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Original poster

Entering a relationship when my partner can’t handle me having kids

165 replies

Stormchaser500 · 19/05/2021 10:09

Hello everyone, longs story short I parted with my wife over a year ago and I have two young kids aged 4 and 9. I have met someone else who’s never been married or had kids as she said she never met the right person she wanted a family with. We’ve been seeing each other for 5 months now and speak every day but she lives 160 miles from me so we don’t get to spend much time together. She says she’s never felt this way about anyone before and she would like to start a family with me. We have arranged that I will move down to where she lives in Cornwall and will see my kids as often as I can which would hopefully be for two weekends a month. The issue is that because I have been married and have kids she feels that we couldn’t do any of that because I’ve done it before, she doesn’t know if she can have kids because of reproductive health problems either. She wants to see past it and have a life with me but she can’t get over my kids. I’ve suggested seeing a specialist and as I’ve said that me having kids won’t encroach on our lives together as I will be away from her when I see them. It just seems like there’s no moving past this and I don’t know what else to suggest

OP posts:
crumpet · 19/05/2021 10:27

Gah! *part of her life

Itsseweasy · 19/05/2021 10:28

Wow, she sounds delightful.
It’s pretty obvious you’re not thinking with your brain right now...

femfemlicious · 19/05/2021 10:28

Are there no women to date where you live?. How have you met this woman who lives so far away.

This the problem with a lot of men. They seem to think they are optional in their childrens lives. All they have to do is see the child "when they"can"" absolutely pathetic. How do you think your children will feel. Their dad who they used to live with has moved far away now they will barely ever see him?. So sad!

ConfusedAdultFemale · 19/05/2021 10:29

And the father of the year award goes to…. Not you that’s for sure.

ElaborateSalad · 19/05/2021 10:34

Oh, fuck off.

Nowstrong · 19/05/2021 10:35

He won't be back..... what a twat.

IamThrough · 19/05/2021 10:38

So you've been "seeing" some women for the last 5 months........ during a national lockdown when travel was banned?
OK - so lets assume you are in a support bubble with this lady - exactly how much have you actually been with her?? You must barely know each other and you are discussing relocating your life? Let alone choosing to move away from your kids?

This sort of thing surely only happens on the pages of Mumsnet!!!

Eviethyme · 19/05/2021 10:40

Your disgusting. Gives men a bad name. Be a father, moving away from your kids.. Who could do that?? No decent person that's who

squiglet111 · 19/05/2021 10:41

Don't leave your kids. You hope to see them every two weeks, but what if she decides they can't come to the house? Is she's already against your kids then this isn't going to work. If she can't have kids she will want you to push your kids away so she doesn't have to see them. If she does have her own she won't want yours around as a reminder that you already had kids.

Your kids are still young. Do you really want to ruin their childhood and for them to grow up hating you?

VettiyaIruken · 19/05/2021 10:42

You having children absolutely should "encroach", unless you're an absolute sack of shit!

If she can't handle the fact that you have children then any even half decent parent would say sorry, but my children are not a burden and I won't be casting them aside so this is not going to work

aSofaNearYou · 19/05/2021 10:44

This won't be good for anyone and you are being naive about the impact it will have on your life together. Best to walk away and find somebody else. Local would help, too.

Couchbettato · 19/05/2021 10:46

This is surely a reverse? Or unreal? A windup? A daily fail reporter?

If this is real it's fucking stupid.

SpindleWhorl · 19/05/2021 10:46

She sounds barking. And so do you.

SpindleWhorl · 19/05/2021 10:48

@Couchbettato

This is surely a reverse? Or unreal? A windup? A daily fail reporter?

If this is real it's fucking stupid.

I do actually know someone who did something this mental. It didn't end well.
ItWasLikeThatWhenIGotHere · 19/05/2021 10:49

So the fact that you have young children will make no impact on your life whatsoever for 26 days a month, call it 24 including travelling. And you see no problem with this?

Cockenspiel · 19/05/2021 10:50

You do sound like an utterly selfish cunt, so I suppose on some level your kids will potentially be better off without you around.

LittleTiger007 · 19/05/2021 10:53

I would tell her that you come with kids. It’s a ‘love me, love my children situation.’ You come as a package and that has to be clear from the outset.
Please give her time but be clear ... and never choose a woman over your kids and break contact with them.

tsmainsqueeze · 19/05/2021 10:58

Can you explain how your kids won't encroach on your life together ?

KurtWilde · 19/05/2021 10:59

@Cockenspiel

You do sound like an utterly selfish cunt, so I suppose on some level your kids will potentially be better off without you around.
If this thread is real, then yeah absolutely this.
MrsXx4 · 19/05/2021 10:59

This reply has been deleted

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TokenGinger · 19/05/2021 11:01

This is ridiculous. You can't be for real?

You'd consider moving away from your children for a woman you've known for 5 months who rejects the idea of your children?

If this is the case, you are a terrible father and your kids deserve somebody who will put them above another woman.

Fireflygal · 19/05/2021 11:02

Can't be real...no one would that be selfish and lack insight.

Can't imagine any woman wanting to procreate with a man like this let alone 2!

Op, just in case this is real. You do know children aren't accessories to be put down or picked up when suits? If real please direct your ex wife to MN please. Poor woman must have suffered at your hands

dogmandu · 19/05/2021 11:02

He sounds a total failure as a father but she sounds worse. She can't get over his kids!
The demands she making class her as the worst kind of stepmother. How come he can't see that?
Poor kids.

BuggerBognor · 19/05/2021 11:03

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

MyOctopusFeature · 19/05/2021 11:08

@minmooch

Dear God! Those poor children - having a father who wants to move far away from them to be with a woman who already resents them.

I hope this is not real .......

Spot on.

Put your kids first or you will unconsciously alienate them from the rest of your life. You will come to regret that.