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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP just text me from his 2nd phone...

194 replies

MadeForFun · 27/05/2021 12:22

So my DP has just text me from an unknown number which I suspect is a second sim card.

There have been instances maybe a year or 2 ago where I have caught him messaging other women. I think he's got a 2nd phone to cover his tracks.

How do I play this? Text back "who's this?" or wait until I get home and say something? Don't think he has realised his mistake yet.

OP posts:
Eyjafjallajokulldottir · 27/05/2021 12:23

God get some self respect and just leave him

Journeynotdestination · 27/05/2021 12:23

Tell him he’s dumped basically.

OnlyInYourDreams · 27/05/2021 12:24

How do you know its your DP?

lilroo87 · 27/05/2021 12:25

Ignore the message until you get home and tell him it's over and he has to leave!!

Capricornandproud · 27/05/2021 12:25

Keep it going as a normal chat and dont let on. He’ll forget he’s changed sims. What did he say?

Alternatively play dumb, and say you’re phones playing up when you see him later. GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW!!! Especially if theres finances, divorce or kids to be sorted.

FlorenceWintle · 27/05/2021 12:25

Ask yourself if you’re going to leave him over it. If not, why bother saying anything. If yes, then do a bit of detective work so you’re sure and he can’t deny, then confront him.

Theunamedcat · 27/05/2021 12:26

What kind of message did he send?

Is it obvious its him?

Does he have WhatsApp on his new number? Check the picture if he does (my ex thinks he is smart and gave me his "new number" I forgot to delete his old number and that's how I know he has a new girlfriend and that they went on holiday because he changed his picture to them on holiday when he was "too sick" to see his kids)

I would text back who is this and mention it to him later that some random person message you today

LemonViolet · 27/05/2021 12:26

I don’t understand how he can accidentally text you from a phone you presumably suspect he has for cheating purposes, he’d have had to put your number into that phone surely?

How do you know it’s him?

SnarkyBag · 27/05/2021 12:27

Why do you need to play it anyway OP? He’s got history and if you’re certain this is him on a second sim then it’s a no brainier. Dump and move on

Phoenix121 · 27/05/2021 12:30

Just wait until you can speak to him face to face. He might be using someone else's phone (or, he might come up with that excuse if you give him thinking time).

MadeForFun · 27/05/2021 12:31

It's definitely him. It's his style of typing and it's a how's your day going kind of text which he sends periodically while I'm at work. He's just text me again a similar message off his normal number so think he's noticed.

I suspect its a 2 sims in the same phone type thing. I had 2 sims in my phone for a while (for work reasons) and when I was sending a message there were 2 send buttons, 1 for sim 1 and another for sim 2. He's obviously pressed the wrong one.

OP posts:
Nookable · 27/05/2021 12:32

@LemonViolet

I don’t understand how he can accidentally text you from a phone you presumably suspect he has for cheating purposes, he’d have had to put your number into that phone surely?

How do you know it’s him?

Some phones can hold 2 sims at the same time, think they're intended for people who want personal and work numbers but not 2 phones. Never used one so not sure how easy it would be to text from the wrong sim
Blankspace101 · 27/05/2021 12:46

If he did have a 2nd phone for affairs he’s hardly going to text his wife from it! Probably doesn’t even have your number saved on his affair phone.

ShinyBlackBoots · 27/05/2021 12:48

I had a phone with 2 sims. I showed both send icons for sim 1 and 2 and I did occasionally touch the wrong one in error.

bluebell34567 · 27/05/2021 12:50

i would say 'who is this?'

TheQueef · 27/05/2021 12:51

Start with a text to new sim.
We need a chat when we get home.
Then decide if you really are going to put up with this shit.

VanGoghsDog · 27/05/2021 12:51

Yes, dual sim, very easy to tap the wrong one.
But a handy function to keep things separate and also if one doesn't have signal. I have two on different networks, but I'm not having an affair.

TheQueef · 27/05/2021 12:52

@Blankspace101

If he did have a 2nd phone for affairs he’s hardly going to text his wife from it! Probably doesn’t even have your number saved on his affair phone.
You don't need two phones.
PoTheDog · 27/05/2021 12:52

@Blankspace101

If he did have a 2nd phone for affairs he’s hardly going to text his wife from it! Probably doesn’t even have your number saved on his affair phone.
2 sims in the same phone. Saves him having to hide the affair phone anywhere
wanadu2022 · 27/05/2021 12:54

If he's been texting other women before, and has never had another phone for work etc - then you know what's going on.

Why don't you just call that new number from a phone he can't recognise, like a colleague or using Skype/Webex etc. See who answers? Alternatively, check if the number is on Whatsapp and what the profile photo is.

I would confront him, and then dump him tbh.

myfuckingfreezer · 27/05/2021 12:55

Someone cheating with a second phone doesn't put the sim in their main phone. It defeats the point - which is to keep all evidence seperate and hidden! If you check a phone with two sims in, you can see anything.

Phoenix121 · 27/05/2021 12:55

Dual sim phones can be very useful for cheaters, especially if your partner is the trusting sort, but bit dodgy if they suspect something because it's fairly easy to see that it's a dual sim being used.

Saying that, my partner had a dual SIM for ages and I never knew. I even saw that there were two separate coverage bars on one occasion he asked me to check if he had signal whilst driving. I didn't even realise that he had been using dual SIM until much, much later.

Topseyt · 27/05/2021 13:00

@LemonViolet

I don’t understand how he can accidentally text you from a phone you presumably suspect he has for cheating purposes, he’d have had to put your number into that phone surely?

How do you know it’s him?

Some phones can hold 2 sims. So there would be no need to put the number into a second phone. He is actually only using one handset so the number is likely to be there.

Why does he have a second sim? For work? Or was it secret from you so that he could carry on with his OW?

He seems to have form for this according to your posts, so I'd confront him with the text, ask why the different number and be prepared to dump him if needed.

AdaColeman · 27/05/2021 13:01

Don't mention his mistake.

Start being more vigilant, get your finances organised, be prepared to end the relationship.

Bibidy · 27/05/2021 13:02

Could he be using a second sim for work, as you were?