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Original poster

Opinions on Boyfriend situation

289 replies

bluelight274 · 22/05/2021 19:47

So I've been seeing someone for 5/6 months long distance. I'm pretty easy going & have NEVER before even remotely questioned bf about anything. Last night I sent him a message in the early eve & thought it was strange that there was only one grey tick on WhatsApp as he always has signal at home. He also usually goes to bed between 9:30-10pm like clockwork, but responded to my message at 10:30pm. (On Day 1 of period, so might have been unreasonable)
Me: Did you go on a date?
Him: What?
Me: it seems like your phone was switched off from early evening.
Him: 🤣🤣🤣
It was charging but on
Me: cat meme saying "fine"
Him: meme saying "you're crazy"
Me: Lol. My text didn't go through until now! It showed up as one tick all evening.
Him: And?
Me: Well it happened to be prime date time 😬
Him: another meme saying "omg, you're really crazy"
Goodnight....
Me: No kiss? 😢
Him: Nope
Never again

He usually texts good morning, nothing this morning, so I texted around midday:
Me: Hey are you ignoring me
Him: yes
Me: why?
Him: you need to find someone closer to you. I can do bullshit.
Me: ?
What bullshit
Him: reposted my msg about his phone being switched off
Me: Ohhh ok. So I sent you a message early evening. And it showed one grey tick all evening until you texted me back at 10pm. Which is very unusual because it always goes to 2 grey ticks to say it’s delivered. There are only 2 reasons for that, one is the person’s phone is switched off, or 2. They’re out of network. So as I have a tendency to catastrophise, I assumed the worst & asked you. You said you didn’t (well, you called me crazy) I believed you & asked for a kiss, you said never & that was it.
So I think there are network problems in your area. Sorry for asking, & telling you what I was thinking. It’s not a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on me.
Him: I am Not going to be on the end of your suspicions etc......I will not explain myself to anyone (been there done that) .....
So I thinks it's best if u find someone closer to u who has more time to give u etc
....
Me: But I’m not a suspicious person. I’m really sorry for asking. It was one silly wobble in all the time I’ve known you, & I believed you & let it go straight away when you told me.
I thought we were joking about it!!
Him: No it wasn't jokes and u know it
Me: I was just saying “please reassure me” & you blew up?!
Him: I didn't blow up .....I just thought I am not in the mood for this shit 🤷

OP posts:
Henio · 22/05/2021 23:14

Before reading your updates op I instantly thought his reaction to your accusations with the laughing faces and calling you crazy was dodgy behaviour, you gave him the perfect opportunity to end it really. I'm sorry this happened to you though it really sucks Flowers

Jesskir89 · 22/05/2021 23:29

Op you know you messed up with that message but he's out of order now telling you he's met someone else. If he had prior then he's cheated. If he hasn't really then he's playing with your emotions in a cruel way! I hope you're ok Flowers

HollowTalk · 22/05/2021 23:56

@bluelight274

I just texted a one line apology with the intention of leaving him be & he replied that he had met someone else & wished me well!!!! Can't think straight right now.
So you were right!
HollowTalk · 22/05/2021 23:57

The thing is that the OP knew something was wrong. She started this thread today and now he's admitting he's met someone else. She was right.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/05/2021 23:58

@HollowTalk

The thing is that the OP knew something was wrong. She started this thread today and now he's admitting he's met someone else. She was right.
Or he's saying it to get her off his back!
HollowTalk · 23/05/2021 00:01

Why would he do that? It immediately puts him in the wrong.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/05/2021 00:09

Maybe. But it makes her less likely to keep on at him. Whether or not it’s true.

MsHedgehog · 23/05/2021 00:10

@bluelight274

I just texted a one line apology with the intention of leaving him be & he replied that he had met someone else & wished me well!!!! Can't think straight right now.
Don’t believe this happened. Think this is OP trying to justify her actions here but pretending she was right.

Sorry OP, but if a guy acted like that, everyone would be saying to end it because it shows he is jealous and controlling. The same clearly applies here. Appreciate you’ve been burned but that’s not healthy behaviour.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 23/05/2021 00:14

@HollowTalk

Why would he do that? It immediately puts him in the wrong.
So that she would accept it's over a s leave him be I guess? Not saying it's definitely what happened, but it's a real possibility considering OP's intensity about him not replying to a message!
startingover44 · 23/05/2021 00:22

is this one of the many trolling reddit threads?

Calty123 · 23/05/2021 00:22

Don’t be so hard on yourself. It just wasn’t meant to be!

Derbee · 23/05/2021 00:24

I think he’s had a lucky escape. You sound crazy. It wouldn’t be fun to have to reassure someone over such stupid things

Waterfallgirl · 23/05/2021 00:40

I feel sad we live in a world where people have relationships which depend on ticks, being on phones and ending when people don’t respond in a nano second to any questions. Some people need to get a life.
Also struggling with ‘every other weekend’ relationships when as far as I know we have been in lock down pretty much all of the last 5 months.

Normando91 · 23/05/2021 00:45

You went from 0 to him cheating reeeaaal quick.

I’d be running from you too.

SionnachGlic · 23/05/2021 00:51

If I got quizzed about what time ticks apppeared on my msgs & queries as to if I was/wasn't in bed at usual time of 9.30 (or whatever) & texting a goodnight msg..& accused of possible cheating...I'd be seeing red flags popping up all over the place. Also...he should know about your ex cheating. Has he not asked why your relationship broke up...? It might help him understand your insecurities...but still I wouldn't be dealing with being quizzed.

Mango101 · 23/05/2021 00:51

I'm with you OP.
He should have picked up you were feeling needy and explained/reassured.

His response was either a bit suspicious or rather cruel.

Embracingthechaos · 23/05/2021 00:53

Yes, you did sound crazy and no one should put up with that. But also it sounds like he actually was on a date...

To be honest, I think entering into a long distance relationship is usually a terrible idea. It's a bit different if you're in a relationship and then one of you has to move for some reason, but if you're far away from each from the get go then it usually ends in tears.

katy1213 · 23/05/2021 00:54

Right decision, he's dodged a bullet there. That's not a relationship, it's police surveillance.

PinkSatinMoon · 23/05/2021 01:04

You were SPOT ON with your instincts. You suspected he was on a Date, and despite his denials you were correct.

You don't need Mumsnet ..

well done. 🌸

CirqueDeMorgue · 23/05/2021 01:06

Wow I was going to say I don't think you're 'unhinged' I think you have a gut feeling! He didn't even deny the whole date thing. Fuck him! Flowers

Nataliafalka · 23/05/2021 01:10

I think you’re mad. Why on earth did you make. Fuss about 1 tick? So many reasons it might be like that and you come across as a bit of a nightmare

CirqueDeMorgue · 23/05/2021 01:14

Also, ignore some of the idiots here, half of Mumsnet reckons it's ok to go through someone's phone without them knowing.

MrsMaizel · 23/05/2021 01:24

You have acted out the irrational thoughts that we see posted on here all the time because a guy does not respond in "correct" time to a message and you have reaped the reward . He will be thinking if she is like this now what will she be like later 🤔

HoppingPavlova · 23/05/2021 01:54

I doubt he has met someone. I think he said that to try and stop you contacting him. You crossed a line with batshit behaviour, he told you it wasn’t acceptable and he was done and you are over. After that you kept contacting him. He kept telling you it was over. You contacted him again. I think he’s told you he is with someone else in a desperate attempt to stop you contacting him yet again, it’s the lesser evil. If someone sent me that text it would be over the second I read it. Now though you will feel justified in your unhinged behaviour.

leeds2glasgow · 23/05/2021 02:11

@HollowTalk

The thing is that the OP knew something was wrong. She started this thread today and now he's admitting he's met someone else. She was right.
Really?
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