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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP just text me from his 2nd phone...

194 replies

MadeForFun · 27/05/2021 12:22

So my DP has just text me from an unknown number which I suspect is a second sim card.

There have been instances maybe a year or 2 ago where I have caught him messaging other women. I think he's got a 2nd phone to cover his tracks.

How do I play this? Text back "who's this?" or wait until I get home and say something? Don't think he has realised his mistake yet.

OP posts:
Spasiba · 27/05/2021 13:54

If you think he has realised then I'd say nothing. Let him sweat for a while.
And be prepared to out him when he thinks he's got away with it.

lilroo87 · 27/05/2021 13:55

@MadeForFun

When I caught him messaging other women, it was through WhatsApp, can you have WhatsApp on the same phone for 2 different numbers?
Just a quick look online says it could be possible if you can switch on dual apps for WhatsApp but I think it depends on the phone. Here's the article link I found: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.gadgetsnow.com/how-to/how-to-use-dual-whatsapp-in-a-single-phone/amp_articleshow/66089005.cms
Horehound · 27/05/2021 13:57

Oh yea this is deffo suspicious and now he's noticed he will have deleted the evidence too.
Damn

But tbh I think he doesn't sound trustworthy so I'd be leaving!

Lovingspring · 27/05/2021 13:59

How long have you been together OP? As this seems to be an ongoing thing with your D?P not a one off silly mistake I would leave. Perhaps think about what you would like your future to be like.

jajabanks · 27/05/2021 14:00

I think I might also say, got this weird message before, no idea who it's from 🤷. Plus if he thinks you know then he'll probably remove the sim. I think you have to play dumb or have it out with him tonight, bearing in mind he's already trying to get in your good side. Good luck which ever you decide, he's an absolute shit bag. X

RantyAnty · 27/05/2021 14:00

Yes you can definitely have 2 whatsapp accounts on the same phone for different numbers.

I have a samsung dual sim phone.

Add that new number to you whatsapp and see what comes up.

custardbear · 27/05/2021 14:04

For me the trust would have gone, I'd be sorting my financial affaires behind his back and kicking him out

Shmithecat2 · 27/05/2021 14:04

@Fluffyhairforever

What would be the benefit of having a dual-sim phone with one sim used for an affair? Isn't the point of having an affair phone so they can hide the physical phone?
Maybe, but both my husband and I have dual sim phones. Neither of us use or check each others phones. So if one of us did want to have an affair, a dual sim phone wouldn't raise any suspicions...
SinkGirl · 27/05/2021 14:11

Personally I would wait til he’s at home and then call the other number and see what happens (can you turn off one sim temporarily, like airplane mode, while the other works?).

But mainly I would be preparing to leave.

Sakurami · 27/05/2021 14:15

Add the number to whatsapp and see what it says. Don't mention anything

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 27/05/2021 14:15

Id call him out "oops you forgot to switch your sim cards"

And dump the cheating lying fool.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 27/05/2021 14:19

You think he is flapping?

Aye.

anothernewtop · 27/05/2021 14:22

There have been instances maybe a year or 2 ago where I have caught him messaging other women. I think he's got a 2nd phone to cover his tracks.

So you are always waiting for it to happen again? I'm sorry OP, maybe this is the eye opener you need. Get rid.

Waiting423 · 27/05/2021 14:34

You deserve much more than this OP - keep quiet and figure out what you want to do

StarCourt · 27/05/2021 14:49

Do you think you can keep quiet until you're ready?

whataballbag · 27/05/2021 15:02

Do you need to get things in a row?

Original poster
MadeForFun · 27/05/2021 18:33

So I asked him when I got home "do you have a new number?" and he looked confused. I said you've text me from a different number. He asked me to show him. Then his face totally changed and he said we need to talk....

He says he bought the sim card because he was going to catfish me because he thinks I'M cheating?? I asked him what makes him think that and he said I'm distant with him sometimes? Couldn't give examples of when. And says he has found receipts of when I've nipped out to the shops on my lunchbreak but didn't tell him about it? Wasn't aware I was supposed to. Hmm

I think it's, can't remember the word for it, but it's where someone accuses you because they're the guilty party themselves.

We've been together 11 years. I don't know where to go from here.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/05/2021 18:35

I think it's, can't remember the word for it, but it's where someone accuses you because they're the guilty party themselves.

Google DARVO.

With a good sprinkling of gaslighting thrown in.

His story sounds like bullshit OP.

AppleSouffle · 27/05/2021 18:37

He’s deflecting. He’s had all afternoon to practice his response and story.
I hope you find some evidence or he’ll keep trying to gaslight you..

AnneKipanki · 27/05/2021 18:37

Wow .

AnneKipanki · 27/05/2021 18:38

Sorry, that’s not helping. Reversing it is what provoked the response.

StarCourt · 27/05/2021 18:39

Yeh he's cheating

okokok000 · 27/05/2021 18:40

It took him all day to come up with that bullshit excuse? Bet he's wiped his messages on the phone too? You deserve better.

hopeishere · 27/05/2021 18:40

Yeah he's playing mind games. What shite.

BrilliantBetty · 27/05/2021 18:41

You are exactly right. He is cheating or looking to cheat.