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Original poster

Opinions on Boyfriend situation

289 replies

bluelight274 · 22/05/2021 19:47

So I've been seeing someone for 5/6 months long distance. I'm pretty easy going & have NEVER before even remotely questioned bf about anything. Last night I sent him a message in the early eve & thought it was strange that there was only one grey tick on WhatsApp as he always has signal at home. He also usually goes to bed between 9:30-10pm like clockwork, but responded to my message at 10:30pm. (On Day 1 of period, so might have been unreasonable)
Me: Did you go on a date?
Him: What?
Me: it seems like your phone was switched off from early evening.
Him: 🤣🤣🤣
It was charging but on
Me: cat meme saying "fine"
Him: meme saying "you're crazy"
Me: Lol. My text didn't go through until now! It showed up as one tick all evening.
Him: And?
Me: Well it happened to be prime date time 😬
Him: another meme saying "omg, you're really crazy"
Goodnight....
Me: No kiss? 😢
Him: Nope
Never again

He usually texts good morning, nothing this morning, so I texted around midday:
Me: Hey are you ignoring me
Him: yes
Me: why?
Him: you need to find someone closer to you. I can do bullshit.
Me: ?
What bullshit
Him: reposted my msg about his phone being switched off
Me: Ohhh ok. So I sent you a message early evening. And it showed one grey tick all evening until you texted me back at 10pm. Which is very unusual because it always goes to 2 grey ticks to say it’s delivered. There are only 2 reasons for that, one is the person’s phone is switched off, or 2. They’re out of network. So as I have a tendency to catastrophise, I assumed the worst & asked you. You said you didn’t (well, you called me crazy) I believed you & asked for a kiss, you said never & that was it.
So I think there are network problems in your area. Sorry for asking, & telling you what I was thinking. It’s not a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on me.
Him: I am Not going to be on the end of your suspicions etc......I will not explain myself to anyone (been there done that) .....
So I thinks it's best if u find someone closer to u who has more time to give u etc
....
Me: But I’m not a suspicious person. I’m really sorry for asking. It was one silly wobble in all the time I’ve known you, & I believed you & let it go straight away when you told me.
I thought we were joking about it!!
Him: No it wasn't jokes and u know it
Me: I was just saying “please reassure me” & you blew up?!
Him: I didn't blow up .....I just thought I am not in the mood for this shit 🤷

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 22/05/2021 21:41

I don't suppose for a minute he's met someone else.

He had ended the relationship. He didn't want to hear from you again - even with another apology - and he hopes that if he tells you politely and firmly that he's now with someone else that you won't bother him again.

Original poster
bluelight274 · 22/05/2021 21:42

Unbelievable. Had no idea what "trust your gut" meant until now. It just felt "off" last night.

OP posts:
Backtoblack1 · 22/05/2021 21:43

^^I just texted a one line apology with the intention of leaving him be & he replied that he had met someone else & wished me well!!!! Can't think straight right now.

Your instincts were right then. What a bastard. You definitely didn’t deserve all the unkind comments you got. I hope you’re ok xxx

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/05/2021 21:43

@MadMadMadamMim

I don't suppose for a minute he's met someone else.

He had ended the relationship. He didn't want to hear from you again - even with another apology - and he hopes that if he tells you politely and firmly that he's now with someone else that you won't bother him again.

I think this poster is likely correct OP.

It's worrying you were thinking about someone you've been dating during lockdown for 5/6 months moving closer to you and your child.

Original poster
bluelight274 · 22/05/2021 21:47

One poster correctly predicted it up thread. Not sure what to think really, but it doesn't matter now.

Re: moving, we met when he lived close by, he then went to live with his parents in December, got stuck there in lockdown & stayed. He came over every other w/end. Planned to move back to his old place in September.

OP posts:
Iworry2021 · 22/05/2021 21:49

OP, I actually disagree with the majority opinion here.

We all say silly things when we are in love. Just because you said one slightly unhinged thing doesn't mean that you're a stalker, crazy or an abuser that one needs to run away from.

I actually believe that he's just not that into you and was looking for a way out. Perhaps there is another woman behind it, perhaps not.

Maybe he got cold feet and didn't want to move closer to you. A lot of men don't want to move for a woman.

Flatpancakes23 · 22/05/2021 21:50

Whilst taking this as a lesson learned op may I suggest maybe not entertaining long distance relationships moving forward from this? They arent for everyone and there is nothing wrong with that. If anything they can be harder at times and insecurities are more likely to rise when their is distance between two people. It sounds like you would be better of with a closer proximity given your past dating experience.

For what's it worth I think its abit much that he called of the entire relationship based of one simple mistake. If I was in his shoes I wouldnt throw away the relationship that quickly but then again we all have our own cut off points and boundaries and that is okay. Perhaps if he was that quick to throw the relationship out the window better now than years later down the line, as cliche as that sounds.

IEat · 22/05/2021 21:53

I’d break up with partner if they did this to me. It’s a strange way to behave.

Shoxfordian · 22/05/2021 21:54

His reaction is totally normal, I’d dump you for this too. I definitely wouldn’t be loving or reassuring of someone who acted like you.

Look into some counselling because it seems like you can’t trust anyone

Guavafish · 22/05/2021 21:55

It’s too intense.

Just leave it alone he is not for you

BonesJones · 22/05/2021 21:55

I'd be outta there too, I'm afraid. And it would be a no-return from situation either, I just couldn't go any deeper into a relationship if someone was analysing ticks on an app and inferring nonsense from it. An apology just wouldn't cut it, you've shown him mistrust and behaved strangely, jealously and potentially controlling. Have some time to yourself and work this stuff out before getting into another relationship. I'm really sorry this one hasn't worked out though, but best leave it be.

Blueskytoday06 · 22/05/2021 21:55

Yeah you've come across cray cray BUT I get it. Whatsapp sent me batshit when dating - managed to keep a lid on it but I wouldn't use if I was dating now.

HerMammy · 22/05/2021 21:57

Btw, he won’t have met anyone else so stop justifying your crazy, he’s said that to get rid of you.

BonesJones · 22/05/2021 21:59

Oh god sorry, the rest of the thread didn't load! Wishing you well. You obviously had a hunch.

Anniissa · 22/05/2021 22:00

I don’t understand how you immediately leapt to the conclusion he must be cheating or up to no good because the message didn’t immediately go through. Huge overreaction and although you say you got over it straight away it certainly doesn’t come across from the text conversation. Either there are other issues causing your mistrust or you are seriously overthinking and I can see why he’s saying you’re too much drama to deal with. Assuming he hasn’t given you any reasons previously to worry about him cheating/lying then you seriously overreacted!

Blueskytoday06 · 22/05/2021 22:04

Ohhh sorry seen your update. What a twat - he had you thinking it was you which is more unforgiving than meeting someone else. Lucky escape and all that. At least you haven't wasted any more of your time. Let yourself feel bad for a while and then move on Daffodil

smallgoon · 22/05/2021 22:05

You seem needy

ittakes2 · 22/05/2021 22:07

sorry I think if you are that suspicious a long distance relationship is not going to work. Its prob for the best.

viques · 22/05/2021 22:08

@nimbuscloud

Would it be so difficult to actually use the phone to call and speak to each other ?
And miss all this fun?
SortingItOut · 22/05/2021 22:09

I doubt he has met someone else, I think he said it out of spite to upset you further after you accused him.

If thats the kind of petty behaviour he does then you are well rid.

inthenameofthemother · 22/05/2021 22:09

@bluelight274 everytime o had this sense I was right. You knew something wasn't right, I think other posters are correct that there may well have been a more subtle way to ask but trust your gut. He has done you a favour. You are now free to meet someone else

Opentooffers · 22/05/2021 22:10

You behaved a bit like a bunny boiler by reading into things so much. How many ticks indeed. He could well have gone out, people do have lives usually, and to jump to asking "were you on a date?" Is a big paranoid leap. Better to have enquired if he had a fun night out, or not ask at all - he could of been with friends. All in all, long distance is not for you, it takes a level of trust to manage, not suspicion.

me4real · 22/05/2021 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

me4real · 22/05/2021 22:13

I would've thought you were being paranoid but seems like you were right. Sad xxx

leeds2glasgow · 22/05/2021 22:13

@bluelight274

I just texted a one line apology with the intention of leaving him be & he replied that he had met someone else & wished me well!!!! Can't think straight right now.
Leave the poor guy alone. For all you know he's said that to get rid of you. You really shouldn't have text him again. Block his number and move on.
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