • Does he make you feel like an equal partner, with an equal say in the relationship and its course?
  • Is his lifestyle compatible with you and your son?
  • Has he shown any ability to compromise in a meaningful way?
  • Are you always waiting for him to confirm when he wants to talk to you, what you're allowed to talk about, what tone you're allowed to talk in, what you're allowed to talk about and when the conversation is over?
Isthisit22 · 29/05/2021 20:18

Wow that is very humiliating OP. Find your anger and dump this a patronising arsehole

saraclara · 29/05/2021 20:24

@Redcupcake

Guys im still waiting for the call ... he must be having a good lunch making me wait. And you know what i hope (even though impossible) he did read his thread then maybe he would wise up..

And yes if i raise my voice or repeat a question (press him for an answer) the call ends.... We have to do this "Mindfully" "Calmly" and respectfully to each other feelings

Apparently the respectfulness actually only goes one way. He has no respect at all for your feelings. He's incredibly controlling. You need to get your things and run from this man as fast as you can.
TotorosCatBus · 29/05/2021 20:25

Can you just ask him to drop off your shoes and nail stuff so you're not waiting around like a muppet for him to grant you his attention? This is unbelievably abusive and you need your stuff. If he wants you can just say you won't talk to him so he can go and meditate in his cave permanently.

saraclara · 29/05/2021 20:26

Is there any problem with just going round there and getting your stuff? You say he has a room mate who thinks he's weird. Will he help you?

MsDogLady · 29/05/2021 20:39

Wow. He is very manipulative. He is actually trying to train you.

TotorosCatBus · 29/05/2021 20:47

Agree that he's trying to train you into behaving in a way that doesn't puss him off.
I'm really please for you that your son's been nowhere near this abuser.

GettingItOutThere · 29/05/2021 21:19

i hope your sorting out when to collect your stuff OP and nothing more!

hes a manipulative shit -get rid and raise your standards!

user1481840227 · 29/05/2021 21:29

I love a bit of meditating and mindfulness and all that stuff but he sounds like a cringy manipulative bastard.

What he said to you about you needing more time is just like telling you to chill out or calm down or relax...anything to shut you up and shut down your emotions.

He's awful and would be a huge mindfuck going forward and you wouldn't know whether you were coming or going, if you ever have any issue with him you won't be allowed to speak about it.

I'm not even bringing your son into it because even if that wasn't an issue it's clear as day that this guy is a nightmare!

Meditating for 3 days my arse!

myrtlehuckingfuge · 29/05/2021 21:45

Another saying awful here (and more so with each update). You are being trained not to resist or even being able to counter his utter BS but well done on coming to your own conclusion. I think that the possessions would be best being forgotten- perhaps one of your male friends could help out and retrieve if he does make a fuss about them?

KaleSlayer · 29/05/2021 21:48

It sounds like he’ll speak to you when you are willing to do things his way. Very manipulative, I think you need to walk away.

skodadoda · 29/05/2021 22:10

And yes if i raise my voice or repeat a question (press him for an answer) the call ends.... We have to do this "Mindfully" "Calmly" and respectfully to each other feelings

= he’s controlling.

Closetbeanmuncher · 29/05/2021 23:08

i thought this guy was the one

Seriously OP I really think you need to raise your bar and retune your bullshit detector.

This guy is nothing more than the latest brand of fuck boy, sweet jesus

Branleuse · 29/05/2021 23:32

Wow OP Confused hes trying to train you like a dog.
Rather you than me

saraclara · 29/05/2021 23:41

I'm starting to think that someone like him, all calm and convincing, is even more dangerously controlling than the classical angry man. Any woman would recognise that it's not right for a partner to be constantly angry, shouty and threatening. But someone like this just quietly and calmly messes with someone's mind while the woman thinks it's her who's being irrational.

RantyAnty · 30/05/2021 00:09

@saraclara
Those types are by far the worst abusers.
They destroy you from the inside out.

OP
Has he ever been to your place?
I hope you've ended it as he's clearly abusive and controlling.

Teessider · 30/05/2021 00:14

Oh stop being so silly. Honestly. If this is real, then just get your stuff and fuck him off