Opinions on Boyfriend situation

[bluelight274]

So I've been seeing someone for 5/6 months long distance. I'm pretty easy going & have NEVER before even remotely questioned bf about anything. Last night I sent him a message in the early eve & thought it was strange that there was only one grey tick on WhatsApp as he always has signal at home. He also usually goes to bed between 9:30-10pm like clockwork, but responded to my message at 10:30pm. (On Day 1 of period, so might have been unreasonable)
Me: Did you go on a date?
Him: What?
Me: it seems like your phone was switched off from early evening.
Him: 🤣🤣🤣
It was charging but on
Me: cat meme saying "fine"
Him: meme saying "you're crazy"
Me: Lol. My text didn't go through until now! It showed up as one tick all evening.
Him: And?
Me: Well it happened to be prime date time 😬
Him: another meme saying "omg, you're really crazy"
Goodnight....
Me: No kiss? 😢
Him: Nope
Never again

He usually texts good morning, nothing this morning, so I texted around midday:
Me: Hey are you ignoring me
Him: yes
Me: why?
Him: you need to find someone closer to you. I can do bullshit.
Me: ?
What bullshit
Him: reposted my msg about his phone being switched off
Me: Ohhh ok. So I sent you a message early evening. And it showed one grey tick all evening until you texted me back at 10pm. Which is very unusual because it always goes to 2 grey ticks to say it’s delivered. There are only 2 reasons for that, one is the person’s phone is switched off, or 2. They’re out of network. So as I have a tendency to catastrophise, I assumed the worst & asked you. You said you didn’t (well, you called me crazy) I believed you & asked for a kiss, you said never & that was it.
So I think there are network problems in your area. Sorry for asking, & telling you what I was thinking. It’s not a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on me.
Him: I am Not going to be on the end of your suspicions etc......I will not explain myself to anyone (been there done that) .....
So I thinks it's best if u find someone closer to u who has more time to give u etc
....
Me: But I’m not a suspicious person. I’m really sorry for asking. It was one silly wobble in all the time I’ve known you, & I believed you & let it go straight away when you told me.
I thought we were joking about it!!
Him: No it wasn't jokes and u know it
Me: I was just saying “please reassure me” & you blew up?!
Him: I didn't blow up .....I just thought I am not in the mood for this shit 🤷

Ok, I accept consensus: it is enough to end a relationship over. Feel so so stupid now.

Honestly I don’t blame him, I wouldn’t want to put up with that BS either. You should’ve let it go when he said his phone was charging.

You know it was unreasonable to jump to that conclusion so quickly but you did apologise, a lot of us have wobbles but you learn from it. He was very quick to end it which makes me think he was looking for a way out anyway, he's probably right in that a closer relationship would be best.

This is a red flag. From you.

If this was flipped on its head and you'd posted that he had asked that, we'd all tell you it was a red flag.

You accused him of cheating because he didn’t reply to your message fast enough? You sound like hard work.

I think I would have been pissed off if accused of cheating.

Yeah, sorry OP. I don't want to pile on and I know you say it was just a blip in your judgement but I would be alarmed if a relatively new boyfriend accused me of cheating because a message didn't go through, not even because I ignored it.

I would learn from this how to get reassurance in a less accusatory way if something like this comes up again.

I'm with you - you sound crazy

No it wasn't that he didn't reply fast enough. It was that the message didn't go through when he always has signal at his house and usually texts goodnight between 9-9:30.

Ugh! Can't believe I messed up so badly!!

@bluelight274

Ok, I accept consensus: it is enough to end a relationship over. Feel so so stupid now.

Yes, you're not too long into a long distance relationship, perhaps said in passing then I would let it go but the conversation that follows makes you appear very needy. I'm not sure how old you are but it all sounds very teenage.

I’m sorry OP, clearly it was a moment of madness from you but I think you need to learn from this going forward.

Yeah fair play to him

Maybe his was phone was off, because he was with someone else. He then concocted this argument in order to to dump you - but made it your fault. Clever.......

@bluelight274

I realise I was being silly and hormonal and I did apologise. He has every right to be annoyed, but to end it?

I would 🤷‍♀️

You sounded quite mad! He is probably running for the hills. Sorry!

I think it was unfair of you to accuse him like that OP. I also think he was a bit shitty to just pull the plug on you like that with. If a new partner accused me like that I wouldn't immediately pull the plug, I would try and find out what was wrong, why they were feeling so insecure and get to the bottom of the issue. I would decide what to do next based on their response.

Although I think you were unfair to accuse him, I also really feel for you. Insecurity is horrible to deal with and it can eat you up and take over your rational mind. And it's often not about the relationship in question but a symptom of something bigger, probably even from childhood. My advice would be to get to the bottom of your insecurity otherwise it's gonna come up in every relationship you're in. Maybe some counselling would help. Also do you know anything about attachment theory? look up anxious preoccupied attachment.

You sound like really hard work and I'm not surprised he couldn't be arsed with it. What were you thinking with those passive aggressive texts? And he's right it was clear you were not joking. It sounds like he'd already decided he'd had enough though with how quick he was to end it

If your boyfriend had posted with this story we would have commended him for his good boundaries and common sense.

Yes, my ex husband cheated on me multiple times with different women and I was happily clueless until he one day upped and moved in with OW (new guy doesn't know that)

If this was the other way around, the advise on here would be to runs for the hills, huge red flag, controlling etc

He’s done the right thing, your messages were off putting and you appear extremely needy.
How would you know what time it went to 2 ticks? Did you sit checking the message?

Blue insecurities are horrible to deal with, maybe focus on yourself until you feel confident enough to be in a relationship.

@bluelight274

Yes, my ex husband cheated on me multiple times with different women and I was happily clueless until he one day upped and moved in with OW (new guy doesn't know that)

Tbh it doesn't matter, it doesn't give you the right to accuse the next partner of the same thing, just because a message isn't delivered instantly.

True. Noted. 😕

If this was a man behaving like this folk would be saying he is a jealous conntrol freak and to run for the hills. Give it a day or two apologise again and say he misunderstood.