Opinions on Boyfriend situation

[bluelight274]

So I've been seeing someone for 5/6 months long distance. I'm pretty easy going & have NEVER before even remotely questioned bf about anything. Last night I sent him a message in the early eve & thought it was strange that there was only one grey tick on WhatsApp as he always has signal at home. He also usually goes to bed between 9:30-10pm like clockwork, but responded to my message at 10:30pm. (On Day 1 of period, so might have been unreasonable)
Me: Did you go on a date?
Him: What?
Me: it seems like your phone was switched off from early evening.
Him: 🤣🤣🤣
It was charging but on
Me: cat meme saying "fine"
Him: meme saying "you're crazy"
Me: Lol. My text didn't go through until now! It showed up as one tick all evening.
Him: And?
Me: Well it happened to be prime date time 😬
Him: another meme saying "omg, you're really crazy"
Goodnight....
Me: No kiss? 😢
Him: Nope
Never again

He usually texts good morning, nothing this morning, so I texted around midday:
Me: Hey are you ignoring me
Him: yes
Me: why?
Him: you need to find someone closer to you. I can do bullshit.
Me: ?
What bullshit
Him: reposted my msg about his phone being switched off
Me: Ohhh ok. So I sent you a message early evening. And it showed one grey tick all evening until you texted me back at 10pm. Which is very unusual because it always goes to 2 grey ticks to say it’s delivered. There are only 2 reasons for that, one is the person’s phone is switched off, or 2. They’re out of network. So as I have a tendency to catastrophise, I assumed the worst & asked you. You said you didn’t (well, you called me crazy) I believed you & asked for a kiss, you said never & that was it.
So I think there are network problems in your area. Sorry for asking, & telling you what I was thinking. It’s not a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on me.
Him: I am Not going to be on the end of your suspicions etc......I will not explain myself to anyone (been there done that) .....
So I thinks it's best if u find someone closer to u who has more time to give u etc
....
Me: But I’m not a suspicious person. I’m really sorry for asking. It was one silly wobble in all the time I’ve known you, & I believed you & let it go straight away when you told me.
I thought we were joking about it!!
Him: No it wasn't jokes and u know it
Me: I was just saying “please reassure me” & you blew up?!
Him: I didn't blow up .....I just thought I am not in the mood for this shit 🤷

"tried to end it previously" was when I sent him a message saying "you coming over for dinner?" & he assumed I meant it for someone else & ended it. I managed to convince him after a day or two that it wasn't, & he came around.

@PinkSatinMoon

perhaps...

but why believe only part of a Thread and not all of a Thread..

I said he might have said that to get her off his back. People can 'believe' the thread but think he might not be telling the truth to OP.

Too much drama. Block him and move on.

WOW! OP! Thay was... Not good to say the least. You did come across as a bit nuts, paranoid and accusing. It wasn't 'just a question' was it? It was... Worrying for him. A red flag for him. Unusual behaviour suggestive of other issues? Idk. Id be freaked out if a partner sent me those messages.

@Viviennemary

If this was a man behaving like this folk would be saying he is a jealous conntrol freak and to run for the hills. Give it a day or two apologise again and say he misunderstood.

@Viviennemary

Which part of her accusation of him cheating did he 'misunderstand'?
I'm not sure advising OP to keep contacting and gaslighting a man who has made his feelings clear is healthy or constructive.

@bluelight274

"tried to end it previously" was when I sent him a message saying "you coming over for dinner?" & he assumed I meant it for someone else & ended it. I managed to convince him after a day or two that it wasn't, & he came around.

He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. He has now given you three different reasons for breaking up and you refuse to accept any of them

It is over. He is not your boyfriend. He doesn't want to be. Leave him alone.

One of two things happened here...

1. Thread wasn’t going the way OP had hoped so she threw in the “he’s met someone else” line to try and gain sympathy and turn people’s opinions.

1. OP may as well have flown a massive red flag above her head, guys realised she has trust issues, doesn’t need that shit and has run a mile. Has said he’s met someone else to put a complete and total end to it all.

Either way, stop blaming your irrational behaviour on hormones. It just creates a stigma around woman and periods that makes us all come across as ridiculous, unreasonable people unfairly. Own the fact you’re a little unhinged

I've just read your first post OP and that would have been it for me too.

All the romance and mystique of a new relationship would have just gone poof and I would have ended things too.

Neediness is unfortunately the biggest turn off I think. Most people would have maybe had similar feelings to you in the same situation, but any sensible person wouldn't dream of actually asking their new boyfriend!

OP enjoy your new found freedom. 🌸

@Normando91

One of two things happened here...

1. Thread wasn’t going the way OP had hoped so she threw in the “he’s met someone else” line to try and gain sympathy and turn people’s opinions.

1. OP may as well have flown a massive red flag above her head, guys realised she has trust issues, doesn’t need that shit and has run a mile. Has said he’s met someone else to put a complete and total end to it all.

Either way, stop blaming your irrational behaviour on hormones. It just creates a stigma around woman and periods that makes us all come across as ridiculous, unreasonable people unfairly. Own the fact you’re a little unhinged

OR

OP was bang on the money with her instincts and he then admitted he had met someone else...

I think I'm feeling worse about this thread than what happened.

I think you've been subjected to some unnecessarily harsh and unkind comments, OP.

Of course I realise that I was being unreasonable. But I struggled to understand why he ended it so quickly, with no history of previous disagreements.

Unfortunately the person who's dumping you has a different reality to you - your feelings haven't changed but theirs have. And their cooling off will have started some time ago. So while this may be a horrible new reality for you, they're already way ahead of you in the "getting over" process.

Whether or not your bf was on a date or not, or saying he'd met someone else as an excuse to end the relationship, we will never know. Except I do think he was planning to end it anyway and if it had not been this it would have been something else further down the line, when you were even more emotionally invested. Better now than in two years' time.

Someone upthread mentioned The Rules and while they're not for everyone, they really worked for me when I was much younger and struggling with attachment issues.

Try to think about a guy in the past who was more interested in you than you were in him. Did his efforts to get closer or chase you win you round or push you away? The unfortunate reality is that whenever we chase someone, their instinct is to run away.

Try to use this as a learning opportunity. It is in times of difficulty that we experience the most personal growth. I assure you that one day you will look back and wonder what you saw in him. Wishing you strength and peace.

@User23456 Wow! That was so inspiring. YouR post gave me more clarity, and inspired me to be better, more than all of those negative ones put together. THANK YOU.

You're very welcome, OP. PM me if you want. It is rough emotionally detaching from someone, and I've been through it more than once. It does make you stronger. And for what it's worth, your bf doesn't sound nice.