DP just text me from his 2nd phone...

[MadeForFun]

So my DP has just text me from an unknown number which I suspect is a second sim card.

There have been instances maybe a year or 2 ago where I have caught him messaging other women. I think he's got a 2nd phone to cover his tracks.

How do I play this? Text back "who's this?" or wait until I get home and say something? Don't think he has realised his mistake yet.

Get your house valued - tell home how mi h it would cost for him to buy you out, or it can go on there market and you both split the equity. Move into a spare room.

He's a shit, who either suspects you because he is up to that type of behaviour, or he's just gaslighting you.

Move on. He’s gaslighting you. And it sounds like it’s already run its course.
There are some little beautiful houses around - maybe start a fantasy house hunt?

Thanks everyone for your messages.

I feel numb today. We're supposed to be visiting his parents tonight, I don't know if I'll be able to get through that.

Tell him you aren’t going. Stop all this happy families stuff now. You need to be planning your escape. If you don’t want a row just pretend you’re unwell ( good opportunity to get paperwork together while he’s out)
Definitely don’t go.

He must think so little of you to spin such bullshit. Do you really want companionship with someone like that? You cant even garuntee he will stick around depending on who he meets, and you know hes looking. So you could still end up selling the house etc but all on his terms as he's shacking up with someone else.

It’s just horrendous how he has tried to reverse it onto you, that YOU may be cheating. It’s despicable and classic behaviour. I could not live a life looking over my shoulder al the time. It’s no way to live OP. Apart from the disrespect he has shown for you as a person... his partner ffs. Start looking at places with a view to move. Get an estate agent round to value your home. Don’t sell your soul & sanity for a nice home, you will find another one. The damage that will be done to your psyche and emotional health if you stay surely cannot be worth it. Be strong. His loss.
As a aside, have you checked websites such as Fab Swingers to see if he’s on there? Only Sauk g because my seemingly respectful ex was on there too.

Let him go to his parents
You don't need to go. Start packing! You are so right about the him accusing you because he is deflecting his own guilt.
His stories don't make sense. He knows fine well what he's done and he's planned this stupid tale to gaslight you. He thinks you're a fucking idiot.
Are you?
No! So you need to leave him.

So, so sorry Madeforfun. The pain of this is truly awful.
I have to agree with other posters that unnecessary second phones/ sims are more likely to be bad news than not. My husband had a second phone. I had no idea whatsoever what he was doing. It does make you feel really, really stupid. You’re not stupid, you’re just loyal and trusting.

I think you need to do more talking to get to the bottom of this. If he has never been jealous or paranoid before about you, it is highly unlikely that he had gone to such lengths to try to catch you out. It’s apparently quite common for cheaters to deny it and then accuse their partner of cheating. If he refuses then you have your answer. He knows you have already been hurt like this before so should be on his knees trying to explain this to you, not to mention if it is actually true (don’t think it is) he should be on his knees anyway apologising for the dreadful catfishing activity. He’s not. He’s blaming you. Awful behaviour.

This stuff is crazy-making and because you know he has messaged women before, you will suffer terrible anxiety and worry going forwards which will damage your mental health. If he continues to lie, sadly you know what you have to do. I am in a minority who is prepared (dependent on a whole lot of things) to give people second chances. But only one. As he has done it before I wouldn’t be able to deal with this and that would be it for me.
Take time to process everything, you are in shock and this is no small life event. Sending love x

There have been instances maybe a year or 2 ago where I have caught him messaging other women.

Mate ....

Leopards, spots.

Why stay with someone who's cheating or trying to cheat.

It sounds like you don't share any kids (?)

Gtfo before there are kids involved.

As for your investment/attachment - you can be one just as attached and invested with another man. Just takes time.

*become

It’s apparently quite common for cheaters to deny it and then accuse their partner of cheating.

It's text book.

He's got himself a great little tactic there - turn it around on you and out the onus on you defending yourself and pricing you're not cheating .... Focus totally off him defending himself.

He's been caught before, you presumably hasn't - guess who's likely to be cheating.

*proving

@MarshmallowAra is speaking a lot of sense, please don't stay with him out of fear of the unknown, you'll be in the same boat in another two years

Him being really thick would be enough for me to end the relationship alone.

He was planning on catfishing you by texting you from another number but still making it really obvious it was him?

That’s the best lie he could come up with? Hardly a sophisticated deceiver is he?

Kick him out and enjoy the rest of your life without this dimwit cheat.

He's so boringly predictable isn't he?

He gets plenty of thinking time while you flounder trying to prove a negative, you can't and don't need to address his fictional accusations it's a common decoy.

You know you need to go because staying would be accepting his behaviour. It will escalate.

You've two choices as I see it:

First, you can leave. Sell the big beautiful house and get a cosier, lovelier one, just for you and your dog. And embrace a future without that horrible sinking feeling of distrust and suspicion eating away at your insides. Maybe even find a person who knows your worth and values you.

Or stay and accept this is your life now that you've traded for lovely surroundings and substandard company and let him openly seek other liaisons. And in time he'll find a woman foolish enough to believe his bullshit and dump you out of nowhere screwing you over financially in the process every way he can.

Either way you'll be miserable. But the first way is a misery that's very short lived, and actually very empowering once you are out of the eye of the storm and its also one you'll get over a hell of a lot quicker.

He's got two sims because you're cheating?

Haha what hole do these men crawl out of.

Life doesn't need to be like this, OP. Don't stay because you're too scared to go. I mean this in the gentlest possible way but it's big girl pants time.

He's got two sims because you're cheating?

I mean the level of brass neck this requires really is the definition of an 'it's always the woman's fault' mentality isn't it?!

As PP said OP, I think I would almost be most annoyed by him expecting me to believe such absolute rot.

Don't put yourself going to his parents tonight.

Pack his bags and tell him to go.

You will make a new life for yourself, it will be hard whilst you adjust but so worth it.

Don't go to his parents. He needs to know that this is a huge deal to you.
Let him go himself and dig himself lie out of his own hole.

Skip his parents.
Get yourself an indulgent takeaway.

Don’t go .

OP, I've read all of your posts but not the whole thread do apologies if this has already been asked but - who is the legal owner of the dog? I'm not a dog person but isn't there some sort of registration system?

Why is he still there ? I really don’t understand.