SO freaking out about my child

[Redcupcake]

Hi everyone today marks 7 months me and SO have been together. We are very happy together have a great romantic life and spend a good amount of time together talking and having fun. We are in a commited relationship so I thought it would be a good time to bring up the subject of my 5 year old son and maybe it was time i brought the two things I love together.

So SO has known from day one I am an only mother and there is no other man on the scene (so no drama) I make my own money and have my own place so I stressed the point that this is nothing more than them meeting so maybe we could progress our relationship.

I asked him over breakfast and his initial reaction was "I don't think it is a good idea, why is this so important to you" and honestly that reaction broke my heart. We went back to his place and had a small argument about it, him not wanting to meet my kid and saying things like "Why rock the boat when we are happy" "What if he gets attached to me and something happens?" stuff like that so it got pretty heated and I left saying, we both need a couple of days to calm down and think, he agreed and stressed as I was leaving WE ARE NOT BREAKING UP.

My question is i guess is what if I go to his place next week like i usually would and he decideds he STILL doesnt want to meet my kid?
Thats realationship over right? how do I go on from there and why does he think we can be together without my child.

I don't want to break up with him, but if he can't accept my baby Then i have no choice right?

Am i being unreasonable?
Thank you

He practices the "mindful art" where he lives in the moment and doesn't think about the future. As a mother that isn't practical

You've sort of answered your own question there haven't you?

No, it's not a suitable relationship so there's no point continuing it.

@Redcupcake

Thanks for the response,

He practices the "mindful art" where he lives in the moment and doesn't think about the future. As a mother that isn't practical and If he declines meeting my child but doesn't say if he wants to do it in the future either that doesn't really help.

But im scared he wants me but will never accept my child, So i have to break it off I know that. It's hard when there is absoloutly nothing wrong with the relationship apart from the fact he isn't willing ... or is making me wait without contact for a few days until he makes up his mind.

That's a massive red flag for a start, it is an excuse for him doing whatever he wants when he wants and not feeling the need to commit or take any responsibility. My ex husband was like this, spent all my money and never worked and then left when he fancied doing something else. i'd dump him right off. He is basically saying he is not interested in what you want.

@Providora yeah he doesn't always do this only when we have a disagreement, he says .... We're both to close to the situation, we need space. Then he goes on to say "I care about you, you are safe and you are loved... I will speak to you in a few days"

Major red flag.
If you ever get bad news or are worried about something, he'll fuck off to meditate rather than hold you and wipe away your tears.
I am shocked that you accept this tbh. It's fine for him to leave your home after an argument or to ask for space while you think (we sometimes need to put our feelings first and space helps bring clarity) but if you stay with this man you'd never be able to introduce your child or have one with him because he'll fuck off at the drop of a hat.
Imagine not being able to say that you want to move house so your child is closer to their secondary or so that they are in catchment of a better school and him using "living in the moment" or "dramatic" to squash your parental instincts.
I think it's a great thing that he's not met your son.

You are safe and you are loved?? That sounds like a mantra from one of his self help books. Honestly someone in such a deep relationship with self help manuals isn't ready for a relationship with you. I'd be ending this and moving on. He seems to want to control that decision himself by telling you you're not finishing with him. Just move on. This man is not the one for you Hun x

Dump him; he is unworthy.

What a fucking loser he is op!

You can do so much better

"I care about you, you are safe and you are loved... I will speak to you in a few days"

The level of patronising, smug, condescending and controlling (we will talk when I want to) this is would have sealed my vagina shut with the ick immediately. Well everything youve said he does / says would have done that but that in particular!

He practices the "mindful art" where he lives in the moment and doesn't think about the future

In other words he's a flakey fuckwit. A man like this would be an anchor around your neck

NEXT

Sorry OP but aquamarine has nailed it.

"The mindful art" dear god 💩🤦‍♀️

Why you're bothering to meet with him on Monday is beyond me. You owe this man nothing.

He sounds like a douche.

@Toilenstripes Thats the thing i think he means well and he just wants positive mental health but it does also come across as quite selfish at times

@Aquamarine1029 sounds really bad, id dump him over the phone but I have to see him because he made me leave my handbag and best shoes at his place and I need them for a new job on friday

@youvegottenminuteslynn Thank you, this is really what i needed to hear

@CrazyNeighbour

he doesn't use his phone when he is having his 'meditation days'

You know Meditation Day = Wanking plus X-box, right?

Yay! I love a cynic!

Thanks ladies, I needed to hear this so much, I have really let this guy rule the relationship and no amount of good times are worth being dropped for days on end with no contact and no answers. I'll be seeing him either monday or tueday and I will be posting an update about what happened just incase anyone is interested

He’s a waste of space. He needs to find someone with no responsibilities who can indulge his whimsies.

Yup, this 'mindful art' stuff sounds like a recipe for SO saying 'God, you're always creating so much stress asking me to commit to things/think about the future' and generally making you out to be massively unreasonable for needing him to actually plan ahead, which is essential when kids are involved.

@Ugzbugz I can't he has my shoes and my nail stuff for work, I feel like he kept it back on purpose so I would HAVE to go around to his place. I mean at this point evenif he says he want's to meet my child and make a go of it I'd be skeptial because you've all made really good points

[quote Redcupcake]@Aquamarine1029 sounds really bad, id dump him over the phone but I have to see him because he made me leave my handbag and best shoes at his place and I need them for a new job on friday[/quote]
What do you mean he made you leave them there?

The more you say the more worrying this all is to be honest, the fact you've been even entertaining the idea of a relationship with this man!

Don’t wait until he decrees it time to see him. Go round for your stuff and say “I’ve done some meditation of my own and have achieved self actualisation! I’ve realised you and I need to break up —because you’re a massive knobber— so I’ll take my stuff and be off.”

Ah strikeout fail lol.

He sounds like a TOTAL dick.

Good mental health my arse. Wants ages to spend focusing on the special one (himself) more like.

He sounds like hard work and very immature

@BenProudsNeck
Hi, I asked him to meet my son because the summer holidays are coming up and SO wants to spend alot of time with me, with work and being an only parent the only way I can do that is if on occasion we all go out together.

I am not looking for a step father or a coparent I just asked him to meet us for ice cream or maybe come to the dog shelter with us (we walk street dogs on the weekends) something he wanted to do with me but thats something I do with my kid. So i told him to make it easier come with us and be our FRIEND.

I have a lot of male friends and alot of them do hang out with my kid casually with me, they take on a very male role in his life between them. Play soccor, wrestle with him ect... So he has men in his life I wasn't asking for anything more than ice cream and the occasional playdate so i could spend time with both of them without feeling like one is missing out.