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Original poster

Entering a relationship when my partner can’t handle me having kids

165 replies

Stormchaser500 · 19/05/2021 10:09

Hello everyone, longs story short I parted with my wife over a year ago and I have two young kids aged 4 and 9. I have met someone else who’s never been married or had kids as she said she never met the right person she wanted a family with. We’ve been seeing each other for 5 months now and speak every day but she lives 160 miles from me so we don’t get to spend much time together. She says she’s never felt this way about anyone before and she would like to start a family with me. We have arranged that I will move down to where she lives in Cornwall and will see my kids as often as I can which would hopefully be for two weekends a month. The issue is that because I have been married and have kids she feels that we couldn’t do any of that because I’ve done it before, she doesn’t know if she can have kids because of reproductive health problems either. She wants to see past it and have a life with me but she can’t get over my kids. I’ve suggested seeing a specialist and as I’ve said that me having kids won’t encroach on our lives together as I will be away from her when I see them. It just seems like there’s no moving past this and I don’t know what else to suggest

OP posts:
GroggyLegs · 19/05/2021 13:06

@SecretSpAD - oh please get her to confirm "storm chaser" is actually lying Kevin from Coventry.

Lollee · 19/05/2021 13:10

I agree with all above comments but would add that the onus should be on here to do the moving. One life disrupted rather than 4 (incl. ex) but then again wouldn't want such a selfish person near my kids.
If you make this huge mistake be prepared to feel less inclined for the travelling once you're settled but more than that, she will start finding excuses for you not to go, probably feigning illness etc.

SecretSpAD · 19/05/2021 13:15

@GroggyLegs it is entirely possible that this is an entirely different person. Afterall, there's more than one selfish arsehole in the world.

Inthesameboatatmo · 19/05/2021 13:18

Why is it as soon as a man finds another woman they become just a sperm donor.
Fuckin ridiculous.

If that's what you think so little of your lovely children they are better off without you.

EveningOverRooftops · 19/05/2021 13:20

@SecretSpAD

Interesting....I live in Cornwall and a friend of mine who is childfree has just spent the last few months talking to a man on the internet who told her he had no children and didn't want any. Only it turns out he was lying. She's ended it because she doesn't want children herself and doesn't want to be a step mother. He has then promised to move down here to be with her, promise her that he'll hardly see the children and that as far as she's concerned they (the children) would not affect their lives. Oddly enough that didn't endear him to her - esp as even though she is determinedly childfree, she works with messed up teenagers and would certainly not want to be the cause of pain to children. Also, it kind of made her realise that the guy was a bit of a cunt.
Well this puts an epic spin on it.

OP you’re an utter cunt.

Crankley · 19/05/2021 13:45

Why is this bullshit still here?

KurtWilde · 19/05/2021 14:20

Still not been pulled??

OneMamaAndHerGirl · 19/05/2021 14:25

How is it so easy for some parents to choose their partner over their children? I grew up with a toxic stepmother and it’s really messed me up. DONT DO IT. I don’t know how you could leave your kids and only maybe see them twice a month. You don’t even deserve the title father if that’s what up I decide to do

Ninkanink · 19/05/2021 14:28

Hmm Hmm

SimonJT · 19/05/2021 14:32

Why did you choose to become a parent?

If you will only see your children two weekends a month who will look after them? Or do you assume their mum is at your beck and call?

If they won’t see your partner where will your partner live when you have your children? Does this also mean your children would never meet their half siblings, or would you ban your partner from seeing her own children for two weekens a month?

Ugzbugz · 19/05/2021 14:34

You are a shit dad so don't have anymore

Jennyfromtheculdesac · 19/05/2021 14:38

And there was me wondering what was going to keep me entertained this afternoon.

StarryNight13 · 19/05/2021 14:38

Are you crazy?
You’ve been in a long distance relationship with this woman for 5 months and you are moving 160 miles away from your kids, you also don’t know if she can get over your kids.
Jesus Christ, don’t have a baby with this woman and give yourself a reality check, your kids come first!!!!

MindtheBelleek · 19/05/2021 14:46

You should see a specialist too. But not the assisted reproduction kind.

NoMLMbots · 19/05/2021 14:56

Seriously!

If this is true then she is not worth bothering with since children are for life not just until you find a new girlfriend....

Rosmac · 19/05/2021 15:12

Why don't you put your time and energy into trying to see your kids more than twice a month?

Creamcrackersandricecakes · 19/05/2021 15:14

FFS.
In the unlikely event that this is real, have a fucking word with yourself. Someone my DH knew did this - left his 4 year old DD and moved 300 miles away for his much younger, child free new lady love. Many promises were made, of course, oh he was coming back every weekend, he'd take her on holiday, their relationship would never change blah blah blah.
That was 12 years ago. His promise to 'come back every weekend' lasted a month. Then his GF got pregnant and 'needed' him at home. The promised holidays together never materialised. 3 more kids followed in very quick succession. His DD is now 16 and she fucking hates him, her SM and her half siblings, (she was never allowed a relationship with them anyway). They haven't spoken for 5 years. She knows she was basically dumped to make way for her dad's lust and then for his shiny new family.
Poor girl Sad.
Don't be a twat like him, prioritise your kids for gods sake.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 19/05/2021 15:16

So after 20 weeks together in a long distance relationship you want to move 160 miles away from your children and you will "hopefully" see them twice a month?

Wow is this for real? Do you actually understand how utterly awful, callous and irresponsible that sounds?

As you have parental responsibilities would your girlfriend not consider moving to your area?

She wants to see past it and have a life with me but she can’t get over my kids. I’ve suggested seeing a specialist and as I’ve said that me having kids won’t encroach on our lives together

A decent parent doesn't talk about their children "encroaching" on their shiny new life. If you are a good dad then your children should be considered the most important part of your life, they are part of you. Why would you even consider wanting to be with a person who "can't get over" your kids? Jesus talk about red flag central!

IWantAllTheDogsInTheWorld · 19/05/2021 15:17

Well the OP hasn't replied, must have set off for Cornwall already...

Branleuse · 19/05/2021 15:21

oh my god, you are such a cliché. Your poor kids.

Opentooffers · 19/05/2021 15:28

You see, why on earth did you even bother trying to have a relationship with someone so far away, just because they turned up on your app?
I can be faced with the most wonderful person ever, but I still swipe left if they are more than an hour's drive away, exactly because I have a life, and ties. It's madness to bother.

Graphista · 19/05/2021 15:44

You've known her a few months, you can't possibly know each other very well given the geographic distance and you're ALREADY considering sacrificing your relationship and time with your CHILDREN for this person?!

Don't be so utterly selfish and ridiculous!

You are a parent first and foremost that has to be your priority and if she "can't cope" with that then she isn't the right person for you.

If you genuinely will move to Cornwall etc to be with her do your kids and your ex a favour and instead of being a disinterested and unreliable parent (which royally messes with their hearts and heads and has long term detrimental effects) remove yourself from their lives altogether aside from paying maintenance.

Appalling attitude and behaviour in my opinion though.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/05/2021 15:54

We have arranged that I will move down to where she lives in Cornwall and will see my kids as often as I can which would hopefully be for two weekends a month.

After five months? Don't be a prick.

Doing that would make you a fool and also a rubbish dad.

HTH.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/05/2021 15:58

I’ve suggested seeing a specialist and as I’ve said that me having kids won’t encroach on our lives together

This is so fucking horrible.

I genuinely don't think that people like OP are capable of actually loving their kids. How could you speak like that about children you love? It would be impossible.

Yet you speak adoringly about someone who is basically a stranger, who you have known for not even half a year.

And you genuinely feel that the 'compromise' you've suggested is acceptable as a father.

Fuck me the bar is low for men as parents isn't it.

clpsmum · 19/05/2021 16:06

She sounds like a nobhead tbh run away fast!