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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP just text me from his 2nd phone...

194 replies

MadeForFun · 27/05/2021 12:22

So my DP has just text me from an unknown number which I suspect is a second sim card.

There have been instances maybe a year or 2 ago where I have caught him messaging other women. I think he's got a 2nd phone to cover his tracks.

How do I play this? Text back "who's this?" or wait until I get home and say something? Don't think he has realised his mistake yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
MadeForFun · 27/05/2021 13:04

No, he definitely doesn't need it for work.

OP posts:
Famousinlove · 27/05/2021 13:07

I would probably say 'who's this?' See if he admits it's him and see what his explanation is, if he ignores the reply you definitely know he's up to no good

Chloemol · 27/05/2021 13:07

I would respond to the one that comes from his normal phone and ignore the other and let him assume you have not had it

Then I would go looking for it

Fluffyhairforever · 27/05/2021 13:09

What would be the benefit of having a dual-sim phone with one sim used for an affair? Isn't the point of having an affair phone so they can hide the physical phone?

Lazydaz · 27/05/2021 13:10

@Capricornandproud

Keep it going as a normal chat and dont let on. He’ll forget he’s changed sims. What did he say?

Alternatively play dumb, and say you’re phones playing up when you see him later. GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW!!! Especially if theres finances, divorce or kids to be sorted.

Yes prepare
ELCSPlease · 27/05/2021 13:10

@Fluffyhairforever

What would be the benefit of having a dual-sim phone with one sim used for an affair? Isn't the point of having an affair phone so they can hide the physical phone?
But this way he doesn't need to hide anything.

He could essentially be sat texting OW while he's with the OP and she'd be none the wiser.

HollowTalk · 27/05/2021 13:12

@Fluffyhairforever

What would be the benefit of having a dual-sim phone with one sim used for an affair? Isn't the point of having an affair phone so they can hide the physical phone?
Obviously it's so that they only have one phone and it doesn't look suspicious, but they can actually use one sim for legit reasons and the other for all the private stuff that their partner wouldn't like them to do.
Original poster
MadeForFun · 27/05/2021 13:13

I'm getting Facebook messages now....

Thank you all for your replies, everyone. I think I'll wait and see what he says when I get home.

OP posts:
Sittingonabench · 27/05/2021 13:13

So sorry your going through this for a second time! Get financial papers in order. Say somethings come up and you have to go to your mothers for the night. Don’t mention message. You will be able to tell from his body language when you see him whether he’s got a guilty conscience. Ready yourself for denials, gaslighting and apologies but in this moment of clarity before all of that happens think of things that get you through bad times - there’s a really nice thread about sayings that have helped people. One was “this too shall pass, it may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass”. I liked that one.

HollowTalk · 27/05/2021 13:13

I'd reply with, "Sorry, who's this? Your number's not in my phone" and see what he comes back with.

BorderlineHappy · 27/05/2021 13:15

@Who are you getting FB messages from @MadeForFun

bigbaggyeyes · 27/05/2021 13:22

I'd ignore it for the time being, and then try and bluff the truth out of him later. Don't bother trying to get his phone. He'll have removed the sim before getting home.

GroggyLegs · 27/05/2021 13:24

I'm with you OP, say nothing & see what he does when he gets in.

I predict he'll be flustered with excuses a go-go; maybe something like... he text you off a friend's phone because his wasn't working, but he was rushing so forgot to put his name on it, then his own phone was working again and blah blah blah. And when you call bullshit he'll go off on one.

No point texting the cheat sim IMO.

Phoenix121 · 27/05/2021 13:25

Just for info, my partner had two hiding places, that I know of, for a SIM: under the carpet where it meets the gripper next to the skirting board, and in a split in the lining of the underneath of the recliner sofa.

Cosmos45 · 27/05/2021 13:26

What are the Facebook messages?

AnneKipanki · 27/05/2021 13:37

Are the messages for you ?

Original poster
MadeForFun · 27/05/2021 13:44

It's just generic messages and pictures of our dog on Facebook.. 4 messages in the space of an hour when he knows I have regular meetings throughout the day. It just seems like he's nervous? I dunno.

OP posts:
messybun101 · 27/05/2021 13:45

I wouldn't rush the 'who's this' message. Not if you want the element of surprise when he gets home

bluebell34567 · 27/05/2021 13:46

yeah, he seems nervous. interesting isnt it?

messybun101 · 27/05/2021 13:47

Nervous sounds like the right term op

Almost like he's realised he's messaged from the wrong sim and is trying to see if you've picked up on it yet?

Original poster
MadeForFun · 27/05/2021 13:50

We've both got Andriods so the messages between us come up "delivered", "read" etc. So he will know I've seen the message.

OP posts:
Phoenix121 · 27/05/2021 13:52

@MadeForFun

It's just generic messages and pictures of our dog on Facebook.. 4 messages in the space of an hour when he knows I have regular meetings throughout the day. It just seems like he's nervous? I dunno.
That sounds so familiar, OP. It's sounds exactly like the behaviour I picked up on with my partner. A flurry of 'funny' messages coinciding with moments where I might have caught him out. Easily distinguishable from normal messaging, with the benefit of hindsight.
Noshowlomo · 27/05/2021 13:53

Yes he’s shitting himself now

Original poster
MadeForFun · 27/05/2021 13:53

When I caught him messaging other women, it was through WhatsApp, can you have WhatsApp on the same phone for 2 different numbers?

OP posts:
Castlepeak · 27/05/2021 13:53

This is collect your documents and contact a solicitor
Or
You decide to work through it for the kids and start marriage counseling

Your pick

I would call your choice now and get an appointment set up.