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Original poster

Opinions on Boyfriend situation

289 replies

bluelight274 · 22/05/2021 19:47

So I've been seeing someone for 5/6 months long distance. I'm pretty easy going & have NEVER before even remotely questioned bf about anything. Last night I sent him a message in the early eve & thought it was strange that there was only one grey tick on WhatsApp as he always has signal at home. He also usually goes to bed between 9:30-10pm like clockwork, but responded to my message at 10:30pm. (On Day 1 of period, so might have been unreasonable)
Me: Did you go on a date?
Him: What?
Me: it seems like your phone was switched off from early evening.
Him: 🤣🤣🤣
It was charging but on
Me: cat meme saying "fine"
Him: meme saying "you're crazy"
Me: Lol. My text didn't go through until now! It showed up as one tick all evening.
Him: And?
Me: Well it happened to be prime date time 😬
Him: another meme saying "omg, you're really crazy"
Goodnight....
Me: No kiss? 😢
Him: Nope
Never again

He usually texts good morning, nothing this morning, so I texted around midday:
Me: Hey are you ignoring me
Him: yes
Me: why?
Him: you need to find someone closer to you. I can do bullshit.
Me: ?
What bullshit
Him: reposted my msg about his phone being switched off
Me: Ohhh ok. So I sent you a message early evening. And it showed one grey tick all evening until you texted me back at 10pm. Which is very unusual because it always goes to 2 grey ticks to say it’s delivered. There are only 2 reasons for that, one is the person’s phone is switched off, or 2. They’re out of network. So as I have a tendency to catastrophise, I assumed the worst & asked you. You said you didn’t (well, you called me crazy) I believed you & asked for a kiss, you said never & that was it.
So I think there are network problems in your area. Sorry for asking, & telling you what I was thinking. It’s not a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on me.
Him: I am Not going to be on the end of your suspicions etc......I will not explain myself to anyone (been there done that) .....
So I thinks it's best if u find someone closer to u who has more time to give u etc
....
Me: But I’m not a suspicious person. I’m really sorry for asking. It was one silly wobble in all the time I’ve known you, & I believed you & let it go straight away when you told me.
I thought we were joking about it!!
Him: No it wasn't jokes and u know it
Me: I was just saying “please reassure me” & you blew up?!
Him: I didn't blow up .....I just thought I am not in the mood for this shit 🤷

OP posts:
leeds2glasgow · 22/05/2021 22:14

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Applesarenice · 22/05/2021 22:17

Regardless of whether he has met anyone else, it doesn’t sound like he’s too fussed about your relationship so I’d walk away

CandyLeBonBon · 22/05/2021 22:17

@bluelight274

I just texted a one line apology with the intention of leaving him be & he replied that he had met someone else & wished me well!!!! Can't think straight right now.
Who knows if it's true or not? He's probably saying it because that's what he feels you believe anyway.
starfishmummy · 22/05/2021 22:21

@bluelight274

I tried calling and he cut my call. The plan was him moving closer because I have DC.
I'd try growing up, OP
Maggiesfarm · 22/05/2021 22:21

@bluelight274

I tried calling and he cut my call. The plan was him moving closer because I have DC.
After such a short time, most of which has been in lockdown?

I never dreamed you had dc, thought you were a teenager.

The 'relationship' has run its course, move on.

Shadedog · 22/05/2021 22:24

Nobody ever told a crazy in a bar that they are seeing someone else? Sometimes it’s the only thing to get them you leave you alone. I hate any kind of monitoring. I don’t share my location, I put my phone on airplane mode when using WhatsApp so people can’t watch me TYPING. I’d run a mile from this. Also fun a mile if someone accuse me of cheating.5 month relationships should be fun, not dodging red flags.

WhySoSensitive · 22/05/2021 22:25

If this was the otherwise round we would be telling the OP what a huge ted flag and to end the relationship.
It’s no different, your behaviour was the red flag.

Viviennemary · 22/05/2021 22:25

I think you need to accept it's over. But I dont think the reason is solely because of what you did. Sounds like he wanted to finish and escalated this.

Honeyroar · 22/05/2021 22:26

Well that’s that, whether it’s true or not.

OnlyInYourDreams · 22/05/2021 22:31

He’s well rid.

Londontown12 · 22/05/2021 22:37

So what thou if message didn’t go throu ? Is he not allowed to turn phone off ? It’s like he’s done something wrong and he hasn’t people don’t have to text straight back either . Deffo shouldn’t be questioning him over it x

Thewinterofdiscontent · 22/05/2021 22:37

Everyone scoffs at “The Rules” but this is exactly why. Don’t chase. They can chase you and until you are in a proper committed relationship you see other people. Texting goodnight from across the country after a small amount of not knowing each other isn’t commitment.

Leave him alone. He may really miss you and think it’s worth another shot. You in the meantime go out and meet other men, work on your interests and self esteem and don’t give him a second thought. For what is worth I also think he’s made a bigger deal of the argument because he wanted out.

Ugzbugz · 22/05/2021 22:42

Tbh a gut feeling is normally correct but me and my friend were having a chat the other day, quite long winded but literally just chat and I had sent 5 shirt messages one after the other as I tend to type and send and he didn't answer those questions ans chatted about other stuff and they all had 2 ticks but never went blue and he never got them. We both screenshot our chats and couldn't work it out so maybe his tick was wrong

mooongooose · 22/05/2021 22:48

@Iworry2021

OP, I actually disagree with the majority opinion here.

We all say silly things when we are in love. Just because you said one slightly unhinged thing doesn't mean that you're a stalker, crazy or an abuser that one needs to run away from.

I actually believe that he's just not that into you and was looking for a way out. Perhaps there is another woman behind it, perhaps not.

Maybe he got cold feet and didn't want to move closer to you. A lot of men don't want to move for a woman.

I agree 100%
Can also empathise with your insecurity @bluelight274 although we all know it's not a good thing

Who knows whether there is another woman or not. What IS obvious is his lack of interest or commitment to you, and probably used your overbearing comment as an excuse. Solidified by the fact he dumped so fast, he's not interested

You need to work on your past and dealing with trust issues. Learn from this and recognise when someone is stringing you along. This wasn't going anywhere, unfortunately.

BetterThanKleenex · 22/05/2021 22:49

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Ginger1982 · 22/05/2021 22:50

@bluelight274

I just texted a one line apology with the intention of leaving him be & he replied that he had met someone else & wished me well!!!! Can't think straight right now.
How convenient for you to be apparently proved right 🙄

You realise he's just saying this, right?

mooongooose · 22/05/2021 22:51

@HerMammy

Btw, he won’t have met anyone else so stop justifying your crazy, he’s said that to get rid of you.

I don't get comments like this. OP definitely had trust issues from her ex husband. Bit why side with the man? He honestly sounds horrible and mean to taunt OP like this.

DizzySquirrel90 · 22/05/2021 22:52

He's just saying it for an easy break

DizzySquirrel90 · 22/05/2021 22:53

Move on, learn from your mistake and don't make any future partner pay for the mistake your Ex husband made.

Maggiesfarm · 22/05/2021 22:55

@bluelight274

I just texted a one line apology with the intention of leaving him be & he replied that he had met someone else & wished me well!!!! Can't think straight right now.
At least you know where you are. Better it has happened now before he has moved near to you and your children. I am sorry you feel hurt though.

It was a brief lockdown 'romance', the next one will be better but don't rush into things.

TheUndoingProject · 22/05/2021 22:56

I’m worried you’ll take this as confirmation that you were right all along and behaving like this is justified OP.

Who knows what is really going on with this man, but I think you need realise that your behaviour crossed a line.

Mydogmylife · 22/05/2021 23:03

@bluelight274

Yes, my ex husband cheated on me multiple times with different women and I was happily clueless until he one day upped and moved in with OW (new guy doesn't know that)
Well basically you've projected haven't you? Neither of you have behaved particularly well, you were deffo needy about the message ( I'd be raging if someone was implying I was cheating cos a message didn't go through) and he was very quick to cut you off.
sammylady37 · 22/05/2021 23:04

Jesus Christ. He’s had a very lucky escape. No matter how interested I was in someone, no matter how great they seemed otherwise, this sort of behaviour woukd gave me running for the hills. Cos it ain’t gonna get better.

Mydogmylife · 22/05/2021 23:06

Cross posted , see he's met someone else - lucky escape, but maybe don't be so needy with the messages in the future - good luck, next one'll be better for you, you'll see

FunMcCool · 22/05/2021 23:09

@bluelight274
You accused him of something out of nowhere and then he set a boundary because you were being out of line and then you tried to minimise and make him sound like the one in the wrong! You were almost gaslighting him. Op you need to work on yourself before you get into a relationship.

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