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Original poster

Opinions on Boyfriend situation

289 replies

bluelight274 · 22/05/2021 19:47

So I've been seeing someone for 5/6 months long distance. I'm pretty easy going & have NEVER before even remotely questioned bf about anything. Last night I sent him a message in the early eve & thought it was strange that there was only one grey tick on WhatsApp as he always has signal at home. He also usually goes to bed between 9:30-10pm like clockwork, but responded to my message at 10:30pm. (On Day 1 of period, so might have been unreasonable)
Me: Did you go on a date?
Him: What?
Me: it seems like your phone was switched off from early evening.
Him: 🤣🤣🤣
It was charging but on
Me: cat meme saying "fine"
Him: meme saying "you're crazy"
Me: Lol. My text didn't go through until now! It showed up as one tick all evening.
Him: And?
Me: Well it happened to be prime date time 😬
Him: another meme saying "omg, you're really crazy"
Goodnight....
Me: No kiss? 😢
Him: Nope
Never again

He usually texts good morning, nothing this morning, so I texted around midday:
Me: Hey are you ignoring me
Him: yes
Me: why?
Him: you need to find someone closer to you. I can do bullshit.
Me: ?
What bullshit
Him: reposted my msg about his phone being switched off
Me: Ohhh ok. So I sent you a message early evening. And it showed one grey tick all evening until you texted me back at 10pm. Which is very unusual because it always goes to 2 grey ticks to say it’s delivered. There are only 2 reasons for that, one is the person’s phone is switched off, or 2. They’re out of network. So as I have a tendency to catastrophise, I assumed the worst & asked you. You said you didn’t (well, you called me crazy) I believed you & asked for a kiss, you said never & that was it.
So I think there are network problems in your area. Sorry for asking, & telling you what I was thinking. It’s not a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on me.
Him: I am Not going to be on the end of your suspicions etc......I will not explain myself to anyone (been there done that) .....
So I thinks it's best if u find someone closer to u who has more time to give u etc
....
Me: But I’m not a suspicious person. I’m really sorry for asking. It was one silly wobble in all the time I’ve known you, & I believed you & let it go straight away when you told me.
I thought we were joking about it!!
Him: No it wasn't jokes and u know it
Me: I was just saying “please reassure me” & you blew up?!
Him: I didn't blow up .....I just thought I am not in the mood for this shit 🤷

OP posts:
TreeDice · 22/05/2021 20:20

Yeah sorry OP, but not fair for you to take out your past on the new guy.

It clearly was too much for him, I'd suggest not dwelling on it but learn from your mistake.

Good luck!

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 22/05/2021 20:21

He sounds like an emotionally mature person who is aware of and able to assert his own boundaries.

If what he said sounds totally alien to you then I’d suggest kindly that you need to do some personal emotional work on yourself? Your reaction was unhealthy and it would help to explore why - your motivations and past experiences.

I’m not putting the boot in, honestly. But I think the person who needs your attention right now is you.

Notonthestairs · 22/05/2021 20:22

It is fine to want to protect yourself especially given your history but you need to accept that relationships do require trust and there will still be risk.

He did not cut pretty quickly though - either he was uncertain already and/or you've displayed similar issues before.

I am sorry, it's hard - but have a proper think about what you want/need. I'm not convinced needing to move for a relationship is the best way - you need time with someone to feel secure and to maintain your current friendships so that you don't feel vulnerable.

Notonthestairs · 22/05/2021 20:22

He did - not he did not!

Ragwort · 22/05/2021 20:23

You have been dating 5-6 months (in Covid times) and he was planning to move to be near you and your DC Shock - you must be mad or desperate or both.

Sisisimone · 22/05/2021 20:24

I absolutely would end it with a new partner for this. It's not going to be an isolated incident. It's a precursor to getting shit every time your phone's off, you don't have signal, you're late home from work, you stay out on a night out a bit later than planned etc etc etc. Who needs that shit

Notonthestairs · 22/05/2021 20:24

Ah sorry thought you were moving not him.

CandyLeBonBon · 22/05/2021 20:25

Oh dear. I'm not going to pile on op but agree that I think you need to chalk this up to experience and move on

Bellyups · 22/05/2021 20:25

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Honeyroar · 22/05/2021 20:25

Unfortunately you did come across as crazy and you raked the coals the following day. All you can do now is say sorry (without huge explanation or discussion) and leave him to it. He’s probably right in what he said and he probably doesn’t want the hassle. But if you leave him be perhaps he’ll relax and change his mind. But you’ve got to leave him be completely, and learn from it for the future- whatever happens.

Muchasgracias · 22/05/2021 20:25

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paniniswapx3 · 22/05/2021 20:26

Sorry Op but I'm with him too - think he did the right thing!

SortingItOut · 22/05/2021 20:29

I know your ex cheated but you cant tar everyone with the same brush.

Its interesting your first thought is that he was on a date, not that his internet might be down or he was out with friends.

I don't keep my mobile data on so if I leave home no messages come through.
Earlier today I noticed my home internet was playing up and my phone had no internet, i was busy doing other things so hadnt noticed, once I reset my router messages came through including one from my boyfriend bit he never accusedme of anything even though he has been cheated on.

There are loads of reasons for messages not going through.

I've been cheated on but if my boyfriend doesn't answer my messages quickly I assume he is busy and not that he is cheating.

I hope you can get some counselling to help you address these issues.

CassandraTrotter · 22/05/2021 20:35

It’s not a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on me.

You were right. And he was right to end it. He would need to move long distance to you. Turn his life upside down. And you accused him of vheating on you when his phone was switched off.

He either is cheating, or you're jealous and suspicious. For either reason, he is right to end it.

HalzTangz · 22/05/2021 20:35

@bluelight274

I'm so confused! It was just a question. Admittedly a stupid one but I was lonely & hormonal, but I literally moved on from it in 5 seconds after his first reply. It almost sounds now like he did actually meet someone yesterday!
It wasn't one question, you asked him twice, you didnt believe his answer and you didn't apologise to him for accusing him
Original poster
bluelight274 · 22/05/2021 20:35

Not sure what got into me to be honest. I've never noticed if he took ages to reply before. And never expect to hear from him if he's going out/at work etc, I just don't think about it. I just had a feeling last night and together with the undelivered thing just triggered me I suppose.
My garbled explanation (which looks ridiculous on text) was because I was planning to explain over the phone & he had cut the call.
Gutted because I was developing strong feelings for him. Oh well, everything happens as it's supposed to.

OP posts:
Original poster
bluelight274 · 22/05/2021 20:36

HalzTangz I did apologise in my text

OP posts:
tct131416 · 22/05/2021 20:37

I would say whilst you were being unreasonable it does seem pretty rash to pull the plug immediately. I'd say you've shown signs of this behaviour before and this was the icing on the cake.

Best thing you can do is apologise briefly and leave it. Any further communication will only reinforce in his belief that you are unhinged. Apologising and going off the radar will best case get him to rethink and worst case allow you to disappear with a little bit of dignity intact.

Robin233 · 22/05/2021 20:38

Hummm....
He did can end it abruptly.
I couldn't do long distance.
The next town on seems a long way
Away.

HalzTangz · 22/05/2021 20:39

@bluelight274

Ok, I accept consensus: it is enough to end a relationship over. Feel so so stupid now.
You clearly don't trust him or wouldn't have asked in first place, lack of trust is very good reason to split
GettingItOutThere · 22/05/2021 20:42

the plan was him moving closer? after 5-6 months long distance?

OP your the one with the issues, end it and i agree with your ex!

anon12345678901 · 22/05/2021 20:42

I think he did the right thing, but you live and learn.
It sounds like you still don't trust him, even now when he's given a valid reason to end the relationship, you are saying it sounds like he met someone. He said he didn't, he just doesn't want to be with someone who questions when his phone maybe out of range or switched off. He's got the right idea tbh, that is no way to have a relationship.

Notashandyta · 22/05/2021 20:43

The amount of cheating that does go on nowadays! If he cared, he would reassure you. His response was unkind and I think he wants out tbh.

You can do better. I really don't get all this you can't ask each other anything or its seen as a 'red flag'.

The right person won't have you questioning everything.

DizzySquirrel90 · 22/05/2021 20:45

@Notashandyta

The amount of cheating that does go on nowadays! If he cared, he would reassure you. His response was unkind and I think he wants out tbh.

You can do better. I really don't get all this you can't ask each other anything or its seen as a 'red flag'.

The right person won't have you questioning everything.

Questioning because message wasn't delivered instantly? That's not normal behaviour.
Elbels · 22/05/2021 20:46

I don't understand why being on a date would mean his phone would be off in the first place. Your mind leapt to a crazy conclusion.

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