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Original poster

Opinions on Boyfriend situation

289 replies

bluelight274 · 22/05/2021 19:47

So I've been seeing someone for 5/6 months long distance. I'm pretty easy going & have NEVER before even remotely questioned bf about anything. Last night I sent him a message in the early eve & thought it was strange that there was only one grey tick on WhatsApp as he always has signal at home. He also usually goes to bed between 9:30-10pm like clockwork, but responded to my message at 10:30pm. (On Day 1 of period, so might have been unreasonable)
Me: Did you go on a date?
Him: What?
Me: it seems like your phone was switched off from early evening.
Him: 🤣🤣🤣
It was charging but on
Me: cat meme saying "fine"
Him: meme saying "you're crazy"
Me: Lol. My text didn't go through until now! It showed up as one tick all evening.
Him: And?
Me: Well it happened to be prime date time 😬
Him: another meme saying "omg, you're really crazy"
Goodnight....
Me: No kiss? 😢
Him: Nope
Never again

He usually texts good morning, nothing this morning, so I texted around midday:
Me: Hey are you ignoring me
Him: yes
Me: why?
Him: you need to find someone closer to you. I can do bullshit.
Me: ?
What bullshit
Him: reposted my msg about his phone being switched off
Me: Ohhh ok. So I sent you a message early evening. And it showed one grey tick all evening until you texted me back at 10pm. Which is very unusual because it always goes to 2 grey ticks to say it’s delivered. There are only 2 reasons for that, one is the person’s phone is switched off, or 2. They’re out of network. So as I have a tendency to catastrophise, I assumed the worst & asked you. You said you didn’t (well, you called me crazy) I believed you & asked for a kiss, you said never & that was it.
So I think there are network problems in your area. Sorry for asking, & telling you what I was thinking. It’s not a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on me.
Him: I am Not going to be on the end of your suspicions etc......I will not explain myself to anyone (been there done that) .....
So I thinks it's best if u find someone closer to u who has more time to give u etc
....
Me: But I’m not a suspicious person. I’m really sorry for asking. It was one silly wobble in all the time I’ve known you, & I believed you & let it go straight away when you told me.
I thought we were joking about it!!
Him: No it wasn't jokes and u know it
Me: I was just saying “please reassure me” & you blew up?!
Him: I didn't blow up .....I just thought I am not in the mood for this shit 🤷

OP posts:
leeds2glasgow · 23/05/2021 02:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

1forAll74 · 23/05/2021 02:58

Good grief, what a ridiculous situation. Can't you live without all this texting stuff all the time. This would drive me mad, People need a bit of peace and quiet some times.

unwuthering · 23/05/2021 03:05

@bluelight274

I just texted a one line apology with the intention of leaving him be & he replied that he had met someone else & wished me well!!!! Can't think straight right now.
Oh, buelight. That's awful. It is good to know your instincts are working well and you are not paranoid, but a miserable outcome for you. But then, best in the long run, as he is a sneaky little shit, in my view.

I do wish people would press "see all" though. This is such a sad update.

Onthedunes · 23/05/2021 03:07

Why would op lie about being dumped, the wording of their whole conversation (which is why I think posters think she is crazy, because she wrote it down, word for word) was basically a Dear John letter in text form.

People, especially younger ones do watch for the grey ticks, seen it millions of times on here, has he blocked me, is he ignoring me etc etc.

If anyones partner on here who was in daily contact, up to that point had been exchanging loving calls and messages was met with that conversation they would be devastated.
He turned on her, was mocking and cruel and basically accused her of being an obsesed bunnyboiler, I can only assume this must have been horrible considering he texted her loving goodnights and morning messages every day.

You are not mad op, no one should speak to you like that, it was unnessary and a horrible way to be dumped.
Better luck next time.

Flowers
skybluee · 23/05/2021 03:09

OP,
While I wouldn't have broken up with someone over this I would've struggled with it. In the past I was in a relationship with someone who went crazy if I didn't reply fast and it was very difficult, it led to a lot of guilt and stress for me. My ex didn't get angry but I suppose it was more like emotional blackmail/saying I didn't care if I didn't drop everything and reply straight away. It's no way to live and I was very unhappy.

I'm wondering if he's been through something similar, judging by his 'never again' comment an the 'been there, done that' comment about justifying himself to people.

Just try to learn from it - it would've been better if you'd simply said - 'is everything OK, my message didn't seem to go through' instead of 'joking' around asking if he'd been on a date and then the explanation about the ticks which honestly would've worried me.

I find the whole tick thing and being able to see status of msgs really unhelpful and too much - preferred it when it was just SMS.

It was kind of offensive to accuse him of being on a date but personally I feel for someone to end it over this, it must've been going wrong anyway or they weren't sure.

Anyway, I hope you are OK and like I said just try to learn from it.

skybluee · 23/05/2021 03:10

I also agree that he hasn't met someone else, he's said that to try to draw a line under it and get it all to stop.

CJsGoldfish · 23/05/2021 03:11

The thing is that the OP knew something was wrong. She started this thread today and now he's admitting he's met someone else. She was right

Nah.
The thread didn't go her way because her behaviour was completely ridiculous.
There was no other ending than she came up with to turn it back around to where people were sympathising with her.
Utterly predictable 🥱

PinkSatinMoon · 23/05/2021 03:12

@CJsGoldfish

The thing is that the OP knew something was wrong. She started this thread today and now he's admitting he's met someone else. She was right

Nah.
The thread didn't go her way because her behaviour was completely ridiculous.
There was no other ending than she came up with to turn it back around to where people were sympathising with her.
Utterly predictable 🥱

or perhaps OP being proven correct has disappointed all those disbelievers 🌸

Onthedunes · 23/05/2021 03:19

It's quite obvious that op's partner was dumping her during the text, what difference does it matter if he has or has not met someone.

He was dumping her during the conversation, he didn't dump her just because she made a joke about him being unavailable and on a date the previous evening.
He had every intention before she texted to end the relationship.

PinkSatinMoon · 23/05/2021 03:35

@Onthedunes

It's quite obvious that op's partner was dumping her during the text, what difference does it matter if he has or has not met someone.

He was dumping her during the conversation, he didn't dump her just because she made a joke about him being unavailable and on a date the previous evening.
He had every intention before she texted to end the relationship.

I agree with this.. 🌸

Onthedunes · 23/05/2021 03:36

@skybluee

I also agree that he hasn't met someone else, he's said that to try to draw a line under it and get it all to stop.
Draw a line under it .....up until that point he was fully invested and equally passionate about their relationship.

She wasn't his stalker she was his girlfriend.

user1481840227 · 23/05/2021 03:36

@SimonedeBeauvoirscat

He sounds like an emotionally mature person who is aware of and able to assert his own boundaries.

If what he said sounds totally alien to you then I’d suggest kindly that you need to do some personal emotional work on yourself? Your reaction was unhealthy and it would help to explore why - your motivations and past experiences.

I’m not putting the boot in, honestly. But I think the person who needs your attention right now is you.

I disagree that he sounds emotionally mature.

An emotionally mature person wouldn't say the words "you're crazy" like that. They would assert their boundaries in a mature way, people can be anxious in relationships or jealous or need reassuring and an emotionally mature person who got that message would realise that the other person was anxious/in need of reassurance etc. and then if they decided nope I am not going to deal with that going forward they would be able to express that in an adult mature way!

In my experience emotionally mature people don't use terms like "you're crazy" at all!

Onthedunes · 23/05/2021 03:50

Again I reiterate...

He had every intention of ending the relationship BEFORE she even sent him that goodnight message.

CJsGoldfish · 23/05/2021 04:49

or perhaps OP being proven correct has disappointed all those disbelievers

Nah. Considering the OPs craziness more likely the last straw. Do you really think someone who acted like that over one 'unseen' message hasn't given off any other needy vibes? Probably the only thing he could say that would have her back off and accept it is over because she certainly hadn't before that.

She wasn't his stalker she was his girlfriend
Was she though? He ended it and she couldn't accept it because apparently it was only 'one' incident. Not likely given that messaging and OPs inability to see how ridiculous she was

custardbear · 23/05/2021 05:15

Sorry OP but if I was him I'd be hurt you were asking if I was cheating, but also a bit 👀 as to your conclusion jumping over a bloody text delivery - it does shriek of bat crap needy
I also think maybe this is the straw that broke the camels back 🤔

Sunflower1970 · 23/05/2021 05:27

I would run for the hills if I was him. He ha s probably had a snapshot of what his life would be like if he moved closer to you …

Saltyslug · 23/05/2021 05:50

If my partner asked me if I was on a date and made a big thing out of the ticks I’d be cross and concerned that they were some kind of irrational bunny boiler. You could have asked him if he’s had a nice night? There’s 101 reasons for a single tick

Saltyslug · 23/05/2021 05:52

He’s probably winding you up

Saltyslug · 23/05/2021 05:53

Or you sensed something was going on and that’s why you said it? It not the sort of thing people say in trusting relationships

Thighdentitycrisis · 23/05/2021 06:14

He’s right

MoppaSprings · 23/05/2021 06:28

If I was the boyfriend it would be a red flag, and I would certainly think if I wanted to continue the relationship, especially one that is very early on and long distance.

sammylady37 · 23/05/2021 06:29

@Mango101

I'm with you OP. He should have picked up you were feeling needy and explained/reassured.

His response was either a bit suspicious or rather cruel.

Nope. It’s not his role to pander to this degree of neediness or insecurity. The op is using the well-worn excuse of ‘I have trust issues from a previous relationship’ to justify her behaviour but it’s not right of her to make a new man pay for the actions of an old one.

If she posted here from the point of view of the boyfriend, saying that her phone had died/charger was broken and when she turned it back on there were messages from her bf accusing her of being on a date because there was only one grey tick, etc every single poster here would be telling her that this was the start of controlling coercive behaviour. Thankfully for this man’s sake, he has seen it for what it is and has hotfooted it out of dodge.

sammylady37 · 23/05/2021 06:32

@HoppingPavlova

I doubt he has met someone. I think he said that to try and stop you contacting him. You crossed a line with batshit behaviour, he told you it wasn’t acceptable and he was done and you are over. After that you kept contacting him. He kept telling you it was over. You contacted him again. I think he’s told you he is with someone else in a desperate attempt to stop you contacting him yet again, it’s the lesser evil. If someone sent me that text it would be over the second I read it. Now though you will feel justified in your unhinged behaviour.
Couldn’t agree more. Buy the op has a crowd cheer-leading on here telling her she was right. Batshit behaviour, but very worrying and doesn’t bode well for the op’s future.
CutieBear · 23/05/2021 06:37

If you text early evening (5-6pm?) and he didn’t reply until 10.30pm then I’d assume he’s not that into you. However, you should’ve rang a couple of hours later if you really wanted to talk to him. I’d be pissed off too if I was accused of cheating when I was innocent. Your reply about the ticks and the begging in the essay-length message sounds deranged.

CutieBear · 23/05/2021 06:40

Oh just read your updates. He was being defensive as he cheated on you.

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